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Who makes the guest list?


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#1 NewOrleansbride

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    Posted 03 April 2008 - 02:46 PM

    I understand that for most traditional weddings the grooms family and the brides family get a certain number of invitations. However, since we're having a destination wedding and we want to keep it small and intimate, my fiance and I only included the people that are closest to us.

    My fmil asked me last week when she should send me her guest list (she knew that I had already sent out the save the dates). I tried to explain that we already had the guest list completed (a lot of her friends are invited), but she did not seem to grasp the concept that we want our wedding to be small.

    So, my question is... did I break an etiquette rule by not giving his mom a certain number of spots on the guest list (by the way... they are not paying for any part of the wedding)?
    -Rachel

    #2 becks

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    Posted 03 April 2008 - 03:15 PM

    This is where you get FI to step in. You need to remember that this is your wedding, your day, your rules. But this is his family, and you shouldn't have to be the one bearing bad news. So have him explain to her that you want it small, you've invited a number of her friends, and that's it.

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    #3 Kristy!

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      Posted 03 April 2008 - 03:19 PM

      I agree with Becks. Make sure FI is very clear with his mother about how small you want your wedding to be. Once a few more people are added to the guest list, it has the potential to snowball out of control. The next thing you know, you have 300 people invited!

      #4 Golden

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        Posted 03 April 2008 - 03:29 PM

        Becks is right, let your FI deal with his mom. I had the same issue, my fmil
        is not coming but want to invite her friends. I thought that was crazy.

        #5 Ana

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        Posted 03 April 2008 - 03:31 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by NewOrleansbride
        I understand that for most traditional weddings the grooms family and the brides family get a certain number of invitations. However, since we're having a destination wedding and we want to keep it small and intimate, my fiance and I only included the people that are closest to us.

        My fmil asked me last week when she should send me her guest list (she knew that I had already sent out the save the dates). I tried to explain that we already had the guest list completed (a lot of her friends are invited), but she did not seem to grasp the concept that we want our wedding to be small.

        So, my question is... did I break an etiquette rule by not giving his mom a certain number of spots on the guest list (by the way... they are not paying for any part of the wedding)?

        I don't think you broke any rule at all. Its your wedding and you can do what you want. Also, if she was paying for any of it then I think she might have a bit more say, but since they aren't then I definately think that its 100% your decision. She should be curteous and understanding.

        #6 DanielleNDerek

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          Posted 03 April 2008 - 03:35 PM

          Didn't you have to get her friends that you did invite addresses from fmil? You would think she would of realized when STDs went out, that was it.

          Let fi deal with her. It's your wedding not hers. If you want a small intimate wedding, than that's what you should have don't let her push into inviting more. Even if you think the people wouldn't go, you never know, it might be the vacation they always wanted to take and now they would have an excuse to take it.

          Why do people have to be difficult when you start planning a wedding!
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          #7 Maura

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          Posted 03 April 2008 - 03:38 PM

          my FMIL is paying 100% for our wedding but respected that we wanted to keep it relatively small. we let her invite a couple extra people because shes paying, but our general rule otherwise was if we couldnt call them to talk without it being weird or them thinking why are they calling me, then they werent invited. people who dont pay aint got no say! stick to your guns, and like rebecca said, this is where your FI needs to step in to explain to her that its not her wedding and the guest list is already decided. if she wants to throw you an AHR to include her friends, then its her prerogative to do that, but your wedding is YOUR wedding, and YOU have the final say over the guest list.

          #8 MelanieS

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            Posted 03 April 2008 - 03:38 PM

            Are you having an AHR? If so, then maybe you can expand the guest list to include more of your FMIL's friends that way. My daughter is having a small wedding with 18 guests, but for the reception later we are sending out 230 invites. I agree that you shouldn't have to invite anyone other than those you truly want to be at your wedding.

            #9 NewOrleansbride

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              Posted 04 April 2008 - 12:18 PM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by DanielleNDerek
              Even if you think the people wouldn't go, you never know, it might be the vacation they always wanted to take and now they would have an excuse to take it.

              Why do people have to be difficult when you start planning a wedding!
              Exactly! FMIL was saying that these people probably won't come anyway, but when they do it becomes my problem. My future sister in law was married in CO last year and about 150 people came from TX (some that weren't even invited!).
              -Rachel

              #10 starchild

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                Posted 04 April 2008 - 12:21 PM

                You make the list and she's lucky to be on it! LOL j/k but unless there is someone critical to her life they don't need to be at your intimate wedding....and even then if they were that critical you would have thought to invite them. Don't feel bad, just invite who you and FI want :)




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