Grandparents

[Rainmaker]

My FH has 2 kids (13 and 10) and we were discussing "what will they call my parents?" The kids already have 2 sets of grandparents and I am clueless what they should call my parents. I've been around the kids for the past two years and they call me by my first name. We were thinking to have the kids call my parents by their first names. But last night my mother insisted they should call her "Nana" just like my brothers kids do. 

My future step kids have never met my mother (they have met my dad) and just like it's taken time to develop a relationship with them it will take time for my parents to develop a relationship too. They already have a "Nana" and it seems like forcing them to call my mom "Nana" might cause a stir in the relationship that I'm working so hard to develop with them.

 

Any thoughts or suggestions on what the kids should call their step grandparents?

[kmk2016]

At that age... Id ask them- especially the 13 yr old. At that age you, as you wisely have done- don't want to force them to look at you as "mom" or your parents as instant Grandparents. Have your FI talk to the kids and see what works for them.

 

I called my step dad by his first name for as long as I've know him and his parents were "mr and mrs --- " as a sign of respect.

Don't force anything on them,,, it will happen naturally- since your mom seems to be pushing the "nana" thing maybe explain to her that it doesn't feel comfortable for them right now- and hope she understands.

 

 

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[acw271011]

Been there, done that. Blended families.... boy the stories I could tell!! lol

 

I have 4 kids - 2 that are mine and 2 steps. It wasn't easy in the beginning and even after 13 years, sometimes it still isn't. With the age of your 2, I would definitely just start out with the kids calling your parents Mr. and Mrs. At least to begin with and until everyone is comfortable with each other. It will depend on how often they see your parents too and how comfortable they actually get with them. You really need to tell your mom to cool it. Sounds like she means well, but kids can get very resentful if you aren't careful. My step daughter was so angry that she refused to acknowledge me for the longest time. Now I'm her step-mom. My step son accepted me almost right away, but even after 13 years still refers to me as his "dad's wife" and before that his dad"s "girlfriend". And they are quite a bit older. It also isnt' polite for kids that young to call your parents by their first name. The "nana" thing will come on its own time.

[Rainmaker]

Thank you both so much for your thoughts! I know that my mom does mean well but none of us are from blended families so I am just trying to keep the kids in mind. I've worked hard these past few years and I don't want to derail that. They have just started saying "I love you" to me (oh it makes my heart melt) and I really want them to go at their own pace.

 

Thanks ladies!

[acw271011]

Good luck! They say second time around is the best, and I'll absolutely agree. I got super lucky at my age with probably the most wonderful man in the entire world (I've decided to keep him!). After nearly 13 years he can still give me butterflies and he's sexier now than when I first met him! It most definitely gets better with age!!

[Nybride525]

I would let the kids decide what to call them once they develop a relationship. That way it's more meaningful and not forced