F-MIL part two

[MERRYME]

It soundslike wine isn't going to help but maybe it is time for some tequila?

 

I'm sorry you are going through this. Just take it easy and get all the stress out. Punch something! (NO- not her! a punching bag, a pillow etc..) Two months isn't too bad - try to stay out of eachothers way as much as you can.

[Sarah]

Wow Tammy, I'm really chiming in late here, but all I can say is WOW! I can't believe she's doing this to you...

I think Kash has given great advice, and said pretty much what was on my mind. I also liked her suggestion of Cain appealing to his mom for the two of you to get along. I agree that she might be acting out because she's about to lose her baby boy- moms get crazy like that!

Anyway, go talk to Cain tonight and see what he has to say, go workout and take some time to yourself and just go home and drink some wine, watch tv and stay out of her way for now. I'm sure it geels like you're a prisoner in your own home, but I think until you can confront her with Cain there, it might have to be that way...

Hang in there girlfriend, we're pulling for you. Just think, only 2 more months...

[TammyB]

OMG, so she responded to my email that I sent her earlier trying to explain things better and she still doesn't get it. I talked to Cain and he's pissed at his Ma for acting like a child, (I read him the emails) He said she's over reacting and who would be a guest in someone elses home and move stuff around all the time, he said that it just plain rude. So I'm happy that he at least agrees that I'm not being bitchy and that I have a valid point.

 

She is still saying that her dog will be out of the house by this weekend, the only thing we can think of is she called her Ex-FI to come pick him up. I told Cain she is totally over reacting and he said we (him and I ) wouldn't have to harp on AL all the time if he listened better.

 

Then she trys to give me a guilt trip saying she can't really afford this house in two months right now but is getting it now because she knows she's not welcome in the house. OMG, first of all, she is saying how she wants to put hardwood floors in and paint the house before she moves in,, well for someone who "can't afford" living in there right now, she certainly knows how to spend the money she doesn't have. I mean how come she can't have carpet until she can "afford" to get hardwood floors?

 

This is hell,, I mean really.. I think after today I'll be weighing in 5 pounds less after my workout because I'll be taking out all my stress.

[TammyWright]

i don't know how you deal with it.

 

i don't like people to open my mail. period. it is rude and an invasion of a persons privacy. didn't she learn that in her old age...sheesh!

 

i do not even know what to tell you...i would have checked myself into a month long spa/yoga retreat by now.

[-Kate-]

You are a stronger woman than I am. I think you do need to have that sit down - all 3 of you. I think if you explain to her that it is not 2 against 1 here it might help. Maybe she's feeling ganged up on. And I think she's freakin' about losing Cain.

You know what else helps? Drinks.

[gkashmira]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TAMMYM OMG, so she responded to my email that I sent her earlier trying to explain things better and she still doesn't get it. I talked to Cain and he's pissed at his Ma for acting like a child, (I read him the emails) He said she's over reacting and who would be a guest in someone elses home and move stuff around all the time, he said that it just plain rude. So I'm happy that he at least agrees that I'm not being bitchy and that I have a valid point. She is still saying that her dog will be out of the house by this weekend, the only thing we can think of is she called her Ex-FI to come pick him up. I told Cain she is totally over reacting and he said we (him and I ) wouldn't have to harp on AL all the time if he listened better. Then she trys to give me a guilt trip saying she can't really afford this house in two months right now but is getting it now because she knows she's not welcome in the house. OMG, first of all, she is saying how she wants to put hardwood floors in and paint the house before she moves in,, well for someone who "can't afford" living in there right now, she certainly knows how to spend the money she doesn't have. I mean how come she can't have carpet until she can "afford" to get hardwood floors? This is hell,, I mean really.. I think after today I'll be weighing in 5 pounds less after my workout because I'll be taking out all my stress.

TammyM - Dont' let her try and make you feel guilty. That is SO typical of someone who is seeking attention. It's always "poor me" and "I'm sacrificing" and it's just bullsh*t. She's realized that she acted inappropriately and now she is trying to backtrack and pretend it's about something else.

Think of it this way - at least you'll get a great workout tonight!

Seriously though, hang in there. When the time is right the three of you can sit down and if you're not ready, then it's Cain's turn to make this work. It is his mother and his FI (you) and therefore it is his responsibility to make sure everyone is being treated with respect. What's good is it sounds like he is starting to understand what is going on when he's not looking. I think once he make sit clear that he disapporves of her irrational and childish behavior she will quickly (hopefully) shape-up.

And there is NO reason to paint or put in new floors before you move into a new place. If she couldn't afford the house then it wouldn't even have ocurred to her to start renovating it!

[TammyB]

Well Cain tried to call her and talk to her because she wouldn't talk to me when she got home, I made dinner she ignored me. I told her I took her dog out 5 minutes before she walked in the door and she turned around and took him out anyway. SO Cain called her, she said to him it was a mistake for her to move in, she doesn't like how "I" treat her and she hung up on Cain. Cain is pissed at his Ma right now and he's mad that he's not home to force her to talk to him about what's going on.. I told him I will forward all the emails that we wrote back and forth and he will see I wasn't being rude at all and I was just trying to work on our problems and fix things.

 

I told him I give up, I'm not reaching out to her anymore. If she want's to stay in the bedroom then let her be. This is all very childish and I'm sooo sick of it. seriously running off and getting married without ANYONE sounds really good to me right now.

[gkashmira]

Tammy - I'm so sorry about this awful situation. I think you should just avoid her. If she wants to be a big baby and pout then she can. Right now she's clearly tryign to make Cain feel bad for her (hence her stupid actions and stupid words) so he can take her side.

 

Think of her as a small, insolent child and just ignore her. If she feels so awful why doesn't she move out?!? I mean really - I know it's not cost effective but she's a grown woman. I'm sure she could rent an efficiency for the next two months and start her OWN life...

 

Also we know how hard you've been trying. Just be strong!

[TammyWright]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TAMMYM I told him I give up, I'm not reaching out to her anymore. If she want's to stay in the bedroom then let her be. This is all very childish and I'm sooo sick of it. seriously running off and getting married without ANYONE sounds really good to me right now.

oohh...maybe you and cain can finally have sex...in the living room, on the kitchen table...yeee haw!!

[gkashmira]

Quote:

Originally Posted by host oohh...maybe you and cain can finally have sex...in the living room, on the kitchen table...yeee haw!!

OMG - tammy - That made me laugh!

But really- it's so true - it's not like you TammyM haven't been GREATLY inconvenienced. For that same person to then turn around and be rude and disrespectful is just not OK.

It also sounds liek at this point there;s nothg you yourself can do - you've tried to be nice. You've tried to make peace. Cain has to talk to her and then she needs to move out - the sooner the better!