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So what's the secret?


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#1 shellb

shellb
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    Posted 06 January 2009 - 10:42 PM

    Can someone tell me what the secret to not giving a crap about things in general?

    You know I had taken the attitude that as long as my FI and I were there for the big day everything else was a bonus. Today, I log in to my facebook and see one of my good friends is going to Mexico next month when she had said a few months ago they'd love to go to our wedding but there was no way they could because they just bought a house, had all these extra expenses, etc. I was perfectly ok with that, but when I read her status today I felt like someone kicked me. I am happy that they are going to Mexico for a trip. I think people should do what makes them happy, but why not tell me from the beginning instead of a BS excuse.

    My FI tells my I let things get to me too much and take too much to heart. SO, can someone teach me or tell me the secret to not giving a crap because I seem to be losing the battle especially when it comes to this DW and people's behavior?

    #2 DallasAshli

    DallasAshli
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      Posted 06 January 2009 - 11:25 PM

      The secret is...accepting the things that you can not control! When it comes to things you can't control, you really have 2 choices: accept it or get worked up about it. It sounds like you are letting things that you have no control over get you worked up. Unfortunately, that just zaps your energy but doesn't create anything positive.

      People get to behave however they want...and so do you. You get to decide if you will let other people's actions bother you. It's hard to do at first, but it gets really easy once you've learned how :)

      Remember we're here for you!

      #3 Chantal85

      Chantal85
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        Posted 07 January 2009 - 01:39 AM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by DallasAshli
        The secret is...accepting the things that you can not control! When it comes to things you can't control, you really have 2 choices: accept it or get worked up about it. It sounds like you are letting things that you have no control over get you worked up. Unfortunately, that just zaps your energy but doesn't create anything positive.

        People get to behave however they want...and so do you. You get to decide if you will let other people's actions bother you. It's hard to do at first, but it gets really easy once you've learned how :)

        Remember we're here for you!

        What she said!

        We had the same situation where people said they couldn't afford to come but then booked a separate trip...it's best not to focus on them but focus on the one's who have RSVP'd to a good time with you and your Fi.

        #4 Bridget810

        Bridget810
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          Posted 07 January 2009 - 04:53 AM

          Wow, I think it is a-okay to get angry about this! But after a nice bout of anger, take a deep breath, and remember that as long as you and your fiance are there--that's all that matters!!! Of course, that is incredibly easy to say. The petty part of me secretly says: remember those friends who dissed you!! Because, in my (honest) opinion; your true friends will be there for you unless they have a REALLY good excuse. I've been in the same boat as you, and it makes me realize how lucky I am to have my sweet fiance and my loyal friends. I feel like a DW really brings out folks true colors. So, instead, focus on those that take the time and money to be there on your special day, and let them know how much it means to you. KARMA. :)
          PS If you learn the secret about not giving a crap, please let me know!!! :)

          #5 Bridget810

          Bridget810
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            Posted 07 January 2009 - 04:57 AM

            Hmmm.. I realize that the "money" part of my response makes me sound pretty cold. What I meant is that instead of spending money on a separate vacation, they allocate that money towards a vacation with you! I, like many others, have friends who do not have the money to go to my DW, and that is completely understandable. However, I'd be pretty cranky if I found out that they (if they were close friends) couldn't go to my wedding, but then planned an expensive exotic trip elsewhere.

            #6 shellb

            shellb
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              Posted 07 January 2009 - 07:45 AM

              Thanks ladies! It's not the part that she's going to Mexico or not coming to our wedding, it's the BS excuse she gave that hurts. I have been fairly good so far in letting the stuff slide with the wedding except for 1 or 2 things that I let get to me.

              For a brief moment I did have thoughts about when it comes time for her wedding (which will be a DW) and intentionally not showing up or giving a BS excuse, but I know the guilt of doing that would get to me.

              Talked to my FI last night, his response, "their loss, not ours". He is so good at the not giving a crap or taking the laissez faire attitude with everything, you think by now some of would have worn off.

              #7 m. smith

              m. smith
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                Posted 07 January 2009 - 08:25 AM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by shellb
                Can someone tell me what the secret to not giving a crap about things in general?

                You know I had taken the attitude that as long as my FI and I were there for the big day everything else was a bonus. Today, I log in to my facebook and see one of my good friends is going to Mexico next month when she had said a few months ago they'd love to go to our wedding but there was no way they could because they just bought a house, had all these extra expenses, etc. I was perfectly ok with that, but when I read her status today I felt like someone kicked me. I am happy that they are going to Mexico for a trip. I think people should do what makes them happy, but why not tell me from the beginning instead of a BS excuse.

                My FI tells my I let things get to me too much and take too much to heart. SO, can someone teach me or tell me the secret to not giving a crap because I seem to be losing the battle especially when it comes to this DW and people's behavior?
                i so completley agree with you im getting married in cuba and my friend wanted a big holiday this year so she decided to come to the hotel next door to us and come the week before us so they still got there own holiday and pick there own hotel and got there own holiday as well as coming to the wedding . so i would feel like that if they said what your friend did then still went and missed the wedding that would piss me off !!!




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