Sarah2017

I’m new here but was googling for some insight and came across this site. Couldn’t quite find a scenario like mine (not surprising) so figured I would ask my own question for some outside input as I’m stuck rumaging through my brain right now. There’s too much background info to get into, but basically my mother has been a functioning/nonfunctioning alcoholic and narcissist my entire life. I love her to death but there’s always been a strain on our relationship and I’ve felt like I’ve had to “watch out” for her, especially the last 5 or so years (I’m 26). She has a pretty intense personality without alcohol, but she often becomes belligerent and verbally abusive when she comes in contact with any amount of alcohol. Change pages to my fiance- he’s an amazing partner and father to my 7yo son. He comes from an Asian (Indian) family, and he showcases many of their values- education, etiquette, order, and most importantly- respect. We’ve been together a little over 2 years now and are getting married later this year. He had a few brief encounters with my mom that were decent, but other than that he only experienced her through what I shared with him of our relationship- until this weekend. We moved across country 4 months ago and she just came to visit. She seemed to be doing well in life and told me she had not been drinking for a long time, and I SURELY didn’t think she would drink as she hadn’t seen us in months and would only be here for a few days. Well, I was wrong. Things were fantastic all the way up until the last day- in which she snuck and drank while my fiance and I were at work and our son was at school. He got home first and before I got there she had made more than one very disrespectful comment about him, including referencing him being a terrorist and comparing his family to The Jungle Book. IT WAS HORRIFYING. When I finally got here, she blew up and was full blown screaming and saying mean things to us all. Terrible is an understatement. I had her leave earlier than expected, and I’m still dealing with the aftermath. My fiance had never been exposed to anything like that and was distraught. He’s refusing to ever have anything else to do with her and saying she’s never welcome in our home. It’s sad that I’m a bit numb to it, but I respect his wishes as I can’t imagine anyone let alone his parents ever treating me that way. SO…with all that being said- here’s my concern: we will be having our wedding at an all-inclusive resort in Mexico, meaning alcohol EVERYWHERE. I was really believing (false hope) nothing would happen when she visited here, but apparently I was wrong. I’m concerned, and my fiance is even MORE concerned, that something will happen during the 4-day event with all his family there. I seriously can’t imagine my wedding day without her and I know I’d regret her not being there, but I am at a lost for other options about what to do for this huge life event (not to mention my marriage and my relationship with her moving forward). Any and all input is appreciated!