Unsupportive family

[NikkiT1021]

I've been very upset lately with my family, especially my mom.  My fiance and I were recently engaged and I feel like I have no support from my mom or her side of the family.  When I told her we were going to Mexico all she could say was "I don't know how you are going to get me on a plane!"  However, 2 years ago she flew to Miami for a cruise and a year before that to Jamaica! 

I feel like she is being so selfish because we aren't doing what she wants us to do!  We are paying for our wedding ourselves with NO help from anyone!  I don't think it's that hard to ask of her to fly to Mexico for a few days to go on vacation and see her only daughter get married!!

Also, none of my aunts and uncles from my mother's side of the family called to say congrats.  My fiances whole family called and we got an engagement card from my friend's parents who I've only met once!

Its so frustrating and I feel like its ruining our whole newly engaged experience.   

Thanks for letting me vent!

[clgriffi7]

I am truly sorry you aren't getting the support you want and need from your mother.  My guess is that she has had a vision of your wedding in her head for years and years and a destination wedding just doesn't fit that vision (who of our parents' generation could have imagined the popularity of DWs?).  It truly isn't fair because it is your wedding, not hers - so what she had envisioned doesn't really matter.  I am hoping that she will come around, as she realizes that it is about what will make you happy, not her.  Maybe you can stress the way the DW will remain traditional with the perks of a great location. 

 

In my case, I would tell my mother that I would still have the big dress, the photographer, the ceremony processional, the vows, the cake, the reception dinner, the special dances and such.  Then I would show her how beautiful the wedding photos are when you get married in such gorgeous locations - and I would just hope that the excitement and happiness on my face would be enough to bring her over to my side.  Then I would talk about the At Home Recpetion/Party (AHR) as a potentially traditional way to celebrate with those people that can't make it to the DW.

 

I wish you the best of luck!

[JanineA]

I think clgriffi said it best....who from our parent's age could have thought DW's would have grown in popularity. She has envisioned this day for you for so long according to her vision, her dream that it is now hard for her to imagine it being any other way. I'm sorry that the rest of her side of the family as well isn't making your engagement time one of joy and celebration. Either way this should be the happiest time of YOUR life. Don't let anyone steal your joy. If you've already called to inform them that you are engaged and they don't feel the need to extend a congrats then don't get bitter just move on. I know...easier said than done. In the end plan the wedding of YOUR and FI's dreams and hopefully they will come around with time, especially your mom (I really do think she is just reacting out of shock right now) and if they still don't come around you can always show them the beautiful pics after, they'll wish they had gone. Perhaps an AHR would be a good compromise as well. 

[NikkiT1021]

Thanks girls!  You definately gave me some reassurance.  I'm hoping that as the wedding gets closer she will get over it and get excited. If not, I just have to brush it off, move on and understand that at least I am coming into a family that will give my FI and I support.