add-on guest wording etiquette

ejaxon · October 14, 2008

Hi ladies,

Hoping someone can offer advice on this possibly unusual situation. FI and I were originally planning a small DW for immediate family only. We are throwing a larger AHR several weeks later. We were only planning to send invites for the AHR since there were less than 10 people invited to our DW. Long story short, after much deliberation, we decided to open our guest list to a handful of very close friends (prob less than 10). The reason we are changing our original plan is that my FI finally spoke up and explained to me how important it was to him that some of his friends were invited. He's not a fan of a lot of attn and I probably assumed early on that this meant he wanted a small guest list. Not being a great communicator, this finally was expressed several months later. Better late than never, I guess. The wedding is in April 09.

Now that you have the background, here's my dilemma. First, everyone "knew" we were only having immediate family. Therefore, I don't want anyone to feel like they were "B" list invitees. FI went ahead and called his buddies and took care of it. On my end, I'd like to do something a little more "official" than a phone call, maybe an invite of some type. I thought about scheduling a dinner or a get-together to explain but that could take forever as our schedules never seem to gel easily. Knowing that this is only around 6 months notice and financially may not be possible for some of my friends, i also want to express that there is no pressure. How would you suggest wording something like that....you're not on the b list, we just changed our minds, and I'd love to have you there if you can make it but understand if you can't. I tried searching the boards but couldn't find anything like that. What would you suggest? Or should I just keep it simple and call? I'd love to hear any and all thoughts.

Thanks in advance.

Erika

amandalovesryan · October 14, 2008

i sorta feel like maybe you should call. if you send invites, people might assume that they are on the B-list. if i were to call my friends and tell them the situation, they totally would be understanding and not even think about it. you know, now that i think about it, they probably would not care that got invites. they would just be happy to be invited. maybe this will be a great surprise and they will be super excited. you could make invites quickly on shutterfly by sending them a pic and just typing the info in, comes in in less than a week. i had our date written in the sand. people loved them.

Christy335 · October 14, 2008

I agree. Call. But also send some sort of invitation with all of the details. I'm sure that they will be happy to have made your short list!

Maura · October 14, 2008

i agree you should call. if you wanna do a little invite, send that later. but the first thing you need to do is get them info right away. april is not far off so the sooner you tell people, the more likely it is that they will be able to come.

YoursTruly · October 20, 2008

I would just let them know via a call that you and your FI spoke and changed the venue to open up to more guests. You wouldlove for them to come, however, you would understand given the financial constraints if they can't make it, however you and hubby-to-be would be honored if they could make it. Don't worry about it--i am still inviting add-ons!