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Guest Inviting Strangers To My Wedding?

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#41 TinkerSofi

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Posted 06 March 2015 - 08:08 AM

Guys. I am about to fly off the handle.

 

I am being THAT PERSON and attaching screenshots because I swear I wouldn't even believe this was real if it wasn't happening to me.

 

A few days ago I made a PRIVATE Facebook group for our wedding guests, just for everyone to have a place to ask questions or to post and reminders or info.

 

Yesterday, I get this notification that one of the groomsmen's girlfriends has invited two people I've never even heard of to be in the group.

 

 

 

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I, of course, think she must have just clicked a wrong button or something because WHY WOULD SOMEONE INVITE STRANGERS TO BE A PART OF MY WEDDING FACEBOOK GROUP?!

 

So, I ask.

 

 

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I don't think I can accurately convey how infuriating this is. Having someone tell ME who is coming to MY wedding.

 

So, the backstory: my FI works at a small specialty machining shop with only 7 guys or so.  The boss is the father of one of my best friends/bridesmaids, and one of his coworkers/groomsmen (the more I write about this stuff the more I realize how strangely intertwined all of our relationship are, haha). So, their entire family is coming to the wedding. Corey's best man also works at the shop, so basically the shop will have to shut down during wedding week because pretty much no one will be there.

 

Now, apparently, the boss has decided to pay for EVERYONE to go to Mexico.

 

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For those of you keeping track, that is 6 more people total because of the one guy's girlfriend (although ONE of those people was ACTUALLY invited, because believe it or not we really did sentd save the dates to people we wanted to be a part of our special day,  so he doesn't count. So we're talking 5 univited guests).

 

I am just beside myself, and so is my FI. 

 

I've literally never heard Corey mention this Michael guy - they're not close. I'm sorry, but I don't want him AND his girlfriend there.

 

What the heck do I do? How do I tactfully go around saying "Hey, just wondering if you were expecting to be invited to the ceremony and reception, because if you were you're wrong." Or, more accurately, how do I get my FI to do that?
 

How do you tell people you've never spoken to in your life that they're not invited to your wedding when someone else has apparently invited them?

 

At a normal wedding, I think it's pretty much assumed that you're only invited if you get an invitation. This feels like a free for all. At this point I should just hire a big burly bouncer at the door of the wedding and have people present their invitations to be allowed in like some fancy VIP club or something!

 

I've said all along that people can bring whoever they want to Mexico since it's their vacation too. This works out fine with strangers and people I don't know, because of course they wouldn't expect to be invited to the wedding (although that wasn't the case with the original reason for this post...) But now it's just messy when people are inviting our acquaintances, who might then assume that they're invited to the wedding activities.

 

I'm just at a loss. Now my poor FI has to be put in this awkward position of having to figure out how to convey that some of his coworkers are allowed at the wedding and some of them weren't invited. I have no idea what to do.  I want to send out a memo to the entire world saying "FYI, you're not invited to a wedding unless the couple expressly invites you to be there, even if it's a Destination Wedding." Can I sent out non-invitations? "This document is to inform you that you are not invited to the Salyer Dean wedding since apparently a lack of an invitation is not enough to convey that message, you heathens." 

 

This was mostly a rant post, but if anyone has any suggestions they would be greatly appreciated!

 

(BONUS RANT: SO, the boss is giving each employee $1500, including wives and girlfriends, to go on a vacation....what do my FI and his best man get, who already paid for the trip on their own? All of his coworkers are essentially getting a $1500 - $3000 bonus because my FI is getting married....while he and his best man get nothing because they were obviously already planning to attend.  That may sound greedy, but how is that fair???)

 

Just wow! I am beside myself how people can do this!? I can only imagine how you feel. This literally pisses me off and it's not even my wedding! 

 

Honestly, I would send the memo to everyone saying that if they didn't get an invite they're not invited to the wedding. Maybe add a line saying that this is an intimate wedding with only family and close friends.

 

At this point I wouldn't even be worried about being rude, because they've forced you into this position. They have been extremely rude to you and you have no choice but to put a stop to the madness. I wouldn't even care who gets mad and if they say something I'd just reply "have you ever invited yourself to anyone else's wedding? what makes mine any different?"



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#42 Smellsey

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Posted 06 March 2015 - 08:16 AM

WOW!!! I am shocked that someone would do. BEFORE even talking to you about it! I mean - I know that we all have to remember that this is a vacation for everyone as well. But.. not for people YOU DO NOT KNOW! I would never in a million years do that for someone else's wedding. If I even thought of it - the first thing I would do is contact the bride or groom - whoever you actually know better.

 

My step mom's sister is going by herself and I just received an email that she has invited on of her friends to attend which I have never met. At first I was a tad pissed off but then I phoned my FI and we were like -it's only one other person and she is going alone so this really doesn't affect us much. But if it were GROUPS of people collaborating and going - wow. Watch out people.

 

I think what you said was perfect about then attending the vacation but not the wedding. If his boss wants to pay for all of his employees to go on a vacation - fine. But they don't have to go to the wedding.



#43 rachelia160

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Posted 06 March 2015 - 08:49 AM

 

 

Honestly, I would send the memo to everyone saying that if they didn't get an invite they're not invited to the wedding. Maybe add a line saying that this is an intimate wedding with only family and close friends.

 

 

 

I think I am going to have to post something like the line @calgarybride2015 suggested on the Facebook. It feels so tacky to me but I feel like I don't have a choice. Simple rules of common courtesy shouldn't have to be spelled out for people.

