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We need a sub-forum just for family problems... (Warning: LONG!)


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#31 Kelly C

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    Posted 27 September 2008 - 04:25 PM

    I would give yourself a break. Maybe call a girlfriend do a little thryputic shopping maybe have a glass of wine. And call them later tonight or tomorrow when you feel better.
    We are all here for you!
    Kerrington Danielle was born 6/23/09 12:31 pm 7lbs 14oz.

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    #32 Tropical Imaging

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      Posted 27 September 2008 - 04:33 PM

      Then don't call yet, you're hurt right now, which is what they want...you need to get a little angry really. Take a deep breath. Find something you love to do, and walk away from this for a little while. I find working out hard helps to get those knots out of my stomach when I am stressed.

      Once you have taken a little time for yourself, decide: what is the worst case scenario that you will allow to happen (the actual worst case scenario is that things stay as they are, which you cannot allow) so the worst thing that you will allow to happen is that all contact will be severed and they don't ever come around. So digest that in your brain and realize that anything else will be better.

      Practice in the mirror , with a friend, or your FI the conversation you will have with your parents, even better, have FI be you and you be your M&D saying the things you fear they might say and see how he handles it, come at him with all of the things you think they might say and watch how he deals with it, it could give you some great ideas. Practice, practice practice and then when you can be calm, call. It may be a while, but they will realize as well that you are serious.

      Stress like this can break down your immune system and really do damage. Staying in the same situation is not an option. You need to take care of yourself, just as you would advise a friend to do in the same situation. Don't call until you have practiced and have control.

      Give yourself a big hug!!!! And don't feel guilty stepping away from all of this by yourself or with FI and doing something you enjoy.

      Krys

      #33 FutureMrsLewis

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        Posted 27 September 2008 - 05:23 PM

        Well I just sent another e-mail. It needs to be cleared up tonight or else I have my sister knocking my door down tomorrow morning, and that is NOT what I need right now. I explained that I can't call because I don't want to get irrational and say something I really don't mean, but I just need them to realize what their constant jabs at FI are doing to me, and how important it is that something change. I really don't want to have to live without my parents, but if I have to, then I will. I have supportive family on FI's side, I can do without them, I just don't want to if I don't have to. From now until FI gets home in about 5 hours, I'm just going to watch some movies and relax with my two cats. I'm about to have an anxiety attack, and I don't want that to happen while I'm home by myself, so it's off to watch a couple of comedies with a nice big bowl of popcorn :) No wine unfortunately, there's no liquor store nearby, but lots of popcorn should suffice. I'm taking a mental health day :) Thanks ladies for all of your support, I'll keep you posted

        #34 Hartyt509

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          Posted 27 September 2008 - 06:19 PM

          God chick i'm sorry but they need a good kicking!! If its any help its not just your family FI's are the same. His mother bitches she's not heard from him or seen him (we live 3 hours away and he's in the army ffs!) next thing his sister rings gobbing off and being nasty - for once FI just let her rant and when she'd finished he said ok and hung up lol It nearly killed him but he realised he really needed to sit and think about what he wanted. He now doesn't speak to his sister unless he has to and has nothing to do with her. FMIL tried to intervene and he told her straight she had started it by bitching so she could poke off or she'd be cut off 2!!

          The moral of that is that its hard but if you are starting to suffer cut them off, life will be better. If your sister turns up don't answer the door and if you do make sure you have something heavy in your hands to smack her in the gob with!!

          You'll be good we're all here to help and I seriously would fly over for a bit of a rumble lol

          #35 FutureMrsLewis

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            Posted 27 September 2008 - 06:54 PM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Hartyt509
            God chick i'm sorry but they need a good kicking!! If its any help its not just your family FI's are the same. His mother bitches she's not heard from him or seen him (we live 3 hours away and he's in the army ffs!) next thing his sister rings gobbing off and being nasty - for once FI just let her rant and when she'd finished he said ok and hung up lol It nearly killed him but he realised he really needed to sit and think about what he wanted. He now doesn't speak to his sister unless he has to and has nothing to do with her. FMIL tried to intervene and he told her straight she had started it by bitching so she could poke off or she'd be cut off 2!!

