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Destination wedding etiquette

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21 replies to this topic

#11 CJEB

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    Posted 06 June 2008 - 05:31 PM

    ps we paid for children

    #12 ErinB


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      Posted 06 June 2008 - 07:07 PM

      There really isn't DW etiquette. Traditionally, the only thing the bride and groom are to pay for is bridal party accommodations. They still have to find their own way there!

      It is up to your guests, especially with a year+ notice to save up and decide to go. We looked at everything on a case by case basis. For example, a GM is a mortgage broker so has been a little slow. He didn't have the money to pay for the trip by the commitment date so we lent him the money. We did offer each bridal party member a "credit" to help defray the cost of the trip and bought the girl's dresses.

      I would say do NOT offer to pay for anyone. Later, if you have the ability and decide together to help out a particular family member who otherwise could not afford to come, then so be it. It's not fair to pay for one side and not another.

      You need to use the money you saved to put towards your life together--buy a house, car, re-decorate, invest, etc.

      #13 Samantha S

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        Posted 06 June 2008 - 11:22 PM

        I can see where your FI would want to help out but if you don't have the money, I definitely wouldn't do it. They would have to pay a lot to come to California too, right? We are not paying for anyone's trip including bridal party because we have 8 each but we are helping out a few select people who don't have as much money. The rest of our friends have enough money to take a vacation and are very, very excited! Even my family, who do not have a lot of money, are just saving up to go because they also had a year's notice.

        You do feel that guilt every now and then about the DW, but my FI and I decided that this is really how we want our wedding to be and we started out knowing that some people we really care about might not come.

        #14 FinisterraBride

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          Posted 07 June 2008 - 12:39 AM

          If you were having your wedding in California instead of at a Destinationwould you pay for their travel? They would have to pay to fly out to California anyways so flying to Cabo is not that much more expensive.

          Sure they have to invest in a passport but I had guests fly from New Jersey with 7 night stays for around $850 - depending on how early they can purchase their tickets I dont think rates would be that much different from Maryland.

          #15 Dbld78

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            Posted 07 June 2008 - 12:44 AM

            Originally Posted by ErinB
            There really isn't DW etiquette. Traditionally, the only thing the bride and groom are to pay for is bridal party accommodations. They still have to find their own way there!
            This is exactly what we did! We paid for the bridal party's accommodations but they are ALL responsible for their own travel expenses whether they like it or not....ahahaha!

            #16 morenaindc

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              Posted 07 June 2008 - 12:48 AM

              We are paying for my two aunts to come from South Africa.

              #17 bridetobe959

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                Posted 07 June 2008 - 04:24 AM

                All very good points. We finally came to an agreement that in the case somebody was in a desperate situation we would help out but not everyone. Since we are giving everyone a year notice and we are not having any attendants (so no money spent on dresses or tuxs) they have more than enough time to prepare for it and if the dont maybe it just wasn't that important to them to be there. yikes I'm sure this is just the start of touchy issues that come with planning a wedding!

                #18 Jen_S

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                  Posted 07 June 2008 - 10:17 AM

                  We are paying for all the kids in our wedding party (3) to help their parents. But noone else.
                  Our Honeymoon In Ireland!!

                  #19 jlynpiatt

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                    Posted 07 June 2008 - 09:08 PM

                    We have the same problem but with my family not my FIs. I don't think its too much to ask to save $100 month IF they want to come. We are also having a "welcome home" reception too for people who weren't invited or couldn't come. A BIG expense but we are only inviting family to Cabo. I think if someone REALLY cannot afford it and you REALLY want them there then, yah, pitch in a little bit. Otherwise you can't afford to pay for everyone or else you wouldn't be having a DW.

                    #20 Wishes

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                      Posted 08 June 2008 - 01:02 AM

                      Personally, I don't think you should HAVE to pay for anybody's way to your DW. We didn't for ours, but I did do a lot of the planning and booking tickets for the planes, van rentals, park/hotel packages and cruise (charged on their credit cards, and split expenses for some) so I didn't feel bad. There were around 25 people. It could have been more wedding planning time for me, but I helped out with that instead. Like someone else mentioned, they get a vacation out of it too, so don't feel obligated.

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