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Picking A Date Has Got To Be The Most Stressful Thing....

diadiamond

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After getting engaged all I wanted to do was dive into wedding planning and explore all of the possibilities. After crunching some numbers and doing some soul searching we decided that a Cuban Destination wedding was for us. We are dead set on it!

 

The next thing was to pick a date. Now, I don't know about you, but I really hate the "When's the big day" question. People have been asking since the day I got engaged. I know it probably comes from a good place, but it does grate on you after a while, especially when people continue to badger you about it. Being extremely organized and on top of everything I decided to dive into finding a suitable date. My fiancee and I knew that our engagement would be longer than a traditional engagement. From my understanding most traditional engagements are about a year. Being students who are trying to set the foundation of getting a career and moving in together we knew that was not realistic for us. However, on the other end of the spectrum, we don't want to wait too long before we get married. I know a couple that's been engaged for 10 years (yikes!), but it's whatever they want and feel comfortable with.

 

My fiancee is really hesitant about setting a date because all of the unknowns, and I understand that. However, with a destination wedding we NEED to come up with a date to let everyone know what's going on. Most of our friends and family have to save money and request vacation time off. Personally, the first thing I wanted to do was to set a date.

 

I originally picked May, 2015 since it seemed not so away, but not so close either. Shortly after the new year my fiancee and I got into a small disagreement with the wedding. This led to me compromising that we move our wedding about 6 months. We compromised on the first week of October, October 4 is our anniversary and it was important for us to be married on or around that date. After doing some research I discovered that our ideal date is really close to Thanksgiving (we're Canadian, so thanksgiving is usually the second weekend in October) and I didn't want to make anyone sacrifice their holiday weekend. Furthermore, it is in the middle of hurricane season meaning lots of rain and humidity (What bride wants that?). The only plus seemed to be that trips to Cuba are really cheap around then.

 

After thinking it over and doing some more thinking and discussing we agreed that we want to be married on November 24, 2015 at the Melia Cayo Santa Maria. November 24 was the day he proposed to me so our wedding will still be special. November is a "shoulder month" meaning that it's in between seasons. After doing some weather research we determined that the weather would probably be better in late November than early October.

 

I've spent the last few weeks clearing that date with our family and friends. It seems to be okay for most people; however, it is exam time for those who are in University. This is a downer since two members in our wedding party may still be in school.

 

It feels like whatever I do or choose someone out there isn't happy or there is some problem with it. It becomes discouraging after a while and grates on you. I just don't want to make my wedding about other people or what they want. We really want our wedding to be about the love we share for each other.

 

I'm also a little frustrated at my fiancee's lack of commitment when it comes to setting a date. I know that there are things that arise that we can't plan for, but I feel like that doesn't mean that we can't do any planning. I want to send my save the dates out a little more than a year in advance to give everyone the time they need to save and book the time off.

 

Is anyone else in a similar position or can relate to what I'm going through? How did you guys decide on a date?

 

Happy Planning,

 

- Dia

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Hey Dia! I always love reading your blogs! You definitely need to not worry about anyone else but yourself and your groom! I'd clear the date with your family who must be there, but other then that you are not going to please everyone, its impossible. I'd say pick a time that works for you, your fiancé (obviously) and your parents and from there whoever else can make it, can make it. Even your bridal party I'd hold off on asking or determining until closer to the time. Things may come up and some of your bridal party members may or may not be able to make it. It seems to be a common trend with destination weddings. I chose only my sister and sister in law to be to avoid these issues as I knew they would be there no matter what. I have some close friends who I thought would be at my wedding and aren't going to make it.

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I can relate on the choosing the date! We were originally going to do it April 2015, then got pushed back to january/february 2015, then December 2014 and now it is officially moved to November 11th, 2014. Talk about stressful. Trying to pick a date went on for a week, trying to make sure the nearest and dearest could make it and we still have some people complaining but I've learnt there are always going to be a bunch in the pack no matter what date you choose. I just made sure immediate family could make it and those I wanted to be my bridesmaids and even then, one may not be able to make it.

 

You still have some time to see who will make it, you have over a year and half. Like csho said above, I would hold off asking maybe until a year before. You are giving people MORE than enough notice, so I can't see why people would complain!

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Thanks ladies!  I'm a planner by nature and wanted to think of a tentative wedding date when I got engaged.  I'm a goal setter so nailing down a deadline is important to me because it gives me something to work towards.  Thanks for the advice!  As much as we want everyone there you ladies and some of the forum posts have helped me realize that sometimes that isn't an option.  I think I'll be okay as long as my immediate family and his immediate family are there.  Doesn't mean that I won't miss other people, but I'm willing to get married as long as those people are there.  The reason that I wanted to choose a date so far in advance is that most of our family members have to submit their vacation time by January so I wanted to think about a time that was:  Convenient for everyone or most people, that was not near any major holidays, and a time where Cuba typically has good weather (not too hot, rainy, or humid).  I'm glad people can relate.  I was beginning to feel crazy.  

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Dia you are definitely not crazy! As much as we brides love the idea of destination weddings, other people just do not love them as much! I definitely went into this thinking as long as my parents and my fiancés parents and our sisters can be there then we will be happy. Anyone else is just icing on the cake! Honestly you are going to be soo consumed with your wedding day and all the people THAT did make it to celebrate with you that you won't even notice the people who aren't there (or so this is what people have said but I can only imagine to be true). That's not to say they aren't important but I think you'll just be overwhelmed with love and support from those that are there :)

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Thanks hun!  My problem is that I'm such a perfectionist by nature that sometimes it's hard for me when things don't go as planned.  My fiancee has definitely gotten me to loosen up a lot and he also told me that as long as our parents and siblings are there that's all we pretty much need.  We decided on having an at home reception so I think i'm more comfortable with the fact that everyone might not be able to make it.

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Oh that's a great idea! haha I am in the same position as you! I can be a bit high strung and not quite as flexible as my fiancé... he is ridiculously laid back. Its one of the things I love most about him, but also annoys me the most at times too! I have definitely loosened up a bit because of him though as well!

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There are some great points here, and everything is true! Picking your date is stressful, and it's upsetting when people try and tell you what to do and complain about the dates you want. We went through the same thing, my MIL sent us her vacation calendar and all the trips she was taking for the next 18 months, the very first week we got engaged! We had to plan our wedding around her vacations!! That was a hard pill to swallow. Of course we wanted her there, how could she not be? But telling us we had to work around HER????? I was so mad. It still kinda stings, to be honest. I really wanted to get married on a few dates, Valentine's Day being one of them, I fell in love with the idea of getting married on Valentine's Day, but b/c of her we couldn't. Anyway....it all worked out in the end. But yes, it sucks and it's hurtful when people try and take over.

 

The ladies are right, your day will be amazing and beautiful and you'll be so overwhelmed with love and support from the people who are attending, the others who can't join you will be in your heart, and everything will be lovely :) My very best friend in the whole wide world and my MOH couldn't attend my wedding b/c she had a baby, and it was devastating but of course I understood, he was too young to take to Cuba and much too young for her to leave him with Daddy and come by herself. (it's a good thing he's cute!)  It just happened that she and I had two major life events happening at the same time, and she couldn't be there on my special day. But I made the best of it, we had a little cardboard cut out of her face and we took pictures with her, we took video for her, and she sent me an amazing gift for my "something borrowed" so she certainly wasn't forgotten about.

 

It's hard when you want everyone to be there, but sometimes it just doesn't work out. It will be your special day no matter what, and you'll be so focused on getting married, you'll be so in love and giddy, in that moment, nothing matters but the two of you :)

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