            The moral of that is that its hard but if you are starting to suffer cut them off, life will be better. If your sister turns up don't answer the door and if you do make sure you have something heavy in your hands to smack her in the gob with!!

            You'll be good we're all here to help and I seriously would fly over for a bit of a rumble lol
            Well I'm ready for a bit of a rumble tomorrow. If Tanya shows up, I'm telling her to buzz off or I'm calling the RNC (police) and if she doesn't, then I'm actually going to call, no joke. The neighbourhood we live in has "neighbourhood watch", and it's just really close knit and everyone kinda looks out for everyone else, so I don't want some crazy bi*ch on my doorstep trying to beat the door down, everyone will think I'm a troublemaker. And I'm ready to cut them out. I'm giving them a couple of days to realize that they're the ones in the wrong, not me, and if they're still giving me guilt trips and telling me I'm a bad person, then they're gone. My sanity can't take it anymore. FMIL just called and I had a complete breakdown on the phone with her. She's seen everything unfold from day one almost three years ago and has been telling me for the past two years that I need to distance myself from them because they're too controlling. She's just absolutely furious and is ready to call them herself, but doesn't want to see the backlash I would get because of it.

            I'm mostly frustrated because over a week ago when I sent Tanya a message telling her that I'm not talking to Mom and Dad right now, but to let them know I was still alive, just hurt by them, she said "It's not really my business, so I'm not getting in the middle of it." So now that my Mom calls her upset, it's suddenly her business? If I ever put my kids through this, hell, if I ever put my CATS through this, please shoot me! lol

            I'm going to say it again, you're all angels. I'd have jumped off Signal Hill long ago if it wasn't for everyone here :)

            #36 Tara

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              Posted 27 September 2008 - 11:43 PM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by FutureMrsLewis
              Well I'm ready for a bit of a rumble tomorrow. If Tanya shows up, I'm telling her to buzz off or I'm calling the RNC (police) and if she doesn't, then I'm actually going to call, no joke. The neighbourhood we live in has "neighbourhood watch", and it's just really close knit and everyone kinda looks out for everyone else, so I don't want some crazy bi*ch on my doorstep trying to beat the door down, everyone will think I'm a troublemaker. And I'm ready to cut them out. I'm giving them a couple of days to realize that they're the ones in the wrong, not me, and if they're still giving me guilt trips and telling me I'm a bad person, then they're gone. My sanity can't take it anymore. FMIL just called and I had a complete breakdown on the phone with her. She's seen everything unfold from day one almost three years ago and has been telling me for the past two years that I need to distance myself from them because they're too controlling. She's just absolutely furious and is ready to call them herself, but doesn't want to see the backlash I would get because of it.

              I'm mostly frustrated because over a week ago when I sent Tanya a message telling her that I'm not talking to Mom and Dad right now, but to let them know I was still alive, just hurt by them, she said "It's not really my business, so I'm not getting in the middle of it." So now that my Mom calls her upset, it's suddenly her business? If I ever put my kids through this, hell, if I ever put my CATS through this, please shoot me! lol

              I'm going to say it again, you're all angels. I'd have jumped off Signal Hill long ago if it wasn't for everyone here :)
              This whole situation is just awful. I'm so sorry you have to go through it. Like you said, your sister wouldn't support you with a simple request to tell your parents you're okay but she'll jump on the bandwagon for them. It sounds as though your parents have manipulated you all very well.

