I love the advice on here and wish that I would have seen it a few weeks ago
. I ran into the same issue (almost all of invitees were not local but local folks wanted to throw me a "shower"), and kept trying to figure how to celebrate and have a ladies day but not hurt anyone's feelings. I asked around a lot about this and got different advice each time from former brides:) ... so it is definitely a tricky issue but I see no reason of why you can't celebrate with friends/family , especially if you are doing a destination or smaller wedding. I was invited to a friends shower and not invited to destination wedding, and didn't hurt my feelings at all...I think people understand but that's just my thoughts
In the end, I told those hosting mine that it would be ok to invite some girls that were not invited to the wedding as long as it was stressed that I really just wanted to hang out and get some girls time, rather than a shower "ie gifts" (because that is sooo what I meant but I'm afraid it won't be interpreted that way!!). But I was really torn about it!!!! I wish I would have had the idea to tell them to refer to it more as a celebration...lol. Well- it's this weekend so I'll let you know how it goes!