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to invite all, or to not invite all


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#1 tvt

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    Posted 10 April 2007 - 02:19 PM

    Hi ladies. I need some help.

    We are having trouble deciding if it's better to invite everyone or just those close to us that we really want there. What is everyone doing?

    Joe and I would rather have it be a small wedding. Just close friends and family. We both have pretty large extended families who we rarely see. So, do we send invites to all of our extended families?? Or just those we are close to?

    Also, another aspect to this is that I have a feeling that a lot of my extended family would come (as most are pretty well off and like to travel, not necessarily because they would be devestated if they missed my wedding). It would be great for them to come, don't get me wrong, but Joe thinks many of his extended family will not come. I don't want it to seem like the entire wedding is a family reunion for my family and I don't want Joe's parents/family to feel outnumbered and left out.

    Am I crazy to worry about this? It's stressing me out! Also, if you don't invite everyone how do you tell those not invited that they didn't make it into the "close" category. Ugh, I need help

    #2 CourtneyV

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      Posted 10 April 2007 - 02:23 PM

      Well, by the sounds of it you don't really want your extended family there. There are a few members of my family that I rarely speak to, but that I know will be pissed off when they find out they didn't get an invite. The way I think of it is: when I'm standing up there, and I take a look at all of my family - who do I want to be there smiling back at me? If I don't really care if Uncle Joe isn't there, then he's not on my guest list. You'll enjoy a small guest list - it's so personal. In fact, I'm jealous of TammyM and her three guests!!!
      Happily Married since May 9, 2008
      Proud Mama to Evelyn Eileen since June 8, 2010

      #3 A10CalGal

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        Posted 10 April 2007 - 02:33 PM

        Courtney has offered great advice.

        We chose a DW because we wanted an intimate event. As such, we only invited people that are really important to us. We strictly outlawed the "courtesy invite." In the end we had a small, yet most excellent group of people attend our wedding.

        You should think about what you want your wedding to feel like/look like. Who MUST be there? Invite those people! If you want a larger wedding, invite everybody. But, definitely come to an agreement with your FI before you start sending out STD's...

        #4 MikkiStreak

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          Posted 10 April 2007 - 02:33 PM

          I have found that I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. If I invite my extended family, it opens the door to nasty comments about doing a DW. But if I don't invite my extended family, I get the nasty comments about being excluded.

          We decided to send "Save the Date" cards and invites to just aunt/uncle's and skipped the cousins because their parents can 'represent' the family. So about 40 people invited were extended family on both sides. Then we started getting the comments from them. Since then, we have postponed the wedding for one more year. When we send out our STD/invites this next time, it will be to remove a significant portion of our extended family and to include more friends.

          But, ask anyone on here who has known me for awhile---- There are a lot of people in my family who fall under the 'Koo-koo for cocoa puffs' category....

          #5 LCBride2007

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            Posted 10 April 2007 - 02:37 PM

            I have a bit of an extended family as well - I have 1 biological sister, and I definitely want her there. But then I have 3 half siblings, and 4 step siblings. And all of them have children. I wasn't raised with any of them, so it's a different relationship. I love them all - we're just not super close. I did end up inviting all of them, and honestly, it was mainly because I knew most of them, if not all, wouldn't come. If I had thought they'd all come, I am not sure I would have invited them. But at the same time, I keep reminding myself that it's really not that much extra $$ for me when more people come, the financial burden is mostly on them.

            I think most people probably know that they're not super close to you, I can't imagine it would be too much of a surprise. There are many relatives that I wouldn't expect to be invited if they had a DW.

            I wouldn't worry about the concern of having more guests then your FI - that's just the nature of families and DWs! I think Paul will have 2x the people there that I will - mainly because his family is bigger, and he has a larger circle of close friends, and none of them have kids, so travel is easier. This is also Paul's first wedding!

            Anyway, I really don't think that helped, I was just sharing my situation I guess.

            #6 tvt

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              Posted 10 April 2007 - 02:44 PM

              Kooko for coco puffs. I like that analogy!! I'm the same way - damned if I do, damned if I don't. I'm very close to a few select aunts/uncles and not close at all with the rest. But I know if I invite some and not all people are going to be upset.

              I am leaning towards "the more the merrier" and inviting them all. My main concern is what happens if only Joe's immediate family shows up and they make up 4 of 30-40 guests. I know people say that DW guests get to know each other fast, but his parents are VERY quite and pretty much the opposite temperment of the rest of my family. I'm mostly worried about them and feeling left out....

              #7 A10CalGal

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                Posted 10 April 2007 - 02:47 PM

                Tara - I will repeat here what I said in another post. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THESE PEOPLE SO MUCH! THEY ARE ADULTS. THEY CAN TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES!! Don't put so much pressure on yourself.

                #8 CourtneyV

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                  Posted 10 April 2007 - 02:48 PM

                  DON'T WORRY ABOUT THESE PEOPLE SO MUCH! THEY ARE ADULTS. THEY CAN TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES!! Don't put so much pressure on yourself.


                  I'm just copying and pasting that since it can't be said enough!!!
                  Happily Married since May 9, 2008
                  Proud Mama to Evelyn Eileen since June 8, 2010

                  #9 laura b

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                    Posted 10 April 2007 - 02:51 PM

                    We had the same sort of dilemma...we wanted to keep the wedding under 20 guests (although that didn't work out that well in the end) so we could still get married in the chapel at Dreams.
                    So we decided to only invite very close relatives and friends, and have an AHR for those who weren't invited to the wedding. We're going to show a slideshow and have it catered and it'll actually be much fancier than the actual wedding.
                    So there's that.

                    #10 tvt

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                      Posted 10 April 2007 - 03:04 PM

                      I love this forum! You all are the most helpful bunch out there :)

                      You're right, they are adults and they can take care of themselves!

                      I'm less stressed, thanks




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