              It's best that you do what you need to for your own sanity. Honestly, reading through your updates the more you post the more confident you seem in your decision. I know that we only all know one another through this site, but I want you to know that I'm proud of you. You are doing what a lot of people cannot... standing up for yourself. So if your parents haven't said it often enough or at all I'm saying it for them... I AM PROUD OF YOU. :)

              #37 Hartyt509

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                Posted 28 September 2008 - 06:11 AM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by FutureMrsLewis
                Well I'm ready for a bit of a rumble tomorrow. If Tanya shows up, I'm telling her to buzz off or I'm calling the RNC (police) and if she doesn't, then I'm actually going to call, no joke. The neighbourhood we live in has "neighbourhood watch", and it's just really close knit and everyone kinda looks out for everyone else, so I don't want some crazy bi*ch on my doorstep trying to beat the door down, everyone will think I'm a troublemaker. And I'm ready to cut them out. I'm giving them a couple of days to realize that they're the ones in the wrong, not me, and if they're still giving me guilt trips and telling me I'm a bad person, then they're gone. My sanity can't take it anymore. FMIL just called and I had a complete breakdown on the phone with her. She's seen everything unfold from day one almost three years ago and has been telling me for the past two years that I need to distance myself from them because they're too controlling. She's just absolutely furious and is ready to call them herself, but doesn't want to see the backlash I would get because of it.

                I'm mostly frustrated because over a week ago when I sent Tanya a message telling her that I'm not talking to Mom and Dad right now, but to let them know I was still alive, just hurt by them, she said "It's not really my business, so I'm not getting in the middle of it." So now that my Mom calls her upset, it's suddenly her business? If I ever put my kids through this, hell, if I ever put my CATS through this, please shoot me! lol

                I'm going to say it again, you're all angels. I'd have jumped off Signal Hill long ago if it wasn't for everyone here :)
                Good for you i'm sooo proud

                If there is anything you learn from this is that you are a really strong person and have reached a point where you are not going to take shite off anyone ever again. Thats not a bad thing its a good thing. Weaker people would have been in the asylum years ago chick. You are stronger than you think xx

                I like your FMIL does she want to ring mine lmfao

                And no jumping off a hill young lady unless its with a bungy rope

                #38 FutureMrsLewis

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                  Posted 28 September 2008 - 02:28 PM

                  Crap, I just had a whole post written out and my computer spazzed

                  I feel so much better today :) My sister didn't show up, no nasty phone calls, no e-mails, nothing at all, and it feels AWESOME!! Now is that going to last the whole day? Maybe, maybe not, but for right now, it feels like they're already gone, and I'm absolutely fine with that

                  It feels great to have so much support and to even have you guys feel proud of me :) I knew I had FI and his parents' support, but to have support from pretty much complete strangers, (not COMPLETE strangers, but you know what I mean :P) it just feels absolutely amazing! And I'm glad you ladies think I was strong during all of this, because until today, I felt anything but. I had a great conversation with FMIL last night for over two hours, and we discussed her recent split with her sister that gave me even more confidence. I'm just so glad I finally stood up and decided that enough was enough and took the first step, and I'm not going back for anything or anyone. I'm keeping my head up and if they leave, then they leave, but if they stay, then they have to respect me and my decisions or else they'll be forced to leave.

                  And Harty, maybe FMIL can have a chat with yours and give her some advice... Or a good smack over the head lol

                  So for today, a little housecleaning, some good movies, and a lot of relaxation Thanks ladies!! I'll keep you posted, as always :)

                  #39 kate.com

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                    Posted 02 October 2008 - 10:12 PM

                    Good for you! One way or another it will all work out. No one said it would be easy... but it will work out!

                    #40 FutureMrsLewis

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                      Posted 02 October 2008 - 10:35 PM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by kate.com
                      Good for you! One way or another it will all work out. No one said it would be easy... but it will work out!
                      One of my favourite quotes is "Never let anyone tell you it will be easy, just worth it" and it's so true :) Haven't heard from anyone thus far, so I'm assuming that they're gone, and I couldn't be happier Yesterday I was a little sad thinking about how small my guest list is now for the wedding and how lonely this Christmas is going to be since FI's parents moved away back in March, but today I feel confident that we're going go be okay We're buying a new Christmas tree (my little monster destroyed the lower branches last Christmas trying to take the star's place) and we're starting some new traditons that hopefully will carry on for every Christmas. I'm really confident and carefree right now, and I'm able to focus on what's important: Me and FI and our two little furballs

                      Thanks so much girls, you've really given me a lot of strength, and a WHOLE lot of sanity! lol




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