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How do i keep it small without making people upset?


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#1 lauren478

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    Posted 05 February 2012 - 07:24 PM

    I want a small wedding and right now I have 25 immediate family members and super close friends (who are the wedding party) coming. I have gone back and forth about inviting extended family because I am not that close to mine, and there are about 60 of them, and FI is not close to any of his, and none would come. I don't really want to invite them, except about 5 of them, but I realize I cannot invite some and not others. I want to celebrate our marriage with them, but not in a big huge way and not for gifts, but we don't have money saved for that, as of now. We would have to throw 3 parties for my moms family, dads family (they are divorced), and fiances family/friends that live in town, and come to them, otherwise it makes no sense to throw AHR if none can travel to it for a day. Just seems like a waste of money, and time, which I do not have (I don't get weekends off as a managers in a restaurant, especially 3 after taking time off for a wedding). Do we have to throw an AHR? Will my extended family/friends that aren't invited be mad? What do I tell people, like my friends parents, that they aren't invited to my wedding? 



    #2 Branya2012

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      Posted 06 February 2012 - 08:30 AM

      Just be honest about the reasons you are having  DW in the first place! You started off your post by saying that you want a small wedding...so tell anyone that asks that very same thing! It is yours and your future spouse's special day so you should do what you want and not feel guilty about it. In my experience, even if you were to cave in and invite everyone that you feel you are "supposed" to invite, you are not going to please everyone. Keep in mind that it's yours and your future spouse's wedding! No one elses!

      On that note, if you want to invite some close extended family members and not others, then do it! One of my good friends that got married a few years ago said to me that when she was thinking of who to invite to their wedding, they thought of the people that are going to be there to support them in their life as a married couple and the people that were there for them currently. If that includes some family and not others, then that's just the way it is! You shouldn't feel guilty for planning the wedding of your dreams!! Even though sometimes that is easier said than done!

       

      As for an AHR, if you don't want to have one, then don't! Don't feel obligated to do anything you don't want to do, especially since the cost could easily get carried away if you are throwing an AHR as well. Personally, we chose not to have one. I kind of felt that people might want to attend the AHR over the wedding, and it's sort of a one shot deal for us. If we were going to get married at home, then that's where we would have our reception.

       

      Good luck in your choices! Hopefully at the end of the day you can make your decisions based on what you two want as a couple! It's hard, believe me! But at the end of the day you will have the beautiful wedding of your dreams!

       

      Quote:

      Originally Posted by lauren478 

      I want a small wedding and right now I have 25 immediate family members and super close friends (who are the wedding party) coming. I have gone back and forth about inviting extended family because I am not that close to mine, and there are about 60 of them, and FI is not close to any of his, and none would come. I don't really want to invite them, except about 5 of them, but I realize I cannot invite some and not others. I want to celebrate our marriage with them, but not in a big huge way and not for gifts, but we don't have money saved for that, as of now. We would have to throw 3 parties for my moms family, dads family (they are divorced), and fiances family/friends that live in town, and come to them, otherwise it makes no sense to throw AHR if none can travel to it for a day. Just seems like a waste of money, and time, which I do not have (I don't get weekends off as a managers in a restaurant, especially 3 after taking time off for a wedding). Do we have to throw an AHR? Will my extended family/friends that aren't invited be mad? What do I tell people, like my friends parents, that they aren't invited to my wedding? 



       


      ~ December 5, 2012 ~

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      #3 JayKay

      JayKay
      • Sr. Member
      • 3,472 posts
      • Wedding Date:January 13, 2012
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      Posted 13 February 2012 - 08:09 AM

      My Husband and I had the same issue.  I wanted a small wedding with just our closest friends and family members.  I didn't want to invite our extended families because it was over 50 people, however, we wanted some of them to be there.  In the end what we did was sent out invites to all the extended family.  We knew that most of them wouldn't come anyways so we thought it was a nice gesture to send them an invite.  In the end the only ones we wanted there came, which was perfect.  You just need to do what is right for you and your FI and not worry about anyone else.  And if people ask and are upset just explain you wanted a small wedding and your reason for having a DW.

