Jump to content

Anyone Else Have Bridesmaids That They Don't Really Want?


Recommended Posts

FI is one of three kids, the other two of whom are married. He asked his bro-in-law to be a groomsman and bro to be best man. I was very happy to ask his sis to be a BM, but just to make things easier and not cause any waves, I asked sis-in-law too. I know it was the right thing to do seeing as everyone else was being included, but I kind of resent that I did that. 

 

Sis-in-law makes me feel like a third wheel when it's the three of us - me, her, FI's sis. She's also made it difficult for me and FI's sis to have our own relationship/friendship. She says things to FI's sis like 'hi, this is your ONLY sis-in-law because she's not married yet.' It's a total insecurity issue but it makes me unhappy that this is happening. I hate that I do the right thing and she doesn't. The entire family walks on eggshells around this girl and it drives me nuts. She doesn't deserve it. 

 

And I couldn't have made it easier than I did with BM dresses. I picked a color and said something above the knee please. After that, do what you want - any dress you like, any shoes you like, do your hair as you like...and then FI's sis comes back to me and says 'we saw long dresses that we like in your color, how about those?' 

 

Does anyone else have issues like this??? Sorry to vent but I can't help it. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

this is such a tough position to be in. I was a bridesmaid once even though I wasn't really close friends with the bride. I almost felt like I got asked to balance the numbers (my FI was good friends with the groom so he was a GM) or to spare my feelings. I would have been fine had I not been asked. I wish I could be of more help but unfortunately I don't think that cutting her is the best approach at this point. Maybe call her out on those things next time. You would think that's it's being confrontational but actually sometimes setting limits and being assertive is a better way of dealing with issues like this rather than trying to ignore them. If it bugs you, don't stay quiet. Don't make a huge drama about it and start a fight, but let her know that you don't appreciate those comments because you're as much part of the family as anyone else. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

As bad as it sounds, I really wish I would have a smaller group of bridesmaids. half my bridal party has completely sh*t the bed and been pretty selfish and has been causing me more stress than helping. It's made the wedding process a lot sh*ttier when you have people treating you like crap when they are supposed to be there for you.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@@TinkerSofi

 

Hmmm... interesting that you were on the receiving end of this situation. Was it still a good experience for you? 

 

So far, sis-in-law is the only BM who hasn't offered to help with anything (I only have 3 girls, total.) I guess I shouldn't be surprised because the whole family calls her selfish but still, if I can do the right thing and invite her in, I feel like she should do the right thing and offer to help....even if she doesn't want to. 

 

@@Mrsktobe

 

That stinks that your bridal party is causing you stress. For me, sis-in-law is just clearly not interested. I suspect part of it is because I am (indirectly) taking some of the attention away from her. 

 

 
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@@TinkerSofi

 

Hmmm... interesting that you were on the receiving end of this situation. Was it still a good experience for you? 

 

So far, sis-in-law is the only BM who hasn't offered to help with anything (I only have 3 girls, total.) I guess I shouldn't be surprised because the whole family calls her selfish but still, if I can do the right thing and invite her in, I feel like she should do the right thing and offer to help....even if she doesn't want to. 

 

@@Mrsktobe

 

That stinks that your bridal party is causing you stress. For me, sis-in-law is just clearly not interested. I suspect part of it is because I am (indirectly) taking some of the attention away from her.

Sounds like my SIL *AND* MIL!

 

All I can say is it's your day and don't let her ruin that for you. I didn't ask my SIL to be in my wedding party and she has been a cow the whole wedding process and totally stirring up drama, not caring about anything. MIL is involved with it too. Like two hens. Just remember its your day. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around her for the sake of keeping the peace. I was just talking with a friend about this, as women we want to keep the peace and be nice and gracious but putting your foot down (if it gets to that) does not make your a bridezilla!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@@Mrsktobe

 

Ugh! You've got it from both ends?? I'm so, so sorry!!! Is your BIL in your wedding party? 

