Ok, so we only got engaged a month ago, and already, big drama. I guess that is what happens with weddings.
So, a bit of background - I have a small family and one sister. We've had some family troubles in the past - my father leaving us with no money, getting kicked out of houses etc. etc. And we've gone through these things as a family, but not really 'together'. What I mean is my sister and I are close as sisters but not what I would consider great friends.
As much as I love my sister, we are very different. She is a bit self-centred and really enjoys positive attention on her. For example, she expects constant accolades for losing a lot of weight (which was years ago), turns conversations and topics towards herself and her issues, and will not really allow you to be happy if she isn't - but if she is happy and you are having a hard time in life, you still have to be happy for her (think new guy for me, break up for her and vice versa).
She was also a BM/MOH at her friends wedding 2 years ago. I watched her complain about her friends decisions (like changing from a yellow dress to a blue dress because the other BMs liked it more - keeping in mind my sister's favourite colour to wear is yellow). She complained that her friend also had a matron of honour (who was horrible in my sisters opinion) and when she got back from the wedding had to tell everyone how much more the other BMs and the families liked her, and her speech, than the matron of honour's(which actually coincidentally echoes what happened to me as a BM at an old friends wedding with a speech).
Anyhow - so I get engaged and she chooses that moment to tell me her and her BF are likely breaking up. But, aside from that, she's actually been pretty good about it all and happy - which I partially suspected was because she wanted to be a BM.
Here is my major issue - my sister loves attention. And I don't typically want to be the centre of attention (even on my wedding day, it isn't all about me!) But while I don't want everyone fawning over me, I also don't want to have someone beside me that is basking in the glow of attention and has a 'look at me' attitude. I'm scared of the stress and drama of having her beside me all day.
So here is what I have done so far - I had only her and my mum come dress shopping with me to make it special (and my sister actually wound up identifying the dress I bought). I've asked her to be with me during the getting ready phase on my wedding day, but to head down to the beach half an hour before the wedding to make sure the set up was done correctly and to run the music - because honestly, I know she knows what I like and she would make sure it was done properly. I've told her all this means more to me than a dress and a 10 min stand beside me - and it does. I have even asked her to sign our official wedding certificate here in Canada before we go. She is my sister, and I love her - and as a sister she already has a special place at the wedding and in the rest of my life.
I have never thought of BMs as entitled positions. And my sister would always have been involved in the wedding as family (so still doing pictures, getting prime seating and identified in speeches). And we are doing small wedding parties - so for me to put her up there is to take away someone else I would like to acknowledge as being important to me. I have one friend that I won't put in the wedding party, because her and her husband are our TAs. I will acknowledge everyone separately and with gifts (if appropriate).
But through ALL of this, my sister still continues to tell me she is 'hurt', even while admitting she knew I wouldn't ask her (again, I've never been the type to involve family that way because my family is involved in so much else).
So what do I do? Just give her the spot to make her happy, even though that isn't what I want? I just hate having to feel bad about my decisions!