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LuvGrand

Someone else's wedding

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Morgan - I really wanted to just tell the girls to wear a black, knee or tea length cocktail dress of their choice. The only reason I'm thinking about not doing it is that it's a tropical wedding! But I still think that would be the easiest and everyone would feel comfortable with what they're wearing....I don't know...

 

Part of me would like to buy their dresses too (if I pick one), but like you, I paid about $1,000 to be in all of their weddings. And now we're 30! They all got married when we were broke and their parents paid the bill.

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Originally Posted by Opice34 View Post
Morgan - I really wanted to just tell the girls to wear a black, knee or tea length cocktail dress of their choice. The only reason I'm thinking about not doing it is that it's a tropical wedding! But I still think that would be the easiest and everyone would feel comfortable with what they're wearing....I don't know...

Part of me would like to buy their dresses too (if I pick one), but like you, I paid about $1,000 to be in all of their weddings. And now we're 30! They all got married when we were broke and their parents paid the bill.
I feel the same way. If I had BMs I would buy their dresses because I paid for all of mine. I just wish it was a tradition that was never started int eh first place.

I had planned on picking a bunch of bright colors, letting them pick which color they wanted & then let them buy a beachy dress in that color. That way they can set their own budget. But, I decided just not to have BMs all together. None of Mike's guys can make it. it was jsut a lot easier not to. But, I made them my honorary BMs.

Anyway, back to dresses, I don't think you should have to buy their dresses after all you spent on their weddings. But there are so many other ways to be a nice bride. You probably will be great after your experience as a BM.

My next BM dress is tea length black & I love it. I did really appreciate her picking something so rewearable (that's why she picked it) so in turn I'll go above and beyond as a BM. But, I agree it might not be beachy. this is an indoor wedding.

A great thing about a beach wedding is that you can find great dresses that aren't expensive. Also, when they are short they don't have to be hemmed.

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Yes I definitnely agree that this has made me think about asking friends to be in my wedding. IF I do have bridesmaid(s), it would only be my best friend and maybe my FI's sister. I figured I would just take them shopping and get a dress that they like and is cheap enough that I could pay for it. They would already be spending a ton of money AND time to come to my wedding.

 

I just feel like people forget how much everyone else pays to come to your wedding. I'm just getting very frustrated with all of the costs because I'm expected to pay for it, not really asked. For my wedding, if people can afford it, come! If not, then come to by AHR. I'm not going to be upset if people can't afford it.

 

You know, I'm just ranting. I am actually honored that she asked me to be a BM. I just want to point out that it can be frustrating sometimes :) BUT I'll do it because I love her!

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Originally Posted by LuvGrand View Post
Yes I definitnely agree that this has made me think about asking friends to be in my wedding. IF I do have bridesmaid(s), it would only be my best friend and maybe my FI's sister. I figured I would just take them shopping and get a dress that they like and is cheap enough that I could pay for it. They would already be spending a ton of money AND time to come to my wedding.

I just feel like people forget how much everyone else pays to come to your wedding. I'm just getting very frustrated with all of the costs because I'm expected to pay for it, not really asked. For my wedding, if people can afford it, come! If not, then come to by AHR. I'm not going to be upset if people can't afford it.

You know, I'm just ranting. I am actually honored that she asked me to be a BM. I just want to point out that it can be frustrating sometimes :) BUT I'll do it because I love her!
I approached mine the same way. I actually talked a friend out of going because she really can't afford it right now. I only want people to go if they really do want to spend the money for a vacation. I put so much effort into making friends really comfortable saying they won't be going. in the end I'll have a lot less friends there, but that is totally fine with me.

Your friend probably has no idea what she is doing is stressing you out. It's a pretty normal way things are done. it's not like she is doing something out of the ordinary. But that doesn't make it right. It should be a choice. You should talk to her (phone not email) and say that you want to work out a way for you to be a part of the wedding, but without spending so much. Suggest the hair & makeup ideas. is there anyway to make the bachelorette party less expensive? Approach it really nice & a good friend should be able to talk about it with you. I think things go wrong when so much hostility builds that it isn't talked about until shitfan.gif

Of course you don't want to cause her more stress. But, it should be a talk you can have without things getting bad. I've had the shoe disscussion many times. Maybe the bride was mad at me, but they always seemed to understand. I think they realize I've been a BM so many times that I'm just trying to give good advice.

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I was the MOH in two weddings and the only female attendant both times. I probally spent a thousand with each. But it isn't always because the bride demanded anything. I didn't want either bride to go without special things so I spendt a little more. When I was married the first time, I had a traditional wedding and 4 bridesmaids. The only requirement I had was the BM dress. I didn't care about anything else. Maybe you can sit down with the bride, explain your situation, and see what expenses are negotiable like hair makeup nails etc.

P.S. As much as I love my friends and family I don't think I ever want to do the BM thing again. I'd rather be a guest so all I have to do is eat drink and party. lol.

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Originally Posted by MoWife View Post
Sorry you're having trouble with this wedding. I think some brides do get carried away with what they expect from their BM's. I felt so bad that my BM's had to pay for the trip to Jamaica I tried to make everything else easy. My Mom and I bought their dresses, I paid for their hair, I bought them their jewelry, I let them wear whatever shoes they wanted, I bought them some other gifts, and when it came time for my bachelorette party I said I just wanted to go to Sunday Happy Hour at my favorite shore bar (no cover and lots of drink specials). They wanted to rent a van to get there but I didn't want them paying for that so we all piled in my Mom's minivan. It was a blast!
That sounds perfect. I bet your girls loved you for it. They look like they had a blast being in your wedding too. I love the bridal party in the pool picture. I would love being in a wedding where I got to take crazy pictures like that.

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Originally Posted by Morgan View Post

A great thing about a beach wedding is that you can find great dresses that aren't expensive. Also, when they are short they don't have to be hemmed.
That's true! At least they won't have to pay for alterations!

I'm still not sure what I'll do...

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I'm sorry guys. I don't mean to gripe so much. I should talk to her but I would feel SO bad bringing all of this up because she is REALLY stressed out already. She had a panic attack a couple of months ago because of all the stress. I just don't want to add to that. I'll just suck it up. You are right...she isn't asking anything out of the ordinary. I think she is trying to control every little detail so there are no surprises (which inevitably there will be some). To be honest, I doubt she knows my financial troubles and I don't want her to feel like she has to pay for me or anything. It will be fine! I would never be upset at the wedding or pissed because I'm paying for this stuff. I know that once I get there, everything will be fine. :)

Thanks for understanding guys! I'm glad we can all reflect on how much stress it causes other people. Just something to remember. :)

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I found my BM dresses on the clearance rack at Dillards for $30 each! If you don't have a lot of BMs I suggest checking the clearance racks at major dept stores and online too. You might get lucky

Click the image to open in full size.

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