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I'm devastated... My best friend MOH-to-be said no


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I'm crushed... I knew this could be a possibility but I just wasn't prepared for that answer. I'm upset, I'm hurt, I'm angry and mad. Not to be petty... but I helped her with everything, I went over the top for her wedding, bridal shower, bachelorette party, baby shower christening... and the list goes on. I don't wanna sound whiny, or cranky but I'm just hurt and disappointed. 

 

I don't know what to do because I don't want her to know. I'm also very passive aggressive so, I'm bound to ignore her at the drop of the hat (immature I know). I'm just..... reeling with emotion right now. So allow me to have the moment of dramatics. 

 

 

Anyone else gone through this? How did you cope? How did you maintain your relationship? wtf.gif this -ish sucks man.

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Originally Posted by MrsPeele2B View Post
 

I'm crushed... I knew this could be a possibility but I just wasn't prepared for that answer. I'm upset, I'm hurt, I'm angry and mad. Not to be petty... but I helped her with everything, I went over the top for her wedding, bridal shower, bachelorette party, baby shower christening... and the list goes on. I don't wanna sound whiny, or cranky but I'm just hurt and disappointed. 

 

I don't know what to do because I don't want her to know. I'm also very passive aggressive so, I'm bound to ignore her at the drop of the hat (immature I know). I'm just..... reeling with emotion right now. So allow me to have the moment of dramatics. 

 

 

Anyone else gone through this? How did you cope? How did you maintain your relationship? wtf.gif this -ish sucks man.

 

I'm SO sorry.  That's really tough---I can only imagine how you are feeling right now.  Did your friend say why? Destination weddings are a mixed bag, because the very thing we love about some of them (lower costs---sometimes!) is because many of our guests can't/won't make the trip. 

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Her reason is... She can't afford it. She just had a baby a few months ago & I just found out they'll be going to Disney next fall. So they're saving for that. I understand. Sorta... I'm just bummed man. Again I knew this was a possibility but it's not what I expected. She kinda flat out said no, no real thought about it. & it's possible that I'm reading more into it. I'm just frustrated! I'll get thru this. Thanks BSB. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free

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I understand you. This is certainly a place to vent and share how you're feeling with out judgment or the " you should expect this considering cost" statement that people love to throw around.

 

I strongly believe its about priorities. Your wedding and should be one, no matter what (of course sickness is an exception). But money, if she truly wanted to be there, she would make it happen. 

 

I find myself in a similar situation, I totally understand.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsPeele2B View Post
 

I'm crushed... I knew this could be a possibility but I just wasn't prepared for that answer. I'm upset, I'm hurt, I'm angry and mad. Not to be petty... but I helped her with everything, I went over the top for her wedding, bridal shower, bachelorette party, baby shower christening... and the list goes on. I don't wanna sound whiny, or cranky but I'm just hurt and disappointed.

 

I don't know what to do because I don't want her to know. I'm also very passive aggressive so, I'm bound to ignore her at the drop of the hat (immature I know). I'm just..... reeling with emotion right now. So allow me to have the moment of dramatics.

 

 

Anyone else gone through this? How did you cope? How did you maintain your relationship? wtf.gif this -ish sucks man.

 

Sorry to hear she said no but its good to get an answer now and move forward.  I know it sucks when you do so much for others and when its your turn its not given back.  It just means you are a good friend not saying she is not a good friend but right now at the stage of her life she just can't do it.  She didn't have to flat out say no the way she did either she could still help you in other ways and be there for you.  It'll take time to get over it I know i'm going through it too.  I asked a really good friend of 29 years to be my bridesmaid 2 months ago and I have yet to get an answer I mean I know its a NO now but so rude for her to completely ignore me.  At least you got the no and can move on and find someone who you are close to who really wants to do it and will be supportive along the way.  In the end the only 2 people who need to be at your wedding are you and your fiance.  Good luck to you and hope your planning goes smooth.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by vtorville79 View Post
 

I understand you. This is certainly a place to vent and share how you're feeling with out judgment or the " you should expect this considering cost" statement that people love to throw around.