 

I'm just a very passive person who always likes to do the right thing...even though it often bites me in the you-know-what. Plus I know it meant a lot to FI that I asked her. He's not close with her at all and goes out of his way to avoid her drama, but he did make a point of thanking me for including her. So at least he recognizes that I did it because it was the right thing to do and not necessarily because I wanted to. 

 

I don't think I'll have to put my foot down on anything with her, because she doesn't seem to take an interest in my wedding at all (which is fine). I think she also thinks I don't deserve any attention because it's a second marriage for me - first for FI. I'm going to resent buying her a BM gift even more though! 

 

 

 


 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@@Mrsktobe

 

Ugh! You've got it from both ends?? I'm so, so sorry!!! Is your BIL in your wedding party? 

 

I'm just a very passive person who always likes to do the right thing...even though it often bites me in the you-know-what. Plus I know it meant a lot to FI that I asked her. He's not close with her at all and goes out of his way to avoid her drama, but he did make a point of thanking me for including her. So at least he recognizes that I did it because it was the right thing to do and not necessarily because I wanted to. 

 

I don't think I'll have to put my foot down on anything with her, because she doesn't seem to take an interest in my wedding at all (which is fine). I think she also thinks I don't deserve any attention because it's a second marriage for me - first for FI. I'm going to resent buying her a BM gift even more though!

It's nice that it means a lot to your FI. I'm all about doing the right thing, even if it means it biting me in the a** which it does more so than not. Sucks she is uninvolved but hey, maybe it's a positive thing if she is taking no interest, it means she won't create any drama hopefully. One can hope right?

 

Oh man. both ends doesn't even start to cover it. I have my SIL who is sabotaging my wedding by spreading lies and creating drama because she is jealous (Nevermind the fact that I have worked for everything in my life, went to school, did everything on my own, while she sits at home and smokes joints all day while her fiancé works and then complains they don't have money) and then my MIL who is close with my SIL and smokes joints with her, they share the same dealer actually and they both just feed on the negativity. They are upset that I haven't supposedly included them but I have and they created drama, so I stopped. So it's been a joy to say the least.

 

Both of my brother in laws are in the wedding. They are really good. I love them both, have gotten along with them for many years. I'm actually sad that my BIL is with my crazy SIL as he used to be so much fun and now he is trapped and she threatens him all the time with leaving.. ughh.. drama.

Edited by Mrsktobe
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@@TinkerSofi

 

Hmmm... interesting that you were on the receiving end of this situation. Was it still a good experience for you?

 

So far, sis-in-law is the only BM who hasn't offered to help with anything (I only have 3 girls, total.) I guess I shouldn't be surprised because the whole family calls her selfish but still, if I can do the right thing and invite her in, I feel like she should do the right thing and offer to help....even if she doesn't want to.

 

@@Mrsktobe

 

That stinks that your bridal party is causing you stress. For me, sis-in-law is just clearly not interested. I suspect part of it is because I am (indirectly) taking some of the attention away from her.

 

It wasn't a bad experience but I don't think I enjoyed it as much as I would have had I been really close with the bride. I felt like I didn't have the liberty of saying "oh let's work on centerpieces" or whatever it is they needed me to help with. She never asked for me to do anything but I also never took the initiative to help her with anything because I was afraid of overstepping my bounds. So that might account for part of your SIL behavior. However, it doesn't explain her bitter comments and I really think you need to stand up for yourself in that regard and just put her in her place. At any rate, no one will be paying attention to her on your wedding so don't let the little "attention grabbing" behaviors ruin your day ;)

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@@Mrsktobe

 

Yes, I don't care that she isn't taking an interest. Better for me, actually. But I do think it is b.s. that I'm going to have to buy her a BM gift....what am I thanking her for? That she didn't cause a problem??!!

 

Good luck with your MIL and SIL. And I'm sorry you're dealing with that - such b.s.!!! This is a second marriage for me (first for FI) and my ex MIL was a nightmare and a half!! Like to the point where she was looking at white wedding gowns to wear to the wedding! I am very fortunate to have a wonderful, wonderful MIL this time around. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@@Mrsktobe

 

Yes, I don't care that she isn't taking an interest. Better for me, actually. But I do think it is b.s. that I'm going to have to buy her a BM gift....what am I thanking her for? That she didn't cause a problem??!!

