Frustrated - It's always something..

Ellabaja1983 · July 30, 2010

I just need to take a minute and vent my frustrations because I know you ladies are always great with making people feel better about things!

One of my three girls in the bridal party is making me want to go crazy!

Originally, we were going to do a traditional wedding here at home, but 3 or 4 months ago decided to go with a DW. Two out of the three girls were like, "I'm there no matter what, it's your big day and I want to be there for it," and the third one replied with something like, "why would you do that? People aren't going to be able to afford it, it's a lot to ask." I told her I understood that some people would not be able to make it because of the cost, but that's why we were having an AHR so we could still include everyone.

About a month later she was telling me a story about a conversation she had with her mother about how her mother asked her why she wasn't going to go. Though...she never told me she couldn't go. So, for the last few months we've been trying to figure out how she will be able to afford it, but everything we come up with, a few days later she tells me why it all of a sudden won't work. I feel like she is not trying at all and just stringing me along. I would completely understand if she just said she couldn't afford it. I've told her that several times and I understand she may really want to go, but she knows she can't, why continue to have me come up with ways to make it work? I mean, eventually she's gotta realize that it's just going to frustrate me to no end....

Okay, I think that's all for now! Thanks in advance for listening!

katieandaron · July 30, 2010

I'm sorry you're so frustrated! That situation is a bummer.

My two cents: a) she doesn't want to go but likes the attention she's getting from you and so keeps egging you on; or she knows she can't afford it but really wants to go, so she's delaying the point when she has to officially say okay, I can't do it; or c) she's waiting for you to offer to pay for her??

I think as soon as you give her something she has to firmly commit to- like buying the bridesmaid dress- you will get a decision?

Good luck!

ahilal · July 30, 2010

People are often caught between what they would like to be able to do, and what they can actually do. Intentions sometimes overshoot reality. Mostly folks mean well, but it can cause a lot of problems if they never get real and just face up to the facts. Be sure that she understands it's okay with you either way, and things will get sorted out quick.

islandbride317 · July 31, 2010

I can certainly understand your frustration, dear....it's unfortunate, but a lot of frustration comes with having a DW because it is something completely different than an at-home wedding, and it's an idea people still are getting used to.

And while she says she wants to come, it sounds to me like she's already decided she not going to be able to go, so have to asked her frankly what her plans are? Just put it all out there, and let her know that while you would absolutely love for her to be there, you need to move on with planning and if she can't make it, she'll still be included in the AHR.

Good luck and I hope this all gets sorted out!

Ellabaja1983 · August 2, 2010

Thank you ladies! I have been very upfront with her on my feelings and what my expectations are. I have been very clear that I completely understand if she cannot make it and that is acceptable to me.

Please, don't get me wrong, I have in no way made my feelings unknown. I understand that not everyone can make it to a DW, I accepted that when we made the deposit. I think my biggest problem is that almost every day it's back and forth. Last week we had it set up in a situation where she said she could go because she can afford to go when sharing a room. Then something happened with the other individual so that situation fell through, but I told her not to worry that there would be other people who she could share a room with. She has said that she's open to share a room with just about anyone. I've told her she doesn't need to do it if she's uncomfortable, I'd understand. Well, then just last Friday she tells me that she doesn't know if she can do it now because she thought she'd have to replace her cell phone and that was going to cost a lot. In the end she got her old cell phone fixed so I said, "oh good, than that won't be a problem anymore and it sounds like you will still be able to go!" She responded with, "I'm not sure, as I've told you before that things have to work out perfectly in order for me to go and if they don't, I can't do it." This is also the girl that told me that if her bf proposes to her than she's not going to my wedding because she wants to have her wedding instead. I guess that she wants to get married, but her bf has told her that he has no intentions at this time of proposing so that shouldn't be a factor in whether she goes or not.

Sorry for the long post, I just feel like I'm getting the run around every day from her. She's already purchased her bridesmaid dress, so that isn't going to stop her from not making a decision. I know DW are expensive for guests... but is it really too much to ask to get straight-up answers from a "friend"??