My Unconventional Journey to the Alter Continued....
If you read the first entry of my blog, you will remember that I had outlined how I felt that I had become a Backward Bride. By the end of the entry, you may recall that I had written about having endured some failures and tragedies and found myself in quite a low place. I was single and lonely, raising two children, going to college and dealing with loss and illness in my family. I felt my world collapsing around me and I wondered how I was going to make it through it all. When out of no where a beacon of hope shone in the distance waiting for me to reach out and follow it.
Before my parents got sick and I had more time, I had joined a dating sight. I was not thrilled with the results and looked at the site as more of entertainment then finding a relationship. Most men on the site, in my age range, were bitter, divorced men who just wanted sex. The others were generally single for a good reason. One night after spending several hours at the hospital with my Step dad, going over what direction to take with his cancer diagnoses, I popped onto the site as a distraction. After sifting through the usual crap messages from horny womanizers, There was one that was kind of nice. He introduced himself, wrote about himself in way that utilized self deprecating humor, something I tend to do as well. His communication was well thought out, informative and funny as hell. I had to respond. I hadn't laughed that hard in a long time and it felt good.
Our communication was slow as I was still busy with all of everything, but it was easy and natural. I felt as though we had know each other for years. We had a lot in common. He had kids, I had kids. He was starting a new career and I was just finishing school to start a new one of my own. We both enjoyed that same subjects (mostly- I can't stand hockey and he's obsessed) and we both love to talk. We talked so much that when we first went shopping together to grab dinner items, it took forever because we kept stopping in the aisle, without noticing, to talk about some random events we found interesting. And even though I was in a cyclone of stress and chaos, I found myself feeling like everything was going to be all right because a hero had arrived. Not a swoop in and fix everything hero, but a genuine kind hearted person who cared about me and what I was going through. A hero who knew when to make me laugh or when to give me a hug. A hero who knew when I needed silence or a distraction. A hero that would show up at the front of the hospital to drive to wherever I had parked my car, just so that I didn't have to make the walk alone.
Shortly after meeting my Sir Galahad, my stepfather passed away on Christmas day. Having been though it only months before when my mother passed, I plunged into making the arrangements and let my grief take a back seat. Because I had only been dating my new fellow for a few weeks, it was not appropriate to expect him to attend services with me and I didn't ask. The support he offered throughout in subtle ways meant the world to me. Just before service started at my step fathers memorial, I received a text with a simple message; "Thinking about you today". And from that day until now , five years later, we have spent barely a day apart.
My new fairy tale began. Although we did take things much slower then my past relationships, we did end up moving in together and becoming a family after two years of dating. It has not always been easy, but we work on it. There is financial struggle with both of us in new careers, dealing with ex's and differing parenting styles. We are figuring it out. I have not always made things easy by wanting to get married and take our relationship all the way. He always said he's not opposed to getting married again if that would make me happy, however, despite my best efforts, no ring has appeared.
So I sat my beloved down and said "Here's the thing, I'm forty-two and I'm feeling kind of spinsterish having not been married yet." I told him that I was not planning on being his girlfriend forever so he'd better get off his duff and get he show on the road. I explained that planning a wedding was a good two year process perhaps longer and that emotionally I needed to be married in order to keep investing in our relationship. Of course we had the discussion of how it's only a piece of paper....blah, blah, blah. He dug in and was stubborn for a while but after mentioning a destination wedding, he began to like the idea. No church, no formalities, just the kids and those close to us. A wedding, a honeymoon and a family vacation all wrapped up in a neat little all inclusive package. He was sold.
Although my unconventional journey to the alter is not near it's end, at least I feel like I can truly begin. The green light has been given to plan this adventure, so plan away I will. I've already begun my research and that's how found this site. It has been incredibly helpful so far. So as I, the Backwards Bride await my proposal, I will continue to blog my planning progress as many of you have done so well.
Next Blog: The Five W's of the Backward Bride's Journey to the Alter.....