 

I strongly believe its about priorities. Your wedding and should be one, no matter what (of course sickness is an exception). But money, if she truly wanted to be there, she would make it happen. 

 

I find myself in a similar situation, I totally understand.

Yeah... it just bums me out... I'm hanging in there though. THanks

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Xarocas View Post

That really sucks:( do you have any other person in mind?

I do, thankfully! But it just sucks she won't be there to support me.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by NJBride2014 View Post
 

 

Sorry to hear she said no but its good to get an answer now and move forward.  I know it sucks when you do so much for others and when its your turn its not given back.  It just means you are a good friend not saying she is not a good friend but right now at the stage of her life she just can't do it.  She didn't have to flat out say no the way she did either she could still help you in other ways and be there for you.  It'll take time to get over it I know i'm going through it too.  I asked a really good friend of 29 years to be my bridesmaid 2 months ago and I have yet to get an answer I mean I know its a NO now but so rude for her to completely ignore me.  At least you got the no and can move on and find someone who you are close to who really wants to do it and will be supportive along the way.  In the end the only 2 people who need to be at your wedding are you and your fiance.  Good luck to you and hope your planning goes smooth.

Thank you NJBride. You guys are very kind and helpful and I appreciate it. I'm just going to have to get through this. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

That really sucks!! But looking at the positive side, it is best that she told you no from the beginning rather than saying yes and then not doing anything or not being excited about the wedding (which is what is happening to me right now!) I do totally understand the feeling of you doing so much for others and then when it's your turn they are not there for you. But you will get over it and like I said, thank God she is telling you right from the start so you can think of a Plan B.

Good luck to you!

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I'm crushed... I knew this could be a possibility but I just wasn't prepared for that answer. I'm upset, I'm hurt, I'm angry and mad. Not to be petty... but I helped her with everything, I went over the top for her wedding, bridal shower, bachelorette party, baby shower christening... and the list goes on. I don't wanna sound whiny, or cranky but I'm just hurt and disappointed.  Hey MrsPeele2B.... I'm actually experiencing the side where my really good friend said yes to be in my wedding party but with the way she's acting I almost wish she would have said no. She just had a baby this summer and is in 2 other weddings this fall, so she has no time for me whatsoever. She didn't come to my shower - actually, she hasn't even said anything to me about the shower or sorry she wasn't able to make it. Ive asked her if she could fit myself and my other bridesmaid in for a girls' weekend in the place of a bachelorette party, and she told me she can't afford the time or the money away from her daughter. I was in her wedding party last summer and spent a quarter of the summer weekends traveling for her various wedding events, and now i keep getting pushback from here for everything. We're even paying for her trip to punta cana.... not that i think she owes us anything for that because it was our gift for being a part of our wedding... but come on, maybe show a little bit of interest?........ sorry for venting on your post.... it's just been building up inside of me for a while now..... I don't know what to do because I don't want her to know. I'm also very passive aggressive so, I'm bound to ignore her at the drop of the hat (immature I know). I'm just..... reeling with emotion right now. So allow me to have the moment of dramatics.  Anyone else gone through this? How did you cope? How did you maintain your relationship? :wtf:  this -ish sucks man.
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Hey MrsPeele2B.... I'm actually experiencing the side where my really good friend said yes to be in my wedding party but with the way she's acting I almost wish she would have said no. She just had a baby this summer and is in 2 other weddings this fall, so she has no time for me whatsoever. She didn't come to my shower - actually, she hasn't even said anything to me about the shower or sorry she wasn't able to make it. Ive asked her if she could fit myself and my other bridesmaid in for a girls' weekend in the place of a bachelorette party, and she told me she can't afford the time or the money away from her daughter. I was in her wedding party last summer and spent a quarter of the summer weekends traveling for her various wedding events, and now i keep getting pushback from here for everything. We're even paying for her trip to punta cana.... not that i think she owes us anything for that because it was our gift for being a part of our wedding... but come on, maybe show a little bit of interest?........ sorry for venting on your post.... it's just been building up inside of me for a while now.....

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