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Never thought I'd be in this boat -- devastated!

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36 replies to this topic

#31 LadyP

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    Posted 10 December 2007 - 11:28 PM

    I agree with Heidi. Tell him to catch a grip. he is being selfish NOT TAKE ON YOUR HUSBAND'S NAME. be for real. Sorry you are being put threw this but tell dad get over himself

    #32 starchild



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      Posted 11 December 2007 - 04:48 AM

      Originally Posted by Sharonie
      What does everyone think? If I insist on changing name, then my parents will not be coming to my wedding. Am I being selfish for wanting to do this?

      You are so not being selfish! Your father is being selfish and boycotting your wedding will be something he regrets if he goes through with it. If you want your husband's name then take it! It is nobody's decision but yours...not even your husband's...lol

      It stinks that dad would even put this burden on you. Cultural traditions are sticky situations but it is 2007....time for a new tradition if that's what you want. Good luck!!

      #33 StephanieMN

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        Posted 11 December 2007 - 11:11 AM

        That really is a tricky one. Your dad wants you to stay true to your culture but on the other hand you are an adult and you get to make you own choices. I agree that calling his bluff hopefully will work. He is trying to force you to do something and knows he is hitting home by refusing to come. The really sad thing is that he will will regret it for the rest of his life if he doesn't come. I hope you can find a way around this. I don't think you just pull a bait and switch and tell him you are going to not change it than do it later, that is disrespectful to him and you.
        Good luck to you.

        #34 Sharonie

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          Posted 11 December 2007 - 12:55 PM

          So a little update here. I tried to talk to my mom yesterday afternoon. But she had already sided with my dad. As soon as I was laying out the reasons why I don't want to not change or hyphentate and before asking her if she could help to talk to dad, she's like oh so you're not going to do it, then we're not coming to the wedding. And my sister, she's staying neutral. Actually, she doesn't really want me to change it either. What I gathered was that she thinks if I was to divorce, it will be too much trouble to change back (her reason for not changing hers). WTH?! I cut her off immediately, couldn't believe she's ill-thinking my marriage will not work before I am even married. Yes, sometimes I'll vent to her about little fights Paul and I have. But like on TV, they only report bad news because it is more entertaining and generate more topics. It doesn't mean a third-world country is more unsafe than U.S. because of the crimes reported. Besides, that is just my side of story, she needs to be less judgemental and get to know Paul personaly to say something like this.

          Anyhoo, Paul and I are going to let it go and move on with our own lives. We believe we have tried everything we could. Paul thinks that subconsciously I am their favorite daughter and only one truly carrying my dad's name so they're jealous of him and love me deep down too much to let me go, hence all the drama. I don't know, any of you who's good at psychology tell me what you think. We will pray to god for the miracle to happen that one day they'll eventually come around...

          #35 Heidi

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            Posted 11 December 2007 - 01:36 PM

            oh geez, I'm sorry! I was hoping to read good news in that update... I can't believe that they'd REALLY not go to your wedding though.
            Married April 4, 2008 at the Riu Ocho Rios!

            #36 Can'tHardlyWait

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              Posted 11 December 2007 - 08:19 PM

              Urgh, that just sucks. Seriously, I can't think of another word to describe the situation. You deserve so much more on your wedding. I am sorry you have to deal with this. Is your sister going to be coming to the wedding?

              On a side note, I have to admit that this whole situation is so foreign to me. FI's parents are pretty traditional and threw a fit when FBIL's wife said she wanted to keep her maiden name. I had no idea the tradition goes both ways!

              #37 DanielleNDerek

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                Posted 11 December 2007 - 08:51 PM

                I don't think that your father is being fair. Especially since you and your fh are trying to reason with him and he just isn't giving an inch. I hope that he comes around and realizes how important it is to you to change your name and how important it is for him to attend your wedding. I'm very sorry for you.
                ***Married November 6, 2008***Gavin Born February 28th, 2010***
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