Would this bother you? (warning, long story)

[leogurl 0]

Thank you for all of your opinions. I'm not offended at all. I need to hear from some outsider people, because it's hard to get an objective opinion when I talk to my friends and FH. And if I'm acting like a spoiled brat, I can take hearing it. I'm an only child, so when it comes to my mom, I often revert back to being a spoiled brat. I'm not upset at all that my mom is dating. I think it's great that she dates. I guess I'm upset because she just got divorced in December from a great guy and is already jumping into a new relationship. She'd already met new guy's family before I even knew he existed, I didn't even know she had been contemplating dating yet. I have single friends who already plan to come alone to the wedding, not because they don't want to bring a date, but they know that inviting someone to come at this early of a point in a relationship is not a good idea in case it does not work out. I wish my mom thought like that, and in my mind, my mom has always been wise, so it's really disappointing to me. I don't know if this makes any sense, but it's kind of like I had a different image of my mom that I was really proud of, and now I'm realizing that's not who she is. I know I would feel much differently if she'd have told me from the beginning she was dating someone, and then after maybe 6 months of dating him she mentioned wanting to possibly take him to the wedding, I'd have a much different reaction. Because in my mind, dating someone exclusively for 6 months sounds reasonable enough to be thinking about taking them to a destination wedding for your daughter. But to me, only two months, and not saying a word to me about the guy, well, it just doesn't sit right with me. I'll get over it, and I'll give her my blessing to bring him. I do know it will all turn out fine. I just needed to vent and get my head on straight. Thanks everyone!

[BachataBride 0]

Suzanne...I know you are upset that she waited to tell you. But think about it this way; she may have wanted to wait to make sure she really felt something for him before introducing him to her beloved daughter! She rushed into the relationship with the last guy even though the feelings weren't there, and she knows that it hurt you. Maybe she wanted to make sure of her feelings for this new guy.

I do think that you should meet him before your wedding though. If she's making the effort to have you meet him in Alabama then I say go for it. You should meet the new man in your mom's life as soon as possible!

[stefnicole 0]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BachataBride Suzanne...I know you are upset that she waited to tell you. But think about it this way; she may have wanted to wait to make sure she really felt something for him before introducing him to her beloved daughter! She rushed into the relationship with the last guy even though the feelings weren't there, and she knows that it hurt you. Maybe she wanted to make sure of her feelings for this new guy. I do think that you should meet him before your wedding though. If she's making the effort to have you meet him in Alabama then I say go for it. You should meet the new man in your mom's life as soon as possible!

I agree. Meet him first before you decide anything.

[leogurl 0]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BachataBride Suzanne...I know you are upset that she waited to tell you. But think about it this way; she may have wanted to wait to make sure she really felt something for him before introducing him to her beloved daughter! She rushed into the relationship with the last guy even though the feelings weren't there, and she knows that it hurt you. Maybe she wanted to make sure of her feelings for this new guy. I do think that you should meet him before your wedding though. If she's making the effort to have you meet him in Alabama then I say go for it. You should meet the new man in your mom's life as soon as possible!

Well, this isn't quite true, but it's a nice thought. Initially, she insisted over and over again that the reason she didn't tell me about "new guy" was exactly that: she wanted to be sure that she was serious about someone before saying anything about him. But, if she met this guy one year from now, she'd have no problem telling me all about him from the get-go. The real reason she didn't tell me is because she felt embarassed to be dating someone so soon after her divorce. I did bring this up to her, and she did admit that this was true. And I ensured her that I'm not bothered by her dating people. I told her I didn't like to be the last one to know, and that bothers me. I also told her that I don't like to hear she thinks it's a great idea to ask a guy to my wedding after only knowing him for two months. She gets it, and we had a good talk. I told her how I feel, and I told her that I shouldn't act like a spoiled brat and that she can invite whoever she wants to the wedding. I do trust her judgment of character in people, so I know "new guy" is likely a nice guy. Everything is fine now. Well, I still don't feel I'm 100% accepting, but I will put my weirded out feelings aside and put on a happy face. And maybe by the time the wedding does happen my weirded out feelings will be gone. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll have the opportunity to meet him before the wedding. I'd love to go to my cousin's wedding to meet "new guy" there, but even if my mom pays for the tickets, my FI and I just don't have the money for hotel, car rental, food, and entertainment. It will be hard for me to get time off at that time too seeing as how I am taking time off for an annual camping trip the weekend prior. I'm sure everything will work out how it's supposed to though. Thanks everyone again for your opinions!

[BachataBride 0]

I'm glad you guys talked it out!! That's great! But it's too bad that you won't meet him before the wedding...maybe mom & new guy could come visit you!?

[marryinghimagain 0]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BillysBride Oh, and at the end of the day, you've got another 8 months before any of this even comes to pass. You could be working yourself up over nothing. He MAY be gone in two weeks, but...maybe he won't. He may turn out to be Prince freakin Charming for all you know. OR, he may be history long before. Don't borrow trouble. Wait the year out and see what it brings. AND, the biggest thing....you refusing to allow this man at your wedding will not keep her from dating him. Think about that. As my grandmother would say, you'll be "showing your ass" for no good reason in the end. All the upheaval, and she'll still be dating the guy or worse yet, she'll cave and give him up so as not to upset her kids. How would you feel then? Chances are, that would be worse in the long run. Yea, it's my wedding and I'd like it to be 100% the way I want as the bride. But sometimes, I think we take this bride shit a little too seriously. There is NOTHING to me worth hurting my mother deeply. Irritating her? Sure. Pissin' her off a bit? She'll get over it. But truly hurt her feelings? No. Not even my precious nuptials. I wouldn't recommend your telling her this guy won't be welcome. That just sounds a little juvenile to me, like threatening to throw a tantrum or something. Just my opinion.

Yea, what she said....lol.
Seriously, I totally agree. Just be happy for your mom. Be thankful you have your mom. (I lost mine and would LOVE to have her here under any conditions.) Just as you chose your own guy, she also has that right. Sometimes we just can't help who we do and don't love, KWIM? Get to know this new guy a bit. Give him a chance. If he makes your mom happy then I'm sure that will make you happy.
Like everyone else has said, I would just chill on it a bit. Who knows if this will even be when your wedding time comes around?
Good luck with it all. And btw, it is wonderful to hear that your mom is now well.