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Invited to a Bridal Shower, but not the wedding??


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#1 cheese_diva

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    Posted 14 January 2008 - 02:59 PM

    I work with a couple that are getting married on a cruise in February. None of the co-workers were invited to the wedding.. The groom asked me last week if I would come to a bridal shower. She doesn't have allot of family/friends locally. I told him the invite was really nice, but that it wasn't great ettiquette to invite people who aren't invited to the wedding.. he of course was shocked and thought it was silly but I explained that bridal showers are for gift giving. Yes, celebrating, but come on.. showers are for gift giving. (I think I was nice about how I explained it.) They also had an engagement party and invited co-workers to this. (no problem there but I didn't go due to location of the party being far from where I live.)

    I understand keeping the guest list small because that's exactly what we did with our wedding, but I also didn't invite co-workers to the engagement party (really small.. just local family and wedding party) or my bridal shower/bachelorette.

    I'm thinking that because I was invited I should buy a gift and go, but I feel kinda weird knowing I wasn't a close enough of a friend to be invited to the wedding. Of course I'm happy for them, but we don't see each other outside of work. In fact, the bride-to-be just left the company so I will rarely see her going forward.. however I do work with the groom.

    Oh, I received an email invite today from her aunt.. the party is this Sunday!

    Any thoughts? What would you do?
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    #2 *JillD*

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      Posted 14 January 2008 - 03:04 PM

      thats really short notice!!

      I would say don't go, but you do work with the guy, do you see him everyday? Maybe you could just make an excuse, because its such short notice, you can't make it you already have plans or something.

      If you're not even friends with her I think its kind of rude that they invited you to the shower, but not the wedding.

      #3 Golden

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        Posted 14 January 2008 - 03:04 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by cheese_diva
        I work with a couple that are getting married on a cruise in February. None of the co-workers were invited to the wedding.. The groom asked me last week if I would come to a bridal shower. She doesn't have allot of family/friends locally. I told him the invite was really nice, but that it wasn't great ettiquette to invite people who aren't invited to the wedding.. he of course was shocked and thought it was silly but I explained that bridal showers are for gift giving. Yes, celebrating, but come on.. showers are for gift giving. (I think I was nice about how I explained it.) They also had an engagement party and invited co-workers to this. (no problem there but I didn't go due to location of the party being far from where I live.)

        I understand keeping the guest list small because that's exactly what we did with our wedding, but I also didn't invite co-workers to the engagement party (really small.. just local family and wedding party) or my bridal shower/bachelorette.

        I'm thinking that because I was invited I should buy a gift and go, but I feel kinda weird knowing I wasn't a close enough of a friend to be invited to the wedding. Of course I'm happy for them, but we don't see each other outside of work. In fact, the bride-to-be just left the company so I will rarely see her going forward.. however I do work with the groom.

        Oh, I received an email invite today from her aunt.. the party is this Sunday!

        Any thoughts? What would you do?
        I would not go, just my thoughts

        #4 boscobel

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          Posted 14 January 2008 - 03:12 PM

          I agree with Jilly. This Sunday is super-short notice, so you could easily claim to have other plans. I wouldn't go, but I don't like going anywhere I don't know people.

          #5 cheese_diva

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            Posted 14 January 2008 - 03:14 PM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by jilly76
            thats really short notice!!

            I would say don't go, but you do work with the guy, do you see him everyday? Maybe you could just make an excuse, because its such short notice, you can't make it you already have plans or something.

            If you're not even friends with her I think its kind of rude that they invited you to the shower, but not the wedding.
            We're friends.. just never talk or get together outside of work.. and yes, the groom is in my department so I see him every day. I actually do have a party to go to the night before which usually involves alot of drinking, staying up really late, and sleeping over (aka hangover the next day).. poker party.

            I guess I feel weird about the whole thing.. mostly because I didn't extend the invites on purpose. My co-workers did pitch in and buy my DH and I a really nice food processor, but I'm sure we'll do the same thing for this couple.
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            #6 TammyWright

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            Posted 14 January 2008 - 03:15 PM

            i guess each situation is a little different.

            we had a DW and pretty much anyone that wanted to go was invited...but i did not want a bridal shower and ended up with 2...my co-workers insisted on one for me and alot of co-workers that i was not even close with came...

            maybe this shower is super casual with no gifts? i don't know...if there reason to invite you was to get alot of gifts then that is weird...

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            #7 NYJen

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              Posted 14 January 2008 - 03:17 PM

              I was once verbally invited to a bridal shower a week before as well and I knew I was a "second thought invite." I didn't go and I didn't send a gift. I agree that it's tacky to invite someone to a shower and not the wedding. That's like saying, "Come to my shower so you can give me a gift but I don't want to have to buy you a nice dinner so you're not invited to the wedding." TACKY!!!

              #8 rodent

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                Posted 14 January 2008 - 03:25 PM

                i've heard that the only exception to the rule are co workers. It's OK to have a work shower and invite coworkers who are not invited to the wedding. I think that would really just apply if the shower was a work related thing. Like your coworkers through you a shower in the break room. I think the etiquette about showers is so tricky because they are all about gift giving. I hope that trend changes & showers start to become more of a celebration than a gift party. I usually don't attend showers & I definitly didn't want one.

                I would only go to this one if I felt like it. I wouldn't feel any obligation to be there with such short notice.

                #9 AMANDA310

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                  Posted 14 January 2008 - 04:21 PM

                  I think that's super short notice so it's an easy out if you want to take it.
                  But I also agree with you Angela on the ettiquette of it. Me, myself would feel guilty asking some one to come to my shower (aka, give gifts unless stated elsewhere) and not invite them to the wedding....just my opinion.... GOOD LUCK! :)
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                  #10 Sarah

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                    Posted 14 January 2008 - 04:29 PM

                    There were a ton of people at my shower that weren't at the wedding- but they WERE invited to the wedding. Therein lies the difference, imo. If you'd been invited to the wedding but couldn't make it I'd still say attend the shower. But, since you weren't invited to the wedding it seems a little odd. It doesn't sound like you're great friends with these people, so I guess I'd skip this one. I'd probably still give a wedding gift, but not a shower gift- I'd do one or the other.




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