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So hurt...BM issue


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#1 Yari

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    Posted 14 January 2008 - 07:23 PM

    Ok, background...

    I have a core group of friends from sorority. There is seven of us including me, we call each other the GNI girls. All of them are married or have been married, but myself and one other girl. We have monthly get togethers that we call GNI (girls night in). We have had them for over 5 years, they are every month at one of the girl's house and we alternate every month.

    The last two GNI's I felt like no one cared about my wedding. Everytime I brought something up certain girls didn't seem excited. Really it's only two girls. One I will call L she just had a baby a year ago and is caught up in being a mom. I totally understand this too. I had L try on the bridesmaid dress and she is quite ample in the breast region. So it didn't look very good on her and I didn't know what to do. She was like, oh well. I felt like she didn't care.

    Well the holidays went by and I never hear from L, I always have to contact her. When I bring up the wedding she has no interest, so I stopped talking about it to her. I brought up to the GNI girls that I was going dress shopping and no one said anything, so I didn't bring it up again. BTW - my MOH is in the GNI group, but is super excited about the wedding and calls, emails me all the time.

    So I called L today to discuss the dress issue. She was very weird about it and just so uncaring. When I told her I got my dress yesterday, I could tell that she was upset that I didn't invite her, but I just said I didn't know you wanted to go.

    After our phone call I was very upset and started to cry to a coworker. I just felt like L didn't care at all about my wedding or being in the wedding.

    After lunch L called me and said she wanted to talk about the wedding and her participation. She said the reason why she has been acting lowkey is she is planning on getting pregnant again and didn't want to tell me cause it might stress me out. She wasn't sure if I wanted her to be in the wedding pregnant. I was so sad that she didn't tell me all of this earlier and that she spoke to the other girls about it.

    We worked everything out, basically if she gets pregnant we will find a dress that will work for her. I told her not to worry about it. I was honored that her and her husband are waiting until April to try, so they will be able to attend. It just hurts that for the last few months, my best friends have kept something from me. She apologized profusely and said she is super excited about the wedding, but she didn't know how to approach me. Which makes me so sad that one of my closest friends can't talk to me.

    Thanks for letting me vent.

    #2 MelissaH

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      Posted 14 January 2008 - 07:27 PM

      That's crappy of them to keep that from you - because really it's not *that* big of a deal, you know? I'm really glad that you two worked things out though.

      #3 monicabrandon2008

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        Posted 14 January 2008 - 07:32 PM

        That's good that you girls worked it out! I have a group like that, there are only 4 of us though. You know girls can be like that sometimes. Talk to someone else before they say something. I wouldn't worry too much over it. Now you know that she is in fact excited for you just didn't want you to think she was trying to steal your thunder so to speak. Sounds like everything will work out just fine.
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        #4 amandalovesryan

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          Posted 14 January 2008 - 07:33 PM

          That stinks! I have gotten on your website before and read through the things about your BMs. I felt very happy for you to have so many close friends. I am experiencing some of the same things. I am so excited about the wedding and I feel like no one wants to talk about it. I guess that is how it is.
          As far as them talking behind your back, I don't think it was malicious. I think that L was probably worried about hurting you and wanted advice before talking to you. I would probably be hurt too but I think it was probably innocent.
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          #5 Yari

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            Posted 14 January 2008 - 07:36 PM

            Thanks you guys. You are all right.

            I know my friends love me and that my wedding is not the center of their universe.

            I am glad we were able to work it out too.

            Also, thank you for listening to my vent. I feel so much better now.

            #6 jajajaja

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              Posted 14 January 2008 - 08:03 PM

              It sounds like a bunch of miscommunication. I'm glad you all were able to work it out. I know how it feels to have a good friend not talk to you about something important. My best friend suffered from bulimia. Through the grapevine I found out about it and that she had to do a short stint in the hospital for it. I waited for her to tell me because I didn't want her to feel like I was attacking/judging her. She never told me. Long story, our friendship ended up suffering because she ended up avoiding me because I think she was embarrassed. We aren't close anymore and she moved 8 hours away. It's very sad.

              I'm happy for you that you have such a close knit group of friends. Try not to let the little things affect you and make you feel unimportant. They all love you. Don't let misunderstandings hurt your feelings. :)
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              #7 foxytv

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                Posted 14 January 2008 - 08:21 PM

                I totally 100% know how you feel b/c I have been dealing with similar BM issues.

                Is there a chance L might be wanting to back out, or not be able to go for some reason, and is trying to shy away or avoid wedding-talk for that reason? I only ask b/c I had one BM drop off the face of the earth (she lives locally) and then send me an email that she wasn't able to go to the wedding.

                It is definitely tough. I have to remind myself that NO ONE is more excited and into this wedding than I am and that some people just don't want to hear about it all the time (even though I only bring it up when people ask anymore -- I used to be in wedding mode all the time though).

                Anyway, I can totally relate to how you feel -- especialy when it's BM and friends who aren't being the kind of friends you expected during this exciting time.

                The only advice I can give you is to try not toake it to heart b/c no one else thinks this wedding is as important as we do as the bride!!!

                #8 foxytv

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                  Posted 14 January 2008 - 08:24 PM

                  I just re-read your last paragraph and see that you got it all worked out for the most part. Sorry for just skimming your post before blabbing my two cents. lol

                  #9 Yari

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                    Posted 14 January 2008 - 08:28 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by albrosious
                    That stinks! I have gotten on your website before and read through the things about your BMs. I felt very happy for you to have so many close friends. I am experiencing some of the same things. I am so excited about the wedding and I feel like no one wants to talk about it. I guess that is how it is.
                    As far as them talking behind your back, I don't think it was malicious. I think that L was probably worried about hurting you and wanted advice before talking to you. I would probably be hurt too but I think it was probably innocent.
                    I just went to my website and read what I wrote about them. They are amazing friends and I am very lucky. Thank you for pointing that out.

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by foxytv
                    I just re-read your last paragraph and see that you got it all worked out for the most part. Sorry for just skimming your post before blabbing my two cents. lol
                    No worries, my post was rather long. LOL!

                    Also, I don't believe she is trying to back out...especially since they are planning their pregnancy around my wedding. Wow, now that is friendship.

                    #10 LadyP

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                      Posted 14 January 2008 - 09:08 PM

                      Im glad you two worked it out.




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