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Brides 2 Be with Babies??


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#11 SuzyQ76

SuzyQ76
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    Posted 15 October 2009 - 09:19 PM

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jennybell1
    Good idea starting the post! My story is a little different, but here goes.....

    I have a 5yr old son from my previous marriage of 8 yrs and we share custody of him. I have him for a week and then he goes to his dad's house for a week. It works really well for all of us right now. Not sure how it will work in the future, but Im taking it day to day.
    When Riley and I were dating he wasnt sure where our future would be bc of my son. He never saw himself dating someone with a child and wasnt sure if that was the life he wanted. I couldnt fault him for that, bc I really didnt want to get involved with anyone that had children of their own either. Double standard, I know. But I just didnt want to add more possible drama then I already had. So I understood what he was feeling. His mom chatted with him early in our relationship - bless her heart - and told him that Logan and I were a package deal and that if he really wanted to be with me, then he had to take everything that came with me. Riley was very uneasy initially due to the fact he hadnt been around a lot of kids and wasnt sure what he could and couldnt say to my son. It was hard for him...of that I am sure. I made sure that Logan understood that he needed to listen to Riley and slowly Riley become more comfortable stepping in when required. Dont get me wrong, most of the discipline comes from me, however Riley does step in when he needs to or when Im not around. Riley has slowly come out of his shell of being guarded due to the tricky nature of our situation, and Logan loves to spend time with him. Riley is a "mans-man" not like my ex, and my son loves that. We have been living together for almost a year and although it has been tricky at times, we are a family unit. The only thing I have to work on is getting Riley to bring down his guard enough to let logan get closer to him. Riley finds it hard to get cuddly with Logan, probably bc logan is a boy and also bc its not his child. Doesnt want to step over any boundries?? I dont know. But Logan can be a cuddly kid sometimes and I have seen Logan try to get cuddly with Ri, and Ri tells him to get down. Not sure how to get this going, maybe he needs his own time.....I have spoken to him about it...so we will see how things progress.
    On a side note; Logan has been asking Riley for a really long time if he can call him "Dad". (Ok and some of you are going into shock right now saying" I would never let my child do that when he already has a dad" - Ive heard it all - but the circumstances are different. - Logan calls his step-mom - "mom" when he is at their house and refers to her as "aimee" at my house. So it would go both ways at either house. We figure if this is something he wants, then who are we to say no. He is 5....if this helps him through our divorce - then so be it). And Riley has been saying "not yet buddy" which really bothered logan - actually to tears sometimes...but they had a convo on the way home from daycare the other day and to my astonishment, Logan asked Riley again and Riley said that if that is what he wants - then he is free to Riley, Riley or Dad. What ever he wants and feels comfortable with! Yay!!!! Thank god, bc I didnt know what else to tell my son every night at bedtime when he would ask me that same question...."when will Riley be my dad....I have a mommy and daddy at my dad's house, I want a mommy and a daddy at your house".
    Its definietely not an easy situation to be in bc now you dont have 2 parents but 4 and not that the newly added parents dont have a say in child rearing, but it makes things sometimes 4x more difficult bc everyone has a say and opinion. Becomes especially hard when your ex and his fiance take one side and we are on the other.....good god! Luckily for all of us, we usually agree on most things and rarely have disagreements.
    I just hope that in all of this Logan turns out okj, bc now he has doubled his parents, grandparents, cousins, and family and now he has double the love. What a lucky little boy.
    As for kids....we are NOT having anymore. Riley is selfish as am I. After getting used to having logan (which I never really get used to, but I adapted) a week on and a week off, we now enjoy our alone time and dont want to loose that. We enjoy what we have and we love to have the one on one time with logan. I dont want to add another child to the mix and make things more confusing for him. But thats only my situation.
    We are really happy and love the time with Logan. We make the most of our time together each week and miss him when he goes, but I keep reminding myself of all the people that now love him too. He never asked for this, but in the end I think he may have come out on top.
    Thas my LONG story....sorry ladies....
    Thanks again for posting this thread.....ahhhh...feel so much better now.....:)
    Still haven't figured out how to use the multi quote function yet ladies so sorry everything is separate - every time I try to multi quote it never works!

    Ok so first of all, this is why I wanted to start a thread like this because not every family or circumstance is the same! I think what you have going on is great, and sounds like everything is working very well! You are a strong woman and I'm glad to hear that it's amicable relationships all around. I don't know if I could be the better or even the good person, but then again you never know what you're capable of until you're put in that situation.

    I think it's sooooo beautiful that Logan wants to take that step with Riley, and that it's his decision! I'm sure you're going to have lots of crossroads and intersections to navigate over the next lifetime together but you'll handle whatever is thrown at you as a family - even if it is one Big Blended family with 2 Mom's, 2 Dad's and a gaggle of Grandparents!!
    Like you said: All the more Love to go around! And Logan will grow up a well-rounded and loved individual because of it! :o)
    Our Wedding Day, April 29, 2010
    Grand Riviera Princess

    http://i783.photobuc....quotesmall.jpg
    My Grand Riviera/Sunset Princess Review:http://bestdestinati....7/#post1283438

    #12 CHAKLIT

    CHAKLIT
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      Posted 15 October 2009 - 09:25 PM

      My fiance and I have a 2 yr...and she's a real handful...good thing is...she's gonna be our flower girl in 2011!!! :)
      I've booked Heather Parker for my photographer for my April 2, 2011 wedding in Ochi Rios, Jamaica. If anyone is getting married in Jamaica days before or after me and is interested sharing her travel expenses to save few wedding budget bucks, let me know. Take a look at her work for Moon Dance...

