Renewal of Vows vs. Legal Ceremony...help!

[MrsWtobe]

I'm hoping that someone can help me out with this. My FI and I have decided that we might just go for the renewal of vows ceremony and do the whole legal thing back here in Canada. I do not want to let anyone in my family know and I'm wondering how hard it is going to be to keep this a secret. If we opt for a "renewal of vows" ceremony, will it be the same as a regular "legal" ceremony?? Will papers be signed, etc.?? Obviously we'll still have to pay for the judge to be there, but we're hoping to save a little bit on the translation fees. At this point, I'd rather spend that money that we save on something for the guests...any help would be great!

[MrsV-to-be]

Hey!

My FI and I just came to the same decision, because we didn't have to be limited on the days we could be married down there (we wanted to get married on a day before the legal 3 day wait period).

We are getting married by a Non-Denominational Minister in a Symbolic wedding ceremony, so I assume it will follow the same format as any other non-civil or religious ceremony. but I believe (although i don't know for sure) that there won't be any paper signing - I can't think of any reason of why it would be necessary, since it is not legal.

[MrsWtobe]

I'm really torn about what to do here.

Are you telling anyone else that's what you're doing? I've heard that at the hotel I'm having my wedding at if you opt for the "renewal of vows" ceremony it's just a hotel employee that performs the ceremony. I'd just like to try and keep it as "real" as possible if I could as not to alert the other guests.

 

And I feel really bad/guilty about doing this....is this ok

[*JillD*]

This is what we're doing, we're trying not to tell people, but we've let it slip to a couple of people, just because they were asking about the difficulty in getting married in mexico, so I couldn't lie, but we're keeping it as quiet as we can. And I don't think you have to do the renewal of the vows, I think you can just do a non-legal ceremony, sometimes called a spritual ceremony, or a religious ceremony. If the officiant is included in your fee then you probably don't have a choice of who does it, but if you are hiring your own person then you should be able to pick whoever you want.

[A10CalGal]

Here's what we're doing:

 

Getting married legally in the US one week prior to our Cabo wedding.

 

Having a symbolic ceremony for our real wedding using our own oficiant - my FI's brother in law. He is writing his portion of the ceremony & we are writing our vows.

 

We chose to do this because we wanted our ceremony to be special in a way that having it done "legally" was not going to allow for us...i.e. it would have to be in spanish, and apparently cannot deviate from their "official" ceremony.

 

I have only told my mom about this...I think I may have told my MOH too.

[LCBride2007]

i think that most people that have been legally married in the US before or after their Mexico ceremony have kept it a secret from most everyone. i know we will be!

[MrsWtobe]

Here's my major problem--we opted for the "free" wedding package at our resort (it suited what we wanted perfectly). This package can be used for a civil ceremony or a renewal of vows package.

I'm worried that:

a) there won't be a judge there doing the ceremony, it would be someone from the hotel staff...which might start to look fishy

We won't be signing anything...which would again, look fishy

 

I really want to ask my mom or MOH's opinion, but I really don't want to offend anyone. (Plus my mom has a huge mouth and it would only be a matter of time before I heard from my father about this...who wouldn't understand and I'd have to tell him 54 times before he could even fathom it)

 

Argh...I am stressed...I feel really torn with this decision!

[A10CalGal]

Hmm Jennifer, maybe you should go for the legal ceremony then. I would hate for you to feel like you are being deceptive. HOWEVER, should you choose to go the deceptive route I think you could totally pull it off. Who would know whether the officiant is a judge or not? And, you can always bring your souveneir marriage certificate & sign it after the ceremony so it looks like something official is happening...just some thoughts.

[MrsV-to-be]

hhmm.

first - We are trying to keep it quiet as well, but those few I have told, don't think it is a big deal. My mom says that legalities can kiss her ass, and what is important is the ceremony of watching someone commit & dedicate their lives together. (I thought it was cute rationale - thought I'd share it with you, because it made me feel better about it )

Second - can you ask your wedding coordinator who will be performing the wedding, and if it is just an employee, if you have the option of brining a Non-Denominational minister onto the property to perform the wedding?

third - do you think you could pull off a 'fake signing'? I mean perhaps have a book or some sort of document that you, witnesses and the officiant signs? What exactly I don't know. I don't know if some religions give a certificate of marriage or something along those lines or not.

Of course if anyone asks you a direct question, you can't lie about it, but this way, you may avoid being asked questions.

[MrsWtobe]

Thanks everyone for their help...

I just looked on our hotel's website and they have renewal of vows/symbolic ceremony listed as the same thing. Does anyone know what the symbolic ceremony is? Would this mean I would be getting a judge?

Sorry if I seem so ridiculous about this---I know I have a ton of time, I'd just like to get this decision sorted out sooner than later!