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rachelia160

Guest Inviting Strangers To My Wedding?

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WOW!!! I am shocked that someone would do. BEFORE even talking to you about it! I mean - I know that we all have to remember that this is a vacation for everyone as well. But.. not for people YOU DO NOT KNOW! I would never in a million years do that for someone else's wedding. If I even thought of it - the first thing I would do is contact the bride or groom - whoever you actually know better.

 

My step mom's sister is going by herself and I just received an email that she has invited on of her friends to attend which I have never met. At first I was a tad pissed off but then I phoned my FI and we were like -it's only one other person and she is going alone so this really doesn't affect us much. But if it were GROUPS of people collaborating and going - wow. Watch out people.

 

I think what you said was perfect about then attending the vacation but not the wedding. If his boss wants to pay for all of his employees to go on a vacation - fine. But they don't have to go to the wedding.

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Honestly, I would send the memo to everyone saying that if they didn't get an invite they're not invited to the wedding. Maybe add a line saying that this is an intimate wedding with only family and close friends.

 

 

 

I think I am going to have to post something like the line @@calgarybride2015 suggested on the Facebook. It feels so tacky to me but I feel like I don't have a choice. Simple rules of common courtesy shouldn't have to be spelled out for people.

 

WOW!!! I am shocked that someone would do. BEFORE even talking to you about it! I mean - I know that we all have to remember that this is a vacation for everyone as well. But.. not for people YOU DO NOT KNOW! I would never in a million years do that for someone else's wedding. If I even thought of it - the first thing I would do is contact the bride or groom - whoever you actually know better.

 

My step mom's sister is going by herself and I just received an email that she has invited on of her friends to attend which I have never met. At first I was a tad pissed off but then I phoned my FI and we were like -it's only one other person and she is going alone so this really doesn't affect us much. But if it were GROUPS of people collaborating and going - wow. Watch out people.

 

I think what you said was perfect about then attending the vacation but not the wedding. If his boss wants to pay for all of his employees to go on a vacation - fine. But they don't have to go to the wedding.

 

I feel like I've been pretty accommodating overall about people bringing guests I don't know...as a plus one. That's fine!! Everyone totally deserves to have a friend/date/travel buddy for the week AND for the wedding, just as you would for a 'normal' wedding. I had a similar situation as you...my mom's good friend is bringing her sister who I don't know very well (even though she's already bringing her daughter so it's not like she was traveling alone) , and that's fine! I can handle one extra person...if you ask me before you go and do it.

 

And the vacation thing has always been fine, as long as it's made clear that there is no expectation to attend the wedding. I wish I would have had clearer guidelines for that--to tell people A) Yes, bring whoever you want on the trip, it's your summer vacation B) While you may bring whoever you like, only the people on the invitation are invited the the wedding festivities, unless you talk to me first about a plus ONE (ONE! SINGULAR! NO GROUPS!) C) Inform me about who's going before you decide so I can verify the expectations of people on the trip.

 

*sigh* live and learn!

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I think Calgarybride had a very good suggestion. I'd do the same :)

 

 

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Wow just wow. It's amazing how we all have stories of completely rude people. I think it's probably best if you enlist your FIs help to talk to these people about not coming since at least he knows them. You can white lie a bit and say unfortunately you've aleady finalized payment and there is only a certain amount of people the reception is allowed. That sucks for the boss to pay for everyone in the sense that he's making it ok too. Did your FI mention anything at work where people thought that meant an invite? It also sucks the boss is not giving the two guys money too! But then you have to hope you get like a 2 grand wedding present...

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Update: I talked to my BFF/bridesmaid, who's dad is my FI's boss (ten point for those of you who have been able to keep everyone straight throughout this whole post!) I was obviously a little more tactful about it than I was on this post  :P  Basically I just kind of explained that I was nervous about not knowing what all of my FI's cowoerkers expectation's were for the wedding ceremony with their boss paying for their trip to Mexico. Being the rockstar that she is, she said "I'll handle it it," and I think she texted her dad conveying our concerns, who then talked to my FI and told him to tell me "to kiss you for him and tell you that he still loves you and he's gonna make everything fine so no worries and to put a bunch of dumb emojis after  said all of that."

 

So now I feel sort of silly and like I over reacted. Truthfully, the part that frustrated me the most was the groomsmen's girlfriend inviting those people to join my private group and saying "They're coming!" I feel like she was the only one who made assumptions and and gave those guests the expectation that they would be invited to the wedding.

 

In the end, we've decided to invite 4/6 of the coworkers/wives to the wedding anyway.  Ironically, the two that won't be on the list are the ones that the girl tried to invite to the Facebook group.  My FI has never mentioned him and says he's only worked there for two months and that he doesn't know him that well (while he's worked with the other guys for years), so even though at first I felt bad that he ad his girlfriend will be the only coworkers not on the guestlist, my guess is that they don't want to be at a virtual stranger's wedding when they could be relaxing at an all inclusive resort any more than we particularly want them there, so I'm going to try not to stress over it.

 

So all in all, everything has worked out fine. Fingers crossed that no other surprise guests popped up.  I was only expecting about 40 people to come to the wedding, so I bought enough stuff for 60, and we're already up to 56! I'm obviously thrilled that that many loved ones are joining us, but the numbers are making me bite my nails a little!

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Hey don't feel silly. It's your wedding and ultimately YOU get to decide who's there and not her.

 

Glad it's taken care of and that you did decide to invite some. See doesn't it feel better when you get to make that call? Sigh lol.

 

So was the BFF the one who said yes to 4 and no to 2? That's great she took charge!!!

 

Hope there are no other surprises but after this I think people will realize now that you want to make those calls yourself and will just ask you first :)

 

 

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