midsummerbride

How do you get over the feeling of guilt for having a Destination Wedding? My Fiance live in Pennsylvania and are having a DW in Scotland. There are several reasons why. 1. My Fiance has a huge family, and we don't want a huge wedding. To invite his aunts, uncles, and cousins (but not children of his cousins) that alone is over 80 people. 2. My Fiance and his parents don't speak to each other anymore (abusive father, etc.) and we don't want them coming to the wedding or being able to come if they hear about it. 3. My Fiance has aunts and uncles on his father's side who are very nice people, however, they have serious alcohol (and then behavior) problems. We don't want to just not invite them to the wedding, because unlike his father, they are good people who just have some alcohol problems. We want them in our lives without having to worry about them getting drunk and making a scene (or doing what they did at a cousin's wedding - going out back and smoking marijuana). 4. Scotland is amazing and I know my family members would love to see our clan's castle. We were just stressing about what to do with his family... its all been hard on us, but we do NOT want them at the wedding. Even if we had a dry wedding (which we would if they came), I know they would do something. That would ruin our relationship with them and we don't want that since they are able to behave when we're one-on-one. And if we went anywhere in the states, most of them would still probably come. However, they won't come to Scotland. Initially my mom agreed that this is what we should do, as most of my family will be able to afford it but my fiance's won't. But now my mom is being weird. Saying we'll have no guests. Acting very lukewarm about the whole thing. But I know my parents and brother (and his fiance) will be able to come, and I don't have any grandparents. There aren't really any people who can't come holding me back. Even though she hasn't said anything to try to guilt me, I do feel guilty. We know that many guests we would like to come can't come and we're okay with that. We're going to have an informal get together when we return. Its not like I'm "expecting" anyone to come, and I know many of my family members would love to go to Scotland, but just haven't had the opportunity to yet. Anyone else have stories of how you felt guilty? I'm trying so hard not to. Advice and your own personal experiences are welcome. =)

Hi! I'm new here! My name is Kyra and I live in Pennsylvania. Fiance and I are getting married in Scotland in August 2014. We have some interesting family drama as of late... so that is one of the biggest reasons we're having a destination wedding. My fiance and his parents no longer speak to each other and his siblings are all divided. Its one big mess, but my fiance has handled it amazingly well! I'm looking forward to reading everyone's posts!!

My mom is on my nerves and I just need to vent. She can't seem to take it seriously that we want to have a destination wedding. FI and I are planning on paying for all of it unless she wants to give some. FI has family issues, so its just going to be easier to have a destination wedding. I feel like I can't tell her anything about it. When we were with family, my aunt asked me is we had a date and what we were thinking of doing. My mom says, "yeah... she wants to get married in Scotland... HA!" Well, gee, mom...yeah I do, I have already contacted a planner and we're narrowing down venues. Tonight I asked her if she would like to see some of the venues we're looking at... "no." I said, "um... why?" "Because I'm not going" - supposedly "joking". Its just irritating... do you want to be involved in the wedding planning or not? Because this is what we're doing and FI and I deserve more respect. When my FSIL is talking about her wedding plans its like "OH LET'S ALL SIT DOWN AND TALK ABOUT IT AND LISTEN." Even before, my mom asked me to bring up FSIL and my brother's wedding to FSIL because FSIL was feeling like her friends weren't excited enough. My wedding is a few months after FSIL and brother's. I just want to tell my mother to take her own advice. She and FSIL had a rough time a few years ago, so sometimes my mom is overly concerned about hurting my FSIL's supposedly hyper-sensitive feelings... but she quite obviously couldn't care less about whether or not she was hurting mine. This of course isn't the only issue my mom and I have ever had... she frequently makes me fee like less-than (pretty much "joked" that I was stupid for most of my life) and has for most of my life even though she would say otherwise. Also I should add - this would have nothing to do with my mom being able to afford or not afford the wedding. Someone else asked me that. She and my dad both have more than enough money to afford coming... The farthest she's gone is Canada and that was almost 20 years ago. And I'm tired of it... I want to get out and see the world. She always says she wants to go over there.. but when? She always has some excuse.

My mom is on my nerves and I just need to vent. She can't seem to take it seriously that we want to have a destination wedding. FI and I are planning on paying for all of it unless she wants to give some. FI has family issues, so its just going to be easier to have a destination wedding. I feel like I can't tell her anything about it. When we were with family, my aunt asked me is we had a date and what we were thinking of doing. My mom says, "yeah... she wants to get married in Scotland... HA!" Well, gee, mom...yeah I do, I have already contacted a planner and we're narrowing down venues. Tonight I asked her if she would like to see some of the venues we're looking at... "no." I said, "um... why?" "Because I'm not going" - supposedly "joking". Its just irritating... do you want to be involved in the wedding planning or not? Because this is what we're doing and FI and I deserve more respect. When my FSIL is talking about her wedding plans its like "OH LET'S ALL SIT DOWN AND TALK ABOUT IT AND LISTEN." Even before, my mom asked me to bring up FSIL and my brother's wedding to FSIL because FSIL was feeling like her friends weren't excited enough. My wedding is a few months after FSIL and brother's. I just want to tell my mother to take her own advice. She and FSIL had a rough time a few years ago, so sometimes my mom is overly concerned about hurting my FSIL's supposedly hyper-sensitive feelings... but she quite obviously couldn't care less about whether or not she was hurting mine. This of course isn't the only issue my mom and I have ever had... she frequently makes me fee like less-than (pretty much "joked" that I was stupid for most of my life) and has for most of my life even though she would say otherwise. Also I should add - this would have nothing to do with my mom being able to afford or not afford the wedding. Someone else asked me that. She and my dad both have more than enough money to afford coming... The farthest she's gone is Canada and that was almost 20 years ago. And I'm tired of it... I want to get out and see the world. She always says she wants to go over there.. but when? She always has some excuse.

My mom is on my nerves and I just need to vent. She can't seem to take it seriously that we want to have a destination wedding. FI and I are planning on paying for all of it unless she wants to give some. FI has family issues, so its just going to be easier to have a destination wedding. I feel like I can't tell her anything about it. When we were with family, my aunt asked me is we had a date and what we were thinking of doing. My mom says, "yeah... she wants to get married in Scotland... HA!" Well, gee, mom...yeah I do, I have already contacted a planner and we're narrowing down venues. Tonight I asked her if she would like to see some of the venues we're looking at... "no." I said, "um... why?" "Because I'm not going" - supposedly "joking". Its just irritating... do you want to be involved in the wedding planning or not? Because this is what we're doing and FI and I deserve more respect. When my FSIL is talking about her wedding plans its like "OH LET'S ALL SIT DOWN AND TALK ABOUT IT AND LISTEN." Even before, my mom asked me to bring up FSIL and my brother's wedding to FSIL because FSIL was feeling like her friends weren't excited enough. My wedding is a few months after FSIL and brother's. I just want to tell my mother to take her own advice. She and FSIL had a rough time a few years ago, so sometimes my mom is overly concerned about hurting my FSIL's supposedly hyper-sensitive feelings... but she quite obviously couldn't care less about whether or not she was hurting mine. This of course isn't the only issue my mom and I have ever had... she frequently makes me fee like less-than (pretty much "joked" that I was stupid for most of my life) and has for most of my life even though she would say otherwise. Also I should add - this would have nothing to do with my mom being able to afford or not afford the wedding. Someone else asked me that. She and my dad both have more than enough money to afford coming... The farthest she's gone is Canada and that was almost 20 years ago. And I'm tired of it... I want to get out and see the world. She always says she wants to go over there.. but when? She always has some excuse.