 

Good luck with your MIL and SIL. And I'm sorry you're dealing with that - such b.s.!!! This is a second marriage for me (first for FI) and my ex MIL was a nightmare and a half!! Like to the point where she was looking at white wedding gowns to wear to the wedding! I am very fortunate to have a wonderful, wonderful MIL this time around.

Hahaha. Sorry to laugh. I am feeling the same way right now. I got my MIL a hankey with a personalized note on it, thanking her for raising her son to be the man of my dreams blah blah when in all actuality, he raised himself as she was absent. I also paid for her hair and makeup and got her a robe. So I'm a little peeved as well. Here, take a gift for causing drama during our wedding and causing me almost to go on anxiety medication. No seriously. Thank you.

 

It's ok. I am happy it's happened. It's really made me realize their true character. I have been with my FI for 9 years and all was fine with my MIL and SIL as long as I was on their side.... but with abusing drugs & what not, I can't turn a blind eye to it anymore. And when I finally had enough and stopped putting up with it, I got attacked. So it is what it is!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share



  • Best Destination Wedding Sponsors



    Facebook Pinterest Google+ Twitter
  • Posts

    • What are you doing for your wedding's road signs? so that your visitors will know where to turn to enter the area. Any pictures? I had created some road signs with a nearby signage business. However, I want to create 2 additional signs. Please provide images so that I may alter my design.
    • The two people who matters the most in this situation? You and your partner. It is nice to get an outside opinion but if you have too much of it? It will get messy! I am replying you my response after that has happened to me with my wedding. Although it is quite hard, do not think of the negative opinions. The people who will turn up to your wedding? You will always cherish them even more! That is what has happened with me because my friendship with the people who attended my wedding has improved so much more that I know I can rely on them and they can rely on me. It is disappointing that people will not attend your wedding but it is their loss, not yours. At the end of the day, when they see pictures and videos of your big day they will definitely regret missing out on such event. I am waiting to deal with the aftermath of my wedding from my so called friends, if they say anything they will get an earful! Happy planning, your big day will be worth it! Keep us up to date!
    • Wow, I cannot believe it's been over a year since I last posted! Better keep everyone up to date as everything ended up positive in the end! So, let's start with the situation with W. From my previous post, I have serious consideration removing him from the groomsmen because of the hurtful things he has said to me. Not too after my second post, I asked him once again whether he wants to be part of the groomsmen. The response was around the lines of "I need more solid information". This was before the restriction were lifted. Then he said it was down to finances yet again, even though he said he could have made it but because of what A said, W didn't commit no more. As W was being difficult, I decided to drop him as a groomsmen altogether and replaced him with someone else. Plan B was already in motion and tbh, I wish I did this first to avoid any hassle. Everyone who got invited in plan B all committed themselves to the wedding!  The situation with A is this. I was feeling sad that I was losing this friendship and that spark with him was gone. By the time it was gone, A was "ready" to meet up with me to discuss life and the wedding. When I said I lost spark with him, I really did. I knew that he was ready to meet up with me because it was convenient for him. For example, he wanted to meet up with me because he was driving past my house or was in the area visiting his relative. If he was not doing those things he would not want to meet up with me. Needless to say, every time he kept asking, I just said I was busy. I think deep down something was not right between me and A but he does not want to acknowledge it. I know that W had FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) because that's what he is like. Around the end of last year, rather than messaging me about the DW he went behind my back and asked my SO. He was scared of asking me because he knows if he asked me, I would literally get angry at him. He's nosey and was happy enough to be part of the groomsmen but he listened to A. W didn't asked once but twice to mg SO. My SO just said that she was busy and should ask me about the wedding, not her. W did messagee but not about the wedding plans. I felt this was a sly move by his part. If anything not having A and W there was a blessing in disguise. I met up with the other 4 groomsmen over one weekend and it turns out it was the most fun we all have had for a while. It was as if we continued from the previous conversations in the past as if nothing has changed. I am so glad and proud of this group of groomsmen and glad the other 2 dropped out. The suit fitting went really well and we hung out again to see whether the suits altered fitted or not.  