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Father daughter dance - NO

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#1 Bavaro-Princess

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    Posted 29 September 2008 - 09:38 AM

    Hello everyone –

    I have 2 months to my Punta Cana wedding and everything seems to be falling in to place little by little… but one small little detail… my parents were divorced when I was 2yrs old, my father never looked for me and when he saw me he would treat me like a stranger… the thing is that my mom has been my mother and my father all my life I cant thank her enough for everything that she has done for me… the thing is that she remarried when I was 10 and this man has been a “father figure” to me since…

    When I ask around, people tell me that I should have a father daughter dance because he deserves it… because he’s been my “father” and because he “raised me”… yes we have a good relationship but not the father daughter relationship – I appreciate him for being with my mom – that’s all…

    I’m torn because I know that he’s probably expecting to dance that father daughter dance with me but I don’t want to… I am thinking about dedicating and dancing with my mom the “father daughter” dance I want people to know how special she is to me and I want to let her know how much I appreciate her for being a single mom – for raising me for being who I am today… all I am is because of her… but I also don’t want my step-father to feel bad…

    Please help me give me some ideas, what are some of you girls doing?

    #2 LisaG

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      Posted 29 September 2008 - 09:51 AM

      I totally understand where you are coming from. I would not feel bad about not wanting your step-father to do the father/daughter dance. I would just tell your mom exactly what you just told us - - that she was your mother and father and you really thought it would be special if you and her had the dance. Maybe just call it a mother/daughter dance instead of father/daughter. I'm sure your step-father would be fine with it, since he knows she was the one that has been there for you.

      #3 Bianca

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        Posted 29 September 2008 - 09:51 AM

        If you don't want to do a father daughter dance then don't do it! Its your wedding and you do it your way. Don't let people guilt you into something you don't want. It's your wedding day and the only person that "deserves" something is YOU and you deserve to have the day be perfect!
        19 adults/3 children with flights booked! 10 rooms booked!


        #4 BachataBride

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          Posted 29 September 2008 - 10:00 AM

          I am in the exact same position! Although we are not having the traditional dances (other than our first dance) I am a little stuck on the whole "who walks me down the aisle" bit. My step-father (who raised me) has passed away so he cannot do it. I would really love for my mom to do it since she has always been there & is my best friend. However, my biological father (I like to call him the sperm donor!) is attending my wedding and I feel bad not having him walk me as I'm sure he will be expecting to. I know it's my wedding and I can do what I want, but I don't want to feel any awkwardness that day either! I have decided to get both of them to do it - that way my mom is at my side (as always!) and my dad doesn't get hurt. Maybe you could dance half the song with your step-dad & the other half with your mom. Or you could have your father/daughter dance and then have a special dance with your mom. I have seen this done for people with special grandparents, or other special family members.
          Good Luck!!

          #5 *Casey*

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            Posted 29 September 2008 - 10:03 AM

            If he doesn't really even acknowledge you, then I would feel no pressure to dance with the real dad. It's your day, and if you feel more love towards your step dad, then I would just dance with him. If you do feel like you need to dance with your real dad, could you split it up? Like dance the first half of the song with one and have the other one cut in?

            #6 Mames

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              Posted 29 September 2008 - 01:13 PM

              I totally agree with Lisa G Have the dance with your mom and call it mother daughter dance. Your stepfather should understand that she has been there since the beginning! That way she will know how much you appreciate everything she has done!

              #7 JoLo908

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                Posted 29 September 2008 - 01:19 PM

                Why don't you do a dance with him, and a dance with your mom... my friend did that, and it was a reallly nice touch...it is your wedding, you can do whatever makes you happy!

                #8 Mrs D To Be!

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                  Posted 29 September 2008 - 01:27 PM

                  I'm sure your mum would respect that, and love to be given that part in the wedding day.

                  I'm in a similar position in that my mum and dad split up when i was young and i don't have a relationship with my dad...although we were in touch in my late teenage years, he never made me feel equal to his new family. he found out we had set a date for the wedding and apparently was really angry they weren't invited...but i'm not having people at my day just because.

                  I'm having my mums partner as my "father of the bride", he was never really a father figure tbh, but he was and still is always there for me, more than my actual dad ever was.

                  I would love to have had my mum as my "father daughter dance", but unfortunately she is no longer with us. So i'd say do it! take the moment and make it what you want! share the "father of the bride" between the 2 of them!


                  #9 BlissfulMsMiranda

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                    Posted 29 September 2008 - 02:16 PM

                    You're all giving such great advice and I'm in need of it too!

                    I have a similar situation - my parents divorced when I was very young and my Mum remarried when I was 8, but my Mum and I have SUCH a strong relationship ... I love my step-father like a father, even though I've never called him Dad, but my Mum and I have such a strong bond.

                    My real father won't be at the wedding, he passed away a few years ago, but I was having issues with who would walk me down the aisle...

                    I told my Mum I wanted HER to walk me down the aisle and she said that it would offend my step-father if HE didn't get to do it ... and it's not that I don't want him to, just that I feel it's always been my Mum and I ... even though he did SO much for us ... so I suggested they BOTH walk me down the aisle, and again she said he would be a little upset that HE didn't get to do it.

                    So, I've decided he'll walk me down the aisle ... but I'm going to do something really special for my Mum on the wedding day ... not quite sure what yet, but something big. I'm an only child and we're so close it's crazy.

                    As for the father/daughter dance ... if you don't have a connection with your step-father Bavaro-Princess then don't feel obliged just to fill tradition! Everyone is right, it is YOUR day ... truthfully, it might offend your step-father if you dance with just your mother and not him, but maybe you can do something else for him, or just nix the parental dance all together and do something nice for you Mum like I plan to do so she's included in the day somehow...

                    #10 BachataBride

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                      Posted 29 September 2008 - 02:22 PM

                      BlissfulMsMiranda, another option would be to walk yourself down the aisle. That way you don't offend anyone, and you don't have that nagging feeling of wishing it was your mom instead of your step-dad. Just a suggestion! I personally don't care if dad is offended if he has to "share" me with mom that day! He's just lucky he gets to be by my side at all!!!

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