       

      Originally Posted by lauren478 

      I want a small wedding and right now I have 25 immediate family members and super close friends (who are the wedding party) coming. I have gone back and forth about inviting extended family because I am not that close to mine, and there are about 60 of them, and FI is not close to any of his, and none would come. I don't really want to invite them, except about 5 of them, but I realize I cannot invite some and not others. I want to celebrate our marriage with them, but not in a big huge way and not for gifts, but we don't have money saved for that, as of now. We would have to throw 3 parties for my moms family, dads family (they are divorced), and fiances family/friends that live in town, and come to them, otherwise it makes no sense to throw AHR if none can travel to it for a day. Just seems like a waste of money, and time, which I do not have (I don't get weekends off as a managers in a restaurant, especially 3 after taking time off for a wedding). Do we have to throw an AHR? Will my extended family/friends that aren't invited be mad? What do I tell people, like my friends parents, that they aren't invited to my wedding? 



       



      #4 saraluvsmikey

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        Posted 16 February 2012 - 04:30 PM

        What JayKay said, quoted below... This is the #1 reason I'm doing a DW. I come from a small-ish town where my parents know A LOT of people, and I knew if I had a wedding at home, it would be 1) SO EXPENSIVE and 2) not intimate. I want our close friends and family.

         

         

        Originally Posted by JayKay 

         In the end the only ones we wanted there came, which was perfect.  



         



        My mom is really struggling with NOT inviting people, so I told her if she's buying the invites, go ahead and invite all the family, because we know in the end, the ones who want to be there, and the ones WE WANT to be there, will be there. We know extended family won't come, but they can't be offended because they were invited. We are also having 2 AHR receptions (one in California for me, one in Chicago for FI.. and I'm forgoing a bridal shower), they're going to be backyard BBQ affairs, nothing fancy at all! And pretty much everyone is invited! (: This is the best way we can think of not offending anyone, plus celebrating with family friends that have literally known me my ENTIRE life. 

         

        Sara



        #5 cherany

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          Posted 27 April 2012 - 06:42 AM

          I think the answer to the question of how you do it without upsetting people is that you don't do it without upsetting people.  There will always be people who get upset, no matter how you do things.

           

          What you can aim for is a wedding that does not upset you or your fiance.  That is what we're going for, and thankfully, all our friends are thrilled that we're doing it this way.

           

          Upsets will be dealt with after the wedding or, more likely, never!  If it upsets someone that we're having the wedding we want, I think it is clear that person feels we should sacrifice our dreams for their convenience, and that makes not worrying what they think very easy! 



          #6 Matt Adcock

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            Posted 27 April 2012 - 10:00 AM

            We did the same, for our own wedding we invited all the extended family and then figured that because of location and simple logistics, many wouldnt make it anyway and we ended up with a relatively small wedding (50ish guests).   

            After seeing 1000+ weddings in Mexico, I noticed that groups are generally WAY WAY smaller than if the party was planned at the home of the client...and I ask them about this too, its nice to get feedback!  

             



            #7 cindy2013

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            • Wedding Location:Kukua, Punta Cana
            • LocationOttawa, Ontario

            Posted 28 April 2012 - 04:11 PM

             

            Originally Posted by Matt Adcock 

            We did the same, for our own wedding we invited all the extended family and then figured that because of location and simple logistics, many wouldnt make it anyway and we ended up with a relatively small wedding (50ish guests).   

            After seeing 1000+ weddings in Mexico, I noticed that groups are generally WAY WAY smaller than if the party was planned at the home of the client...and I ask them about this too, its nice to get feedback!  

             

             


            That's what we have done...I hope people can make it, but I know it won't happen. We'll see...it'll be awesome if we're surprised and a lot of people can come, however I don't think that'll be the case.


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            #8 jello

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              Posted 29 April 2012 - 06:33 AM

               

              Originally Posted by lauren478 

              I want to celebrate our marriage with them, but not in a big huge way and not for gifts, but we don't have money saved for that, as of now. We would have to throw 3 parties for my moms family, dads family (they are divorced), and fiances family/friends that live in town, and come to them, otherwise it makes no sense to throw AHR if none can travel to it for a day.

               

               

              You can do exactly what you just wrote here — celebrate your marriage with your extended family, but not in a big, huge, expensive way.  Have 3 simple potluck dinners with the 3 families, and ask everyone to bring their favorite dish instead of a wedding present.  Or ask your mom, dad, and future in-laws to host backyard picnics for you, and serve sandwich platters from Costco.  It can be really simple and inexpensive, and it can be on a weeknight if you don't have weekends off.  The people who love you just want to spend time with you; you don't have to worry about impressing them with a fancy AHR!  






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