 

WOW!!! I am shocked that someone would do. BEFORE even talking to you about it! I mean - I know that we all have to remember that this is a vacation for everyone as well. But.. not for people YOU DO NOT KNOW! I would never in a million years do that for someone else's wedding. If I even thought of it - the first thing I would do is contact the bride or groom - whoever you actually know better.

 

My step mom's sister is going by herself and I just received an email that she has invited on of her friends to attend which I have never met. At first I was a tad pissed off but then I phoned my FI and we were like -it's only one other person and she is going alone so this really doesn't affect us much. But if it were GROUPS of people collaborating and going - wow. Watch out people.

 

I think what you said was perfect about then attending the vacation but not the wedding. If his boss wants to pay for all of his employees to go on a vacation - fine. But they don't have to go to the wedding.

 

I feel like I've been pretty accommodating overall about people bringing guests I don't know...as a plus one. That's fine!! Everyone totally deserves to have a friend/date/travel buddy for the week AND for the wedding, just as you would for a 'normal' wedding. I had a similar situation as you...my mom's good friend is bringing her sister who I don't know very well (even though she's already bringing her daughter so it's not like she was traveling alone) , and that's fine! I can handle one extra person...if you ask me before you go and do it.

 

And the vacation thing has always been fine, as long as it's made clear that there is no expectation to attend the wedding. I wish I would have had clearer guidelines for that--to tell people A) Yes, bring whoever you want on the trip, it's your summer vacation B) While you may bring whoever you like, only the people on the invitation are invited the the wedding festivities, unless you talk to me first about a plus ONE (ONE! SINGULAR! NO GROUPS!) C) Inform me about who's going before you decide so I can verify the expectations of people on the trip.

 

*sigh* live and learn!



#44 TinkerSofi

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Posted 06 March 2015 - 09:52 AM

I think Calgarybride had a very good suggestion. I'd do the same :)


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#45 calgarybride2015

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Posted 06 March 2015 - 10:40 AM

Any further convo with your friend over this?


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-Kim

Married on 2015/01/21 at the Grand Sirenis Riviera Maya with 43 guests in attendance   :)

 

Planning Thread - http://www.bestdesti...s-riviera-maya/

 

Wedding Pictures http://www.bestdesti...ra-maya/page-36

 

Wedding Review http://www.bestdesti...31#entry1885600

 

 


#46 nadiakat17

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Posted 06 March 2015 - 02:44 PM

Wow just wow. It's amazing how we all have stories of completely rude people. I think it's probably best if you enlist your FIs help to talk to these people about not coming since at least he knows them. You can white lie a bit and say unfortunately you've aleady finalized payment and there is only a certain amount of people the reception is allowed. That sucks for the boss to pay for everyone in the sense that he's making it ok too. Did your FI mention anything at work where people thought that meant an invite? It also sucks the boss is not giving the two guys money too! But then you have to hope you get like a 2 grand wedding present...

#47 rachelia160

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Posted 09 March 2015 - 05:00 AM

Update: I talked to my BFF/bridesmaid, who's dad is my FI's boss (ten point for those of you who have been able to keep everyone straight throughout this whole post!) I was obviously a little more tactful about it than I was on this post  :P  Basically I just kind of explained that I was nervous about not knowing what all of my FI's cowoerkers expectation's were for the wedding ceremony with their boss paying for their trip to Mexico. Being the rockstar that she is, she said "I'll handle it it," and I think she texted her dad conveying our concerns, who then talked to my FI and told him to tell me "to kiss you for him and tell you that he still loves you and he's gonna make everything fine so no worries and to put a bunch of dumb emojis after  said all of that."

 

So now I feel sort of silly and like I over reacted. Truthfully, the part that frustrated me the most was the groomsmen's girlfriend inviting those people to join my private group and saying "They're coming!" I feel like she was the only one who made assumptions and and gave those guests the expectation that they would be invited to the wedding.

 

In the end, we've decided to invite 4/6 of the coworkers/wives to the wedding anyway.  Ironically, the two that won't be on the list are the ones that the girl tried to invite to the Facebook group.  My FI has never mentioned him and says he's only worked there for two months and that he doesn't know him that well (while he's worked with the other guys for years), so even though at first I felt bad that he ad his girlfriend will be the only coworkers not on the guestlist, my guess is that they don't want to be at a virtual stranger's wedding when they could be relaxing at an all inclusive resort any more than we particularly want them there, so I'm going to try not to stress over it.

 

So all in all, everything has worked out fine. Fingers crossed that no other surprise guests popped up.  I was only expecting about 40 people to come to the wedding, so I bought enough stuff for 60, and we're already up to 56! I'm obviously thrilled that that many loved ones are joining us, but the numbers are making me bite my nails a little!



#48 calgarybride2015

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Posted 09 March 2015 - 05:11 AM

Hey don't feel silly. It's your wedding and ultimately YOU get to decide who's there and not her.

Glad it's taken care of and that you did decide to invite some. See doesn't it feel better when you get to make that call? Sigh lol.

So was the BFF the one who said yes to 4 and no to 2? That's great she took charge!!!

Hope there are no other surprises but after this I think people will realize now that you want to make those calls yourself and will just ask you first :)


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-Kim

Married on 2015/01/21 at the Grand Sirenis Riviera Maya with 43 guests in attendance   :)

 

Planning Thread - http://www.bestdesti...s-riviera-maya/

 

Wedding Pictures http://www.bestdesti...ra-maya/page-36

 

Wedding Review http://www.bestdesti...31#entry1885600

 

 






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