Unfortunately my SO UK group, 5 out of 6 declined the invite. Only 1 accepted it. The other 5 had reasons ranging from good ones to poorer ones 😅 As long one of them turned up then it was good enough for us. My SO's bridesmaids also were amazing. No problems caused whatsoever and they were really excited that our wedding was abroad too! To make things work out before our DW, myself and SO planned out 2 weekends for both groomsmen and bridesmaids to hang out before the DW. We did this so we would not encounter any awkwardness for the first time in DW. Lo and behold, everyone got to know each other and we really are happy that the wedding party weekend went smoothly. I will keep this ambiguous because I do not want A and his group finding out. I got married to my SO this year. What time and month? I will leave this intentionally blank. The wedding itself was everything we have expected. The wedding planner was amazing. The photographer was also amazing too, so glad we went for him. The sneak peak photos are absolutely great, couldn't imagine that the photos turned out like that. The good itself was okay could be better but could be worse. The first dance went relatively well although my SO managed to cock up s move which only I know hahahaha. The wedding ceremony itself went really quickly. I was a bag of nerves to which one of the groomsmen bought the groomsmen a shot each to calm everyone down. It did calm me down for a little bit but the nerves started again with the speeches. I got emotional throughout the speeches. I was not expecting the tear up with the best man speech at all. My speech was meant for my SO but for some reason everyone in the room also cried as well 😂 The all night dancing and fun was the best bit. When every serious part was done, I was able to stop being nervous! The fun went through the whole night and I can see everyone really enjoyed themselves. It was as if myself and SO correctly guess that lockdown restrictions would end. Everyone was thankful that they managed to take part in the DW because they all have been stranded in the country for 3 years! Do I regret having a DW? Hell no! Although it was a smaller party everything was all under control. Everyone had a great time!  More information about my UK group. Some of them congratulated us which was nice to hear. Those congratulated us, I can keep contact. They knew it was difficult coming to DW. At least they are mature enough to say something about it and they did not get the invite. On the other hand, A and W kept constantly monitoring my account for updates along with my SO. It got to the point that W really FOMO that he I followed our stories/posts. A on the other hand is completely out of order. He was invited to DW but made it really uncomfortable to me that he was not happy with DW. During that week, he went on holiday to Spain. I get that Spain is much more cheaper than my DW but it still is annoying. A also said before that he has a few weddings to attend during our DW month. He has not attended any weddings which makes me think that he has lied to me. A and W has lied to me saying it was costly for them to come to my DW. They have both bought PlayStation 5 and went to many designer outlets. If they are so stumped on money why go and buy things? It just shows that they are not good friends at all. Overall good DW. I do not regret it one bit because I know if I did it in the UK, the experience will be a lot different. The UK definitely not as scenic as my DW! 🤣    
    • Hi ! Myself and partner got engaged 7 months ago and we quite quickly asked our friends who we wanted in our wedding party (e.g bridesmaids, MOH and best men etc) who all agreed. After searching many English venues we have decided that we want to marry abroad, our dream is Mexico. We have been and priced this up today and we are incredibly happy. So we have put this forward to our friends and family who we really want there and now we are facing issues. My MOH and my partners Best man are together with a child, they now will not come unless we change to Spain or Greece. My brother, his wife and nephew can only come in one set week which isn't the time we want to marry and also will not come to Mexico. And both our Grandmother's won't come to Mexico.   What do we do? Do we carry on and go to Mexico with the people who will come or do we change our dreams and go to Spain or Greece?  Thoughts please, I'm getting to the point where I don't even want to marry as I'm fed up of friends and family ruining our ideas and dreams with their opinions. 
    • What purpose does a ring actually have? I think they look nice, but to me, wearing a ring doesn’t mean a damn thing. I’m engaged. I’m in a happy, healthy and strong relationship. And to be fully honest if you are ever in a relationship that you’d be willing to risk because of the price of an engagement ring, your partner could do better.
  • Topics

×
×
  • Create New...