Just a thought, but if your fiancee wants to still get married in a DW, knowing that his closest men will not be there with him, I think that's just an attestation to how much he loves you! And wants you to be happy! And wants the day that he marries you to be a day that he will remember forever as the day that he pledged his eternal love for you and the day that you became his wife. Not the day that you became his wife and his brother/friend wasn't there. Do you know what I mean? You might both think of the people that aren't there on your wedding day, and it might be sad for a moment, but let's be real...you'll be drop dead gorgeous in your dress, you'll be on the beach, surrounded by other people that love you and are there for you, and by the end of the night, you'll be with your husband! How upset is he really going to be?? If the answer to that involves him bawling his eyes out from heartbreak of not having the best man he wanted, then maybe that's the time to consider not having the DW of your dreams (hopefully I'm not overstepping there!).
Absolutely go forward with your dream wedding! Very well said by a lot of the ladies, above! At the end of the day, it's your wedding! Even if you change your mind and stay local, people (ie: future SIL) are still going to find ways to try and make your wedding about them. Do you really think she won't make a big deal about having to find a baby sitter for the wedding, or spending too much on the tux or something? From what you've said, she'll probably take the opportunity to complain about anything, regardless of where you get married!
Do what's in your heart! Best of luck.
Thanks for everyone's thoughts!!
As for the baby thing...I will definitely NOT be trying to persuade her to come and bring the baby...I was just wondering for my own information whether or not her concerns are valid or ridiculous. If I'm being honest, I'd rather her not be there as she is very materialistic and judgmental and I'd rather not hear the snide comments from her on our wedding day. Not to mention, you made a good point about me taking blame if anything were to happen to the baby. I'm not having that on my shoulders!
UPDATE: Wednesday night around 11pm I got a text message asking if they could come over to talk...while we were sleeping. SO that didn't happen. Thursday night, after my birthday dinner, they again said lets talk, but this time they were too tired. Perhaps tonight we will get an answer from them. Until we do, I'll continue to feel sick to my stomach.
I appreciate everyone's thoughts on the matter of my BIL coming...Now I have another question for all of you...my FI is telling me we will do it without him. BUT, this only came after they told us NO the first time and I was hysterically crying...he saw how upset I was at the thought of having to give up my dreams for them and has now decided he'd rather give up having his brother there. I keep telling him I can't do that. If the situation was reversed and it was my sister who couldn't come, I know that my FI wouldn't make me go without her. He needs to have his brother there with him...did I mention his cousin also can't come, and two of his childhood friends? He will basically have no one there for him that he is really close to! What do I do now if my BIL decides he isn't going to MAN UP and tell his wife that he's going?
I can't stand the thought of my FI being upset on our wedding day if he doesn't have his brother there...it will make me upset and feel guilty for pushing for the DW. But then if we do stay here, I will resent them for a very long time...and my FI will know on our wedding day that its not where it should be...but at least he will have his brother beside him. Someone is going to be upset no matter what we choose...if the BIL doesn't come. What is the right answer?
Thanks again brides!!