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nenamono

Any one else NOT changing their last name?

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Originally Posted by Dbld78 View Post
thank you! i found myself becoming heated....i guess because to me it's such an important thing and i do believe that my identity (to some extent) is my name and maybe i misread but i was beginning to feel like my passion for the issue was being chalked up as silly. but like i said maybe i misread, and i do apologize if i offended anyone.
I don't think any of us think it's silly to be passionate about your name. I am excited to be out of school & build a professional identity some day. Some of us do take the name change lightly, but just because we don't have that attachment to our names for various reasons. As a pro photographer your name becomes tied to your reputation. I wouldn't be changing if I was in your shoes.

A great thing about a destination wedding forum is that we are obviously all fine with not being traditional.

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Originally Posted by Morgan View Post
Do you also have an easy picked on by school children last name, too?
When I substitute taught I went by "Ms. Morgan." The kids would always ask what my first name was, but I wouldn't tell them.

hah, actually my last name is a very straightforward irish name. not too easy to pick on. now fi's is 6 letters long, but 4 of those babies are vowels. eeeeek.

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Originally Posted by katrina View Post
hah, actually my last name is a very straightforward irish name. not too easy to pick on. now fi's is 6 letters long, but 4 of those babies are vowels. eeeeek.
You would be so expensive on wheel of fortune!

It's so funny how we are all so cryptic with our last names. It makes me think of that seinfeld episode where a girl tells jerry her name rhymes with part of the female anatomy & he called her "Mulva."

If anyone is interested to know what my name rhymes with, PM me. I just don't like putting my name/ address/ stuff too personal on the internet.

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I totally agree that the meaning of words like "Mrs" can change and evolve over time. And words only have as much meaning and symbolism as we allow them to anyway. So, for those who hear "Mrs" and think "Mr's" it's something that would be hard to get past, but for those who hear "Mrs" and think about the title their mothers and grandmothers were referred to by or whatever conotation the word has for them, then it represents something different and a positive tradition to embrace. But of course, this is still just one aspect of the "change/keep my name" dilemma that we go through and consider.

 

I always liked using the term "Ms" and didn't think there was any restriction on apply it to women over the age of, say, 16 years. I think it's like the great equalizer -- no one knows if you're married or not. I'm a social worker and I've worked with people who, for numerous reasons, experience discrimination based on the fact that they are not married (either legally or at all). I'm totally shocked they told you that you couldn't be a Ms. at the DMV. I thought you just got to circle Miss/Ms/Mrs and declare yourself to be one of the three.

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Originally Posted by lyrebard View Post
It's so interesting to read all of these. When I was young, I never felt that attached to my last name. In fact, I thought it sounded kinda funny. But as I grew older, I began to think about how I was the last one left from my dad's side of the family with his name. Now, I can't imagine giving it up. It's nearly all I have left of my family, and I'm pretty attached to it, funny-sounding and all.
I grew to love my maiden name too. It is rare in the U.S, my dad is European and there are a handful of people with the name in the States...when he finds one he contacts them because somehow we are related...lol It sounds cool and I even as a middle name that most people won't hear, I'm keeping it.

