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Advice, please... FMIL wants to go dress shopping


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#11 Debs

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    Posted 16 January 2008 - 08:13 PM

    See if it was me I couldn't lie. I can lie about alot of things but in this situation it just seems wrong to me.

    I would tell her that you have done alot of research online (which you have, and your FH has backed you up), and that you are going to be going with your MOH and / or bridesmaids.

    I really like the idea of adding on "but I could really use your help with xyz" like Danielle said. It will lessen the blow, LOL, and she'll still feel involved.

    #12 MikkiStreak

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      Posted 16 January 2008 - 08:31 PM

      Or, tell her you already have something picked out, but you'd like to take her to the final fitting so she can see the dress before FI and other guests.... That might do the trick because it'd help her feel "included", but doesn't give her decision-making authority or put as much pressure on you....

      #13 ErinB

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        Posted 16 January 2008 - 10:37 PM

        Becks, wasn't it your FMIL who didn't like the STD's? That doesn't bode well for her taste. I would say take that high road and ask her with you but only for a limited amount of time. "We're going Friday from 11am to 1." or something like that. It's not your fault if it is inconvient for her, you offered!

        I'm usually a big fan of killing with kindness.

        #14 MissyR

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          Posted 16 January 2008 - 11:51 PM

          Tough call - I went with my mom and sister first - b/c my Mother-in-law lives out West (and has no daughters) I asked her to go over Christmas holidays when we were visiting. It really was more for something fun and she knew that I wouldn't ever buy a dress without my mom there but it was a nice way to share the experience - and in all honesty we have opposite taste in dresses!

          #15 BillysBride

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            Posted 17 January 2008 - 01:47 PM

            I fear that anything you say, no matter how tactful, will cause hard feelings. For that reason, a tiny lie won't hurt. Just say the shop you want to go to is really busy and appointments are scarce, so you have to go whenever they can get you in...and conveniently make it a sudden thing, or whenever you know she CAN'T go. lol. I'm terrible, but thats what I would do. I actually love TiffJT's idea of just saying you already found The Dress and had to snatch it up before it was too late or whatever.

            Don't feel bad...this is totally understandable and its about YOUR DAY!
            Savannah

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            #16 foxytv

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              Posted 17 January 2008 - 02:57 PM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by MikkiStreak
              Or, tell her you already have something picked out, but you'd like to take her to the final fitting so she can see the dress before FI and other guests.... That might do the trick because it'd help her feel "included", but doesn't give her decision-making authority or put as much pressure on you....
              That is a really good idea ... b/c there is no going back on the decision -- but if she is insistent like you say, you have to be ready for her to potentially say something negative about your choice in the dress you picked.

              I would have the opposite problem with my FMIL. She would want to go and would love absolutely everything I tried on. lol.

              #17 LeeN

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                Posted 17 January 2008 - 03:34 PM

                I ended up on a spur of the moment, completely unplanned trip with my MIL and it was horrible! We get on very well in general, but it was my first time trying on dresses and I had a bit of a panic attack. It all suddenly became very real and it just completely freaked me out. The worse part was that I was not wearing appropriate undergarments for the occasion! The MIL was very understanding and I'm sure she feels included now, but whatever you decide, don't have her as the only person with you if this is your first time. I had no idea I would react that way!

                #18 Wisco4

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                  Posted 17 January 2008 - 03:44 PM

                  I have the same thing happening right now. FMIL wants to take me to a wedding store a hour away because that's where she took her daughter (my FSIL) to find her dress. I keep putting it off.
                  Sorry, I don't have much advice besides just letting her come but try on the dresses YOU like. And if you can bring a couple other people, friends, BMs to back you up.
                  ~Amanda

                  #19 gkashmira

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                    Posted 17 January 2008 - 03:47 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by Chiquita
                    You could say something like, "thanks so much for offering to come, but my bridesmaids and I are going to go together" or something to that effect. Then try to get her to help with something else... if you want!
                    This was actually going to be my advice too! Good thinking
                    Kashmira & Dan
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                    #20 gkashmira

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                      Posted 17 January 2008 - 03:52 PM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by Claire
                      Why don't you take control of the situation, call MIL and ask her to come shopping with you. Take the afternoon and have a nice day with her. Tell her you are ONLY LOOKING - definitely not buying yet. Try on the dresses that you like, the dresses that she likes and just smile at everything she says. Don't let it bug you! (You will have the final say, even if she doesn't know it!)

                      You can remember if you see something you like. Take a notebook and write down what you like and if she insists that she likes something better, smile sweetly and write that down too. That will make her feel important, (but you are not committing to it and it won't hurt you to fake it). You have to "think about it". That's how you can make her happy and you too.

                      If she asks you later if you have made up your mind, "no, still thinking about it". Then go with whoever you want, wherever you want and buy what you want.
                      Claire - you should consider a job in politics! What a brilliant idea!

                      Plus imagine how much it would mean to her to have this afternoon with you. Assuming that the day won't be horribly uncomfortable (maybe bring your MOH of someone else along to make it easier) it's a great compromise. Who knows you may actually find something you like!
                      Kashmira & Dan
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