      #13 SuzyQ76

      SuzyQ76
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        Posted 15 October 2009 - 09:47 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by lara&mike
        Great thread idea! I'm sure there has to be others out there like us :-)

        Well, I have been with my FI for almost 7 years..saying that sounds crazy. I was never one to want children or get married for that matter. I never had some huge dream since i was a little girl to have a huge wedding, and I was probably the last one anyone would expect to have children. I like kids and all, but as an only child I just didnt really know what to do with them ;-) I did figure that at sometime we would have children, but didn't think too much about it. Anyway, so my friend got pregnant and my FI (bf at time)and I were discussing when we might have babies. Marriage before wasn't super important to us. He said oh, maybe in a year or so we start trying (this was around Jan of 0. Well, what do you know, in March i find out i'm pregnant! I was pretty freaked out, and just like SuzyQ, my FI (bf at time) handled it much better than me. Babies mean growing up, and I just didnt know I was there yet...mind you i was 31...really, how much more ready do i need to be??! Next thing you know, I'm engaged and we're having a baby. So, fastforward through a pretty good pregnancy and last November I had a little baby girl (which i was *sure* was going to be a boy), and we named her MacKenzie (kenzie). It was a pretty crazy and stressful first few months getting adapted, but we got through it. Nobody tells you about the hard stuff, just how great it's all going to be....liars. JJ, we love her to death :-) We had 3 ultrasounds during the preg. and everything was "fine". However, when she came out she had a cleft lip which was pretty shocking since I wasn't expecting anything to be wrong, and she wasn't my "perfect" baby. Looking back, i know now that it is not a big deal and we could have been given a much harder scenario to deal with. She was perfectly healthy and that's really all you can ask for. At 5 months (march 09) she had her surgery to get it repaired and all that's left is a small scar from her lip to her nose. it's supposed to fade as she gets older, which i hope does happen for her. She is our gorgeous little bundle of energy that provides endless entertainment!

        Finally about 3 months ago we decided we should do something about this engagement thing and we decided on a DW and started the planning!
        She is almost 1 now and i go back to work in 3 weeks...so sad (yayy mat leave!). I dont know how i'm going to balance my new internet addiction and work ...haha. It's been great having so much time to preplan, but most of the work wont' be done until after rsvp's anyway I guess. This forum is great though, i'm so happy i found it!!
        Congrats to all you mommies!!
        Oh I have a feeling there are many more like us!! And our stories are similar, yet different of course...I was 31 as well! lol We had wanted to get Married but thought we couldn't have kids so we were letting whatever happened happen...and it happened!! I was in denial for a while, absolute shock, it had been 6 years of no protection and some other complications and it took me a long time to even bond with the baby I think once I started feeling significant movement then I could actually admit it was real and I had the pregnancy from Hell!! I had 11 Ultrasounds - he had an irregular heartbeat and PAC's (premature atrial contractions) so I was constantly in the hospital having non-stress tests and being monitored then I was put off work early which really sucked!!
        Your baby girl is Beautiful!!! I love that picture you have of the 3 of you with her in the foreground and you guys in the background!
        My FI cousin had a baby girl with a cleft lip as well, and you can't even tell she had the operation...she is 3 now. I always thought they could tell by the Ultrasound? Or at least if they suspect anything send you for a more detailed Ultrasound....
        We love the entertainment our little pumpkin gives us too!! He is such a character, 16 months now! Time goes so quickly! Are you guys going to have another? We want to try as soon as the wedding is done with! lol Well I say that now but all I have to do to scare myself is think back to the actual labour....and I question "OUR" choice for a second!!
        Boo on having to go back to work soon :o(
        We were fortunate enough that I didn't have to go back to work, not to say that it isn't hard because now every decision is based on one income...and planning a wedding on one income...and survival off one income can get crazy sometimes. Plus I truly miss adult conversation and alone time...I NEVER get alone time, unless I get a chance to go to Yoga which hasn't been happening lately!
        Wishing you all the luck with Maternity leave ending! I think you'll balance the new internet addiction fine, but daycare/dayhome? that might be a little rough at first, you'll have to get used to a completely different schedule again!! Unless you have great family near to you! I wish we did but all our family is 5000 kms away!
        Our Wedding Day, April 29, 2010
        Grand Riviera Princess

        http://i783.photobuc....quotesmall.jpg
        My Grand Riviera/Sunset Princess Review:http://bestdestinati....7/#post1283438

        #14 CHAKLIT

        CHAKLIT
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          Posted 15 October 2009 - 09:56 PM

          Ladies...any idea what causes a cleft lip??
          I've booked Heather Parker for my photographer for my April 2, 2011 wedding in Ochi Rios, Jamaica. If anyone is getting married in Jamaica days before or after me and is interested sharing her travel expenses to save few wedding budget bucks, let me know. Take a look at her work for Moon Dance...

