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What to tell the uninvited?


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#1 AutismPrincipal

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    Posted 21 May 2010 - 01:05 PM

    All-

    I apologize if this has been posted before; I looked beforehand and didn't find anything.

    FI and I were originally planning a traditional wedding; however due to costs, we've decided to do something smaller. We decided on a destination wedding in Jamaica and are moving forward with the planning process.

    The problem is, how do we inform our family and friends who know we're engaged and who originally knew we wanted them at the wedding that we've decided to downsize from 120 to 25 people.

    I thought a letter to each would be sufficient, but I have no idea what to say or if this is even a good idea.

    If you've dealt with this or have some advice for me, I would greatly appreciate it.

    Kindly,
    Robyn

    #2 vlynnw

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      Posted 21 May 2010 - 01:10 PM

      Did you already send invitations for the traditional wedding to these people before changing plans? In that case I think a letter explaining your plans and wishes would be best. Are you planning on having an AHR? If so you can explain how you're going to throw a party to celebrate with them once you return.
      Veronica & Adam - May 6, 2011 - Dreams Tulum

      #3 greysgirl

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        Posted 21 May 2010 - 01:13 PM

        I agree with Veronica's post above. If you've already sent invites, then perhaps send that letter. If not, I don't know that you're required to say anything to those uninvited to your DW. You could mention that you're having a small, intimate wedding but are wanting to celebrate with everyone once you return at your AHR. I think people will understand. It is hard to not feel obligated to everyone, isn't it? Big hug....and congrats on making the decision to have a DW!

        #4 Jennybell1

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          Posted 21 May 2010 - 01:44 PM

          I have two sets of invitations. Everyone will get oneof the two based on the guest list. I have the formal actual invitation to the DW and the other invite is for the AHR afterwards; it somewhat explains why we are having an AHR, and I think it is self explanatory for those not actually invited to the DW.

          If you havent done invites, this may be an option for you. If invites have already been sent out, then I also agree with the other ladies that a letter would be more appropriate regarding the change of plans.

          Good Luck!

          #5 AishaB

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            Posted 21 May 2010 - 01:49 PM

            I agree with Veronica's post, and I agree with how you are handling the situation. As someone who totally understands about the money situation, your friends and family have to understand also. My FI and I are on one income, HIS. I have student loans, and we have to live. With that said, we are having a small wedding, and I am not even sure about the AHR after cause that is just more money. For those who are not invited, we will definitely explain the situation, but that is all we can do. Most people know that I have been unemployed for almost a year, so if they don't understand that we are having a small wedding because that is what we can afford, then they are selfish and are only thinking about themselves and a party, instead of me and my FI's happiness and future (not to put ourselves in unnecessary debt).

            So I think your way sounds like a very good plan. People are going to be upset nonetheless, but there is nothing you can do. And you are having an AHR, they can definitely come and enjoy themselves then, and congratulate the happy couple.
            BDW the best place for my TYPE A personality!

            #6 AutismPrincipal

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              Posted 21 May 2010 - 02:29 PM

              Ladies,

              Thank you so much for the wonderful advice and hugs.

              No, we did not send out invitations yet as the wedding isn't until June 2011. At family gatherings, his family has been especially verbal about being excited for the big day and that they can't wait to see us walk down the aisle as husband and wife; herein lies my anxiety. His family "knew" of our original plans, even though we did not send formal invitations.

              We have discussed having two AHRs, one in his hometown of Pittsburgh and the other in my hometown of Washington, DC. However this will cost additional money; so we are unsure if we will entertain the idea of having two AHRs.

              JennyBell1- can you send me the wording you used for the AHR invite?

              Thanks again everyone.

              #7 Jennybell1

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                Posted 21 May 2010 - 02:42 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by AutismPrincipal
                Ladies,

                Thank you so much for the wonderful advice and hugs.

                No, we did not send out invitations yet as the wedding isn't until June
                being excited for the big day and that they can't wait to see us walk down the aisle as husband and wife; herein lies my anxiety. His family "knew" of our original plans, even though we did not send formal invitations.

                We have discussed having two AHRs, one in his hometown of Pittsburgh and the other in my hometown of Washington, DC. However this will cost additional money; so we are unsure if we will entertain the idea of having two AHRs.

                JennyBell1- can you send me the wording you used for the AHR invite?

                Thanks again everyone.

                AP - For sure - I am at work and dont have access to my home computer - but I can PM it to you on the weekend if you like?

                #8 MDLady

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                  Posted 21 May 2010 - 02:50 PM

                  If you are trying to save money, how about having only one AHR? Pittsburgh and DC are not THAT far away from each other. Although picking one over another would be extremely difficult I'd imagine. My fiance is from South America so we decided on the Caribbean instead of having 2 AHRs.

                  Also, what if you do a wedding at an AI resort? Most AI resorts don't charge for the actual wedding since the food is included already and will only charge for flowers and other unique things. This way you can invite everyone who is expecting to go and then a much smaller amount will show up? Just a thought..

                  #9 hat0112

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                    Posted 21 May 2010 - 03:02 PM

                    I don’t think you need to send out a letter since you didn’t send out invites. But do you think everyone will still go to the wedding if it is a DW? I just know that my family would have gone to a big wedding at home, but because of money, 99% of them aren’t going to ours. If they all would go to the DW maybe you could just tell everyone you are only inviting immediate family only to the DW, but everyone is invited to the AHR.

                    I agree with MDLady and maybe you should look into resorts that offer free weddings when you stay at the resort. That way you can save some money on the wedding and have an AHR. I just went to a wedding in Riviera Maya at the Excellence and I know they offer a free wedding it you stay there.

                    Where were you two going to have the wedding when it wasn’t a DW? Maybe that is the city where you have your AHR and only have one since 2 would be so much more money.
                    Wedding 10/22/10 Westin Aruba

                    I love being a Mrs.!

                    #10 AutismPrincipal

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                      Posted 21 May 2010 - 05:25 PM

                      Jennybell1- Please do, thanks!

                      MD Lady- You are right on point. I just posted a message on the Jamaica board for brides that are having weddings at a Sandals resort. Sandals definitely takes the stress away with planning. Our only concern is how private the wedding will be. We would like for it to be intimate and on the beach; we just aren't sure if this can happen at a Sandals.

                      hat 0112- Honestly, of the 20 people we'll invite only half may show up. This is something that FI and I have discussed openly and honestly. We'd like everyone invited to show up, but we are also sensitive to other's financial means. Great point!!! The original wedding would have been in Frederick, MD at an historic mansion. That would be a great location, thank you for the ideas.

                      Ladies, you have truly lifted a load.




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