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AmberRose22

best friend moaning about DW! Im 'asking too much!'

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Posted (edited)

We are planning a DW in Cuba in a 3-4 years (a long way off i know, but we need time to save).

We decided to tell our families our plans, so they would have time to comfortably save as well. We said that this is what we want and people are welcome to fly out and be with us. I would love to have my best friend there but when i told her the price she started moaning saying how expensive it was. Its actually a very good price for 2 weeks all-inclusive tbf. I told her that its fine if she can't come but reminded her that it is a few years away so plenty of time to save. She only needs to put a little away each month. It just annoys me as she's telling me that she really wants to come and would be broken-hearted if she couldn't but its like she unwilling to even TRY to save up! She's always wasting her money on shit/takeaways but then moans that she's broke, constantly complaining how she never goes on holiday but doesn't seem to understand that if you want the hols then you got to save up!!!

I don't even think she will try so i'm not sure if i should even bother asking her to my hen weekend? I just have a feeling that she won't try to do save then all i will hear until the end of time is how gutted she is that she missed my hen and wedding 😒 Its really depressed me as she makes me feel that my wedding is a burden and not worth the bother, its really took the shine off it! For me (i know how self-centered this sounds) iv had to sit and watch all my friends get married, have their moment, have everyone make a fuss of them and be excited for them. Iv waited so LONG and i bloody want my time now! i dont wanna hear how much hassle/expensive/far it is!!!

Edited by AmberRose22

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Is it an option to quote a package for 1 week instead for all the guests and you and your hubby can stay 2 weeks? It's difficult to tell people what to do with their money and how they should save as that puts them on the defense. We are also planning a destination wedding and travelling once a year somewhere tropical is no big deal to us as we save up in advance and go away each year. When we'll hand out invitations we'll have to be conscious of the fact that not all our friends and family travel the way we do and even a one-week vacation somewhere out of the country is not regular routine for some. I would love for everyone to be able to take the time off and save up the money to join us, but we are Ok with the fact that it may not be possible. We are going into this comfortable with the idea that it may just be the 2 of us on a beach getting married, and that's completely fine. 

Just tell your friend that you would love to have her there even if it's less than the time everyone stays, and invite her to all the pre-wedding events. It's her choice to participate in whatever event she can afford to and would like to be a part of. Whenever she starts complaining about costs, just say "I'm sorry you won't be able to make it, we'll try to catch up when I'm back" and change the subject. Don't let her drag you down into a wormhole of self doubt and wedding guilt. 

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It's really tough when you put your heart and soul into planning your destination wedding and people aren't supportive for whatever reason. I think maybe letting people know how much it will cost for 2 weeks may be an issue -- a lot of people can't take that much time off and I"m guessing because it's such an extended period of time, the price may seem high to her. A good way of presenting a destination wedding celebration is to give rates based on 4 days, 3 nights -- which is typically what resorts will require for a group booking. This way, people will view it more of an extended weekend celebration and the time off as well as the costs becomes much more feasible to people. More likely, you'll have guests who will opt to stay longer and at that point you just let them know how much the extra cost will be.

I suggest you talk to your best friend straight up about this and let her know how important it is for her to be there and find out what is holding her back. Communication is key!!

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