          #15 SuzyQ76

          SuzyQ76
          • Jr. Member
          • 484 posts

            Posted 15 October 2009 - 10:03 PM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by CHAKLIT
            My fiance and I have a 2 yr...and she's a real handful...good thing is...she's gonna be our flower girl in 2011!!! :)
            Oh you are sooooo lucky that you're waiting till 2011!!! LOL
            Our guy is going to be our ring bearer at just under 2 years, we are just squeaking him in on the plane while he's still free!! lol
            So I think he could possible be a HUGE handful - and we'll be truly thankful that all the grandparents are going to be in Mexico with us so we'll have tons of babysitters!!
            On the cleft lip note, I don't really know what causes it...I'm assuming it's hereditary but then again I have no idea? I'm sure we'll find out soon though!
            Congrats and Welcome BTW!! Maybe you'll be able to help me out with the whole potty training issue!! LOL, not like we're anywhere near that yet - he's 16 months but I'm already terrified!!
            Our Wedding Day, April 29, 2010
            Grand Riviera Princess

            http://i783.photobuc....quotesmall.jpg
            My Grand Riviera/Sunset Princess Review:http://bestdestinati....7/#post1283438

            #16 lara&mike

            lara&mike
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              Posted 15 October 2009 - 10:59 PM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by CHAKLIT
              Ladies...any idea what causes a cleft lip??
              I don't know what caused our daughter's, and there is no known exact cause. It is generally thought to be hereditary, or due to environmental reasons. Neither of us have it in our family. I met my father late in life (single mom) and he had 2 other children after me who had club foot (where babies feet turn inwards and require surgery for correction). I had hip dysplasia which means i had a cast for the first 3 months of my life. So, i figure he's defective..haha. Seriously though, i was so careful with everything and am pretty healthy. Ate organic, worked out, drank water, don't smoke, etc etc. It was pretty shocking. The facial development occurs in the first 6-10 wks of gestation. It happens when the 2 ridges above your lip are forming and something occurs that prevents this from fully forming correctly to the nose.

              Re: ultrasounds. It should have picked it up but they are so quick around the head that unless there is cause they generally focus on the organ and limb development. next baby i will go to another hospital for full craniofacial exam of the fetus to know what to expect. You really can do only what you can do make yourself healthy. I didn't know i was preggers until about 7 wks and had some drinks, but seriously meth addicts have healthy babies....how can a few drinks cause this? you really never know.

              #17 meldal101010

              meldal101010
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                Posted 15 October 2009 - 11:18 PM

                Cheers your way too!!!

                Theres a few of us on this forum...
                You should check out the thread on the BDW get togethers, a few of us are planning a meet sometime soon! you should join us :)

                #18 SuzyQ76

                SuzyQ76
                • Jr. Member
                • 484 posts

                  Posted 15 October 2009 - 11:24 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by meldal101010
                  Cheers your way too!!!

                  Theres a few of us on this forum...
                  You should check out the thread on the BDW get togethers, a few of us are planning a meet sometime soon! you should join us :)
                  Ooooooooo, I will be there with bells on and Drink in hand!!
                  As long as future Hubby is home to babysit!! lol I was checking out the get togethers but didn't realize there was going to be one in Calgary...thought only in Red Deer or somewhere I've never been! lol
                  :o)
                  Our Wedding Day, April 29, 2010
                  Grand Riviera Princess

                  http://i783.photobuc....quotesmall.jpg
                  My Grand Riviera/Sunset Princess Review:http://bestdestinati....7/#post1283438

                  #19 meldal101010

                  meldal101010
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                    Posted 15 October 2009 - 11:38 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by SuzyQ76
                    Ooooooooo, I will be there with bells on and Drink in hand!!
                    As long as future Hubby is home to babysit!! lol I was checking out the get togethers but didn't realize there was going to be one in Calgary...thought only in Red Deer or somewhere I've never been! lol
                    :o)
                    Yeah, I think they are planning on Red Deer, but there are enough of us from calgs that we could do the same...It'd definitley be easier for me

                    #20 Jennybell1

                    Jennybell1
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                      Posted 16 October 2009 - 12:22 PM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by SuzyQ76
                      OMG!!! Jennybell!!!
                      I have so much to say! Logan is a very special LOVED little boy 4 times over , and it brought a tears to my eyes about the whole "will you be my Daddy" to Riley. FI and I have had many conversations about "What if's" ugh, so much to say - but my little guy just woke up so I will be back after supper!! lol
                      BTW love the name Logan, not to mention I'm a HUGE geek and love Wolverine...and for those of you who do not know what I'm talking about you'll have to google it!
                      Gotta go make supper and grab my baby!!
                      Chat to you in a bit!! :o)

                      Too funny about Wolverine.....thats how I got my ex to agree to the name....Thanks for saying the above, made me feel better about it for sure.
                      Its def been interesting couple of years.
                      How have things been for you? Did you always know you two would get married?




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