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Who is paying for what?

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#21 boscobel

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    Posted 14 January 2008 - 01:18 PM

    FI is mostly paying for all of our stuff. I am working my way out of debt (only a few months left, yipppy!), so I do what I can, but he has way more saved up then I do. Our parents are both contributing $10k each towards our AHR, but we are paying for evrything in jamaica. As well as my sis and her two kids travel. His parents are al ittle more financially stable then mine and they are paying for the travel of their other two children and their families. I don't know about etiquette, but I know that it would be nice if your FI's family offered some assistance.

    #22 Allaballa

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      Posted 14 January 2008 - 01:43 PM

      My DH and I paid for the whole wedding. Having said that, my mother paid for my entire outfit (dress shoes, tiara and veil) and threw me a HUGE wedding shower and in my culture we get cash gifts for showers so that was a huge help).

      My inlaws didn't contribute. Didn't offer to contribute and didn't even give a wedding present. FIL said he will give us some $ later in the year.

      My DH comes from a family where the expectations is that the brides family covers the wedding. I come from a family where the expectation is that the couple covers the wedding and the parents just give VERY generous gifts.

      Its tough to balance these traditions and expectations especially when it comes to money.

      #23 shannon

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        Posted 14 January 2008 - 01:47 PM

        We are paying for everything ourselves- my dad wanted to pay for my wedding dress- I had already bought and paid for it- and he said he wanted to cover it- so I just put the money toward the OOT bags :)-- but other than that- we are paying for everything. Everyone is paying for their own way to the wedding.

        At first, I was a little bitter about paying for everything ourselves- me and FI are splitting it 50/50- but now, I can make any decision that I want- and neither set of parents can't really say anything -since we are paying- that freedom has been nice! :) Plus, when we marry in May, I'll be 29 and FI will be turning 35- so we are grown enough to pay for ourselves- though it would be nice to get a nice $$ wedding gift :)

        #24 LCBride2007


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          Posted 14 January 2008 - 03:19 PM

          Originally Posted by cheese_diva
          I agree completely.. maybe it's because I was older when I got married (32).. I'm just glad my parents could afford (barely) to make it to the wedding. I would never EXPECT anyone to pay for my wedding other than my DH and myself.. isn't that what being 'grown up' is all about? With that being said, after the wedding we were given $3K from Matt's mom and more tk with the baby (nice holdout!).. so that went into the bank but we didn't consider it towards the wedding since that was already paid for. Now that we're married it was "our" money that paid for the wedding but in reality it was my monthly bonus that paid as we went. It was a nice feeling that I was able to afford the decisions I made, but we came up with the budget together and I feel proud that we didn't overspend but we still had a beautiful wedding.
          good point - I was 33 when we got married, and this is my 2nd wedding. paul was 29. but i also didn't expect any $$ for my first wedding - and I was 24! lol granted, i've been very lucky/successful/blessed in my career and financially, but i still didn't expect any financial gifts - i think that's a pretty outdated custom - and my family is anything but traditional! lol

          #25 Helen_S81

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            Posted 14 January 2008 - 03:44 PM

            We (the brides mother and father) paid for the engagement party. I have (or will) pay for the wedding dress and any alterations.

            We are paying for our own travel expenses as well as those of our other daughter. Her boyfriend has said he will pay his way but as he is in college we intend to help him out too. I am paying for the other daughter's outfit as she is a bridesmaid, and still in university.

            I am also paying for the contents of the OOT bags.

            The bride and groom are paying for their own travel and are planning to pay for the wedding. We offered to help but they said we were already doing enough. We will be there to help our financially if it is needed.

            The grooms parents have already given them a monetary gift, and have talked about paying for a "rehearsal dinner".

            #26 amandalovesryan

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              Posted 14 January 2008 - 03:49 PM

              Thank you, everyone, for your help! I guess I am just cranky because I know that they totally could help but aren't. They also just made travel arrangements and just got passports. I guess I sorta feel like if things were at home, things would be handled differently and that is making me mad. oh well, I am not as cranky today about it, which is good.
              Oh, and like I said, the wedding is free so there are not many expenses anyway. I think this adds to my crankiness because FMIL and I had a conversation about the added expenses. anyway, thanks, again!
              My favorite type of vacation, a relaxing one!


              #27 starchild



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                Posted 14 January 2008 - 09:53 PM

                Originally Posted by AnnR
                but i still didn't expect any financial gifts - i think that's a pretty outdated custom - and my family is anything but traditional! lol
                Hey hey...it's not that outdated! We got married in 2007 you know Click the image to open in full size.

                #28 nylalany

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                  Posted 14 January 2008 - 10:26 PM

                  albrosious - I guess it depends on what they are used to in your extended family and friend circle, and what his is?

                  Maybe I come from a traditional east coast situation, but I'm 33 and I guess I could afford to throw my own wedding (which is definitely not that cheap, even in Mexico), but my parents can also afford it and they threw my sister's so they are going to throw mine too. I mean, if they didn't have the money too, then I would throw it for myself I guess. Neither of us really have to worry but if they have to worry in the future, it isn't like I wouldn't spend my money on them.

                  I mentioned a rehearsal dinner to my FI and he mentioned it to his parents, and they said they'll do & pay for whatever we want. Since I picked a cheap enough resort to stay at, they are also paying for all their close family (aunts/uncles/nieces/nephews) to come due to their extended family's financial situation, so they are definitely doing their part.

                  I'll pay for our wedding party gifts (no clue yet what for the bridesmaids, but probably groomsmen's shirts and maybe something else), and for our separate honeymoon (since my parents are already paying for our wedding.)

                  Just to offer another perspective.

                  I think most people pick destination weddings b/c they are more affordable, which may be why a lot of the brides on here picked them (no help from family and can afford to do it themselves). I picked it somewhat b/c Los Angeles is expensive for weddings, but also because staying in Los Angeles is expensive for guests and I wanted everyone to stay at the beach together, and also b/c I wanted a more intimate wedding (100 instead of 200+), which is also keeping down costs I think.

                  #29 LCBride2007


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                    Posted 15 January 2008 - 11:51 AM

                    Originally Posted by starchild
                    Hey hey...it's not that outdated! We got married in 2007 you know Click the image to open in full size.
                    lol - i mean that the idea that the groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner and the brides family pays for the wedding ... THAT is the outdated custom! it's based on the assumption that the bride and groom don't have any means of paying for themselves ... these days people are already independant and living on their own before getting married, or at least have an income. silly girl!

                    #30 starchild



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                      Posted 15 January 2008 - 12:02 PM

                      I just had to tease ya.....in fact my friend is engaged and hinted to her dad that he should pay for stuff, and he said something to the effect of "you could afford to move out of my house and into an apartment to have sex with Brian, so you and Brian can afford to pay for the wedding" LMAO!

                      We would have had our LC wedding with or without help, but the help was a treat. Also, I noticed many people received large amounts of money from parents after the wedding....we did not. So maybe it all evens out in the end, a gift is a gift :o)

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