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Originally Posted by Morgan View Post
One last name I would never change to is Morgan. I was always worried about falling in love with a Blank Morgan and being Morgan Morgan. I didn't even care to get to know guys with the last name Morgan.
LOL! I always feared I would fall in love with a Bob Ramey or something that rhymed with Jamy, like on Married with Children when Marcy Rhodes married Jefferson Darcy, that was not cool!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dbld78 View Post
thank you! i found myself becoming heated....i guess because to me it's such an important thing and i do believe that my identity (to some extent) is my name and maybe i misread but i was beginning to feel like my passion for the issue was being chalked up as silly. but like i said maybe i misread, and i do apologize if i offended anyone.
No worries, nobody here would say your choice is dumb or illogical. No offense taken. You are free to express why you would never change your name, just like others are free to express why they would certainly change theirs.
~~~~~~

To me, I had to realize that a name doesn't define me (Dbld78 don't get heated, this is not to put you or anyone down, just to say why I chose what I chose). Seriously, I agonized over what to do for months. But I did make a decision to keep my maiden as a middle and take my husband's last name, even after considering how important my maiden name is to me.

It's just what I wanted to do and it's not like people won't know who I am anymore. I am the same person with the same job and the same circle of friends and associates, most of whom know I got married. If I come across someone who hadn't heard, it's as simple as saying "I'm Mrs. X now". Everything else is paperwork (which I still need to do!). To each their own!

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Originally Posted by Pazoop View Post
I'm totally shocked they told you that you couldn't be a Ms. at the DMV. I thought you just got to circle Miss/Ms/Mrs and declare yourself to be one of the three.

maybe it was just this one rude DMV employee. I circled Ms because that's what I always pick & she said "are you divorced? Then you need to put Miss." I told her I don't like Miss. She said "Is that your man (pointing to Mike), might want to talk to him about that." Grrr, that was a horrible day at the DMV. It took 8 hours to get our stupid NC license. Then she didn't even give me the option for lighthouse, airplane, or seal as the picture on my license. I made her redo it. I want my lighthouse! I just realized I fought harder for my lighthouse than Miss or Ms. But I don't think they put the salutation on the actual license.

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I really didn't want to change it, but honestly now that I have it does make me feel like we are a family because we are "the Hulls"

I still miss my name all the time and as a teacher I get called by my last name everyday so it was a huge part of my life.

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Morgan - Sounds like that was one disgruntled DMV employee!! Wow! What a way to make a bad day at the DMV even worse! At least you got the lighthouse, I hope? But what the DMV woman did is really the point of this whole conversation -- no one else, not even my FI, should be able to tell me what I can or cannot call myself. That said, because I love my FI I invite his input and his feelings on the matter are absolutely taken into consideration, whereas the DMV's are not! :-)

 

I also believe that it's a woman's perogative to change her mind! Who knows? Maybe after we have children I will want to add my FI's last name to mine because it will make me feel more like we're a "family" unit. That's likely still another 5 years away at least and I can't predict the future and how I'll feel then. I think it would also be ok (although I've never heard of anyone whose still married doing this) for a woman to go back to using her last name if she just can't get used to using her husbands. The new rules are that there are no rules. Just whatever works best for you.

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Originally Posted by Pazoop View Post
Morgan - Sounds like that was one disgruntled DMV employee!! Wow! What a way to make a bad day at the DMV even worse! At least you got the lighthouse, I hope? But what the DMV woman did is really the point of this whole conversation -- no one else, not even my FI, should be able to tell me what I can or cannot call myself. That said, because I love my FI I invite his input and his feelings on the matter are absolutely taken into consideration, whereas the DMV's are not! :-)

I also believe that it's a woman's perogative to change her mind! Who knows? Maybe after we have children I will want to add my FI's last name to mine because it will make me feel more like we're a "family" unit. That's likely still another 5 years away at least and I can't predict the future and how I'll feel then. I think it would also be ok (although I've never heard of anyone whose still married doing this) for a woman to go back to using her last name if she just can't get used to using her husbands. The new rules are that there are no rules. Just whatever works best for you.
Yep, I got my lighthouse. I just looked on my license & it doesn't say Ms or Miss. I think that's why I didn't fight it. The woman told me it was her last day at work. Maybe she just didn't care anymore.

When we first went to the DMV that day they wouldn't take our social security cards because they didn't have our full middle name. So we had to get new SS cards. It was an experience! It was so chaotic it was just funny. And it took forever. When it was finally our turn we knew why. The lady who typed in all the info had the longest fingernails I've ever seen in person. She could hardly type. This was one of my first experiences in north carolina. I was scared it would always be like this, but I love this place now. I'm just not looking forward to going through the process all over again to change my name. Another thing to add to the list of pros for keeping a name.

I totally agree with everything you said. Well put too. I love hearing from independent thinking people. I don't like to do something just because thats how it has always been done. We should make our own decisions based on what we want. So what if everyone has always gotten married like this or that. I'm doing it my way!

Roar!

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