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Bridal Shower Dilemma..Can't Find the Answer on Here

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#1 Kits55

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Posted 04 December 2008 - 02:00 PM

Hi Everyone:

OK, so I was under the assumption that I could invite all friends to a bridal shower. I live in Kansas City, but my family is all in Minnesota. That means two bridal showers, and possibly a third in Nebraska. I thought I'd check on BDW first to make sure that I was doing it the "right" way. Well, from what I can find you're only supposed to be invite people that are invited to your wedding. We purposely wanted to have a very small wedding (we invited 30 people, and many live in other states). So that means if I have a Nebraska shower only two people besides myself would be invited. In Minnesota I'd invite 4 people and in Kansas City I'd invite 3 people. What do I do for invites? Isn't there some sort of exception to the rule when you only invite a very small number of people to your actual wedding?

I think that my friends, at least in KC would be sad if I didn't have a shower, I've had some friends mention it when we first got engaged (April 200. I don't care if people give us gifts, but I know that people want to be updated, etc.

What is your opinion?

#2 Banana11

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    Posted 04 December 2008 - 02:31 PM

    I personally think you can handle it however you want! And everyone has a different opinion on this topic. I had people that aren't coming to our wedding that were happy to come to the shower to celebrate with us.

    #3 DanielleNDerek

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      Posted 04 December 2008 - 06:40 PM

      I wouldnt invite people that arent invited to the wedding but i'm not in your situation. I did have people that were invited but couldnt make it to the wedding that did come to the shower. I think if your friends decided to throw you a shower that would be cool. Maybe they'll do that. Or a bachlorette party with them or you can plan to have a lunch/brunch with them.
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      #4 Jen_S

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        Posted 04 December 2008 - 10:20 PM

        I also would not personally invite anyone to a shower that was not invited to our wedding. I have gone to showers and then not been included in the wedding and it is not a great feeling.
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        #5 ErinB


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          Posted 04 December 2008 - 10:41 PM

          First off, it isn't up to you to plan your showers. Someone close to you should offer to host one. If they are hosting, then they can help determine the guest list.

          I personally did not invite anyone to a shower that wasn't invited to the wedding. However we had quite a few people who could not attend and most of them I know would not be able to make it, but I wanted them to feel included.

          I don't see anything wrong with both families offering to host a shower, provided they know about the wedding and your reasons for wanting to keep it small.

          I had 2 showers in my hometown, one hosted by and aunt and the other by friends. I also had a shower in KC hosted by my MIL because none of my DH's side could make it.

          #6 KLC77

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            Posted 05 December 2008 - 12:53 AM

            I agree that if it is a traditional bridal shower, only those invited to the wedding should be invited, however, our friends decided to have what I would call a Wedding Celebration (or something like that). They invited everyone invited to the wedding (guys and girls) and then they did decide to include some of our close friends that were not invited to the wedding. Gifts were not expected and it turned out fine. It was a surprise to FI and I and we had lots of fun. However, if I knew about it I probably would've only invited those invited to the wedding. Its a little awkward to talk with people about how excited you are for your DW when you didn't include them in the festivities. JMO And I agree with pp, they should plan something for you. You shouldn't have to plan it.

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            #7 tylersgirl

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              Posted 05 December 2008 - 01:22 AM

              I am not inviting anyone to my shower that isn't invited to my wedding. With that said, if you will only have 2-4 people in your case I think you should just put at the bottom of the invitation "no gifts please" because it is such a bad feeling to spend money on someone when they don't even invite you to the wedding KWIM? Thats just my opinion. Good luck girl!

              #8 kevsgirl

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                Posted 05 December 2008 - 01:39 AM

                This is a sore topic for me
                Mostly because to begin with, I've never liked showers. I always thought they looked like gift-grabs and were boring.
                But then my wedding came along... and people wanted to throw me showers. People who are invited, but they invited people who weren't invited.

                It goes against what I think should be done, but we are in the same situation as you in that we only invited about 25 people total. We wanted a very small wedding. People in town who werne't invited, who wouldn't have been able to go even if they were, wanted to celebrate with us.

                So - IDK. I guess it really depends on your relationship with the people who are on the guest list. As long as they are close/old friends people you know want to share this kind of experience with you and know that they are important to you, go for it. And acknolwedge how fabulous they are for coming. I really enjoyed seeing so many people from different times of my life come together. It was a great experience. And I fully intend on bringing them back together for a party of some kind afterward to share the wedding photos with them and celebrate with them

                #9 monkey

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                  Posted 06 December 2008 - 02:23 AM

                  I think if you want to have a celebration that is fine but everyone knows that the word "shower" equals gifts. And if they don't make the list to be invited to the wedding then they shouldn't be asked to bring you a gift. It may be an age thing (I am 37 and perhaps jaded) and over the years you get really tired of going to wedding showers and feeling like it is just to beef up the guest list and/or give gifts.

                  Keep in mind I am a Manitoban and we have 200 person showers and something called a Social where we are expected to buy a $15 ticket to a dance in gymnasium decorated with paper table clothes/streamers and buy your own drinks, buy raffle tickets to win prizes and pay to get people out of jail. So, weddings here feel very much like a cash grab and that is what I am trying to avoid by going away.

                  #10 BachataBride

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                    Posted 06 December 2008 - 02:34 AM

                    My family and a lot of my friends (including my MOH) are in another province so I will not be having a shower since I will not be "home" before the wedding. (I also don't really agree with them personally) I do have friends here in ON that are taking it upon themselves (even though they can't make it to the wedding) to throw me a bachelorette party. I'm pretty excited - it's next Saturday!!! Maybe you could have a bachelorette or a girls day/night instead of calling it a shower.

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