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Bridal Shower help, please!


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#1 amandalovesryan

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    Posted 01 January 2008 - 12:31 PM

    I come from a large family, 14 aunts and uncles and about 30 cousins and their spouses. My extended family is not well off, most of my cousins are rather poor. I invited just my aunts and uncles to the wedding, knowing that they probably could not go. My mom is trying to plan to the shower and she wanted me to ask this question of you ladies: Since my cousins were not invited to the wedding, should they be left out of the shower? We did not invite them to the wedding because we knew that there would be no way that they could have attended and most of them would probably have been insulted to recieve the invitation. Would they be insulted to recieve an invitation to the shower? Thanks for the help! Amanda
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    #2 michelle08

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      Posted 01 January 2008 - 01:15 PM

      amanda...

      I am not good at ettiquete...but personally I would be offended to not have received an invitation. Although you know they can't afford the trip, they should make that decision...unless of coure you just didn't want to invite them..then that's different! :)

      I am assuming that you didn't mind if they came to the wedding you just didn't send the invites because you didn't want to offend them. I would invited them to the shower anyway...they can choose not to come or to come and at the shower you can always explian that they are more than welcome to make the trip...you just didn't send invites because you didn't want them to feel obligated?

      I don't know, sorry i wasn't a big help!!

      #3 Jones4Me

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        Posted 02 January 2008 - 12:26 PM

        I think the invitations to the shower could be worded to remind them it is celebrating your "wedding in Mexico" (or wherever) so that it re-explains why they are not getting invites to the wedding. And, all of the aunts can certainly help with the explaining if one of the cousins asks or something.

        #4 Alyssa

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          Posted 02 January 2008 - 12:35 PM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by michelle08
          amanda...

          I am not good at ettiquete...but personally I would be offended to not have received an invitation. Although you know they can't afford the trip, they should make that decision...unless of coure you just didn't want to invite them..then that's different! :)

          I am assuming that you didn't mind if they came to the wedding you just didn't send the invites because you didn't want to offend them. I would invited them to the shower anyway...they can choose not to come or to come and at the shower you can always explian that they are more than welcome to make the trip...you just didn't send invites because you didn't want them to feel obligated?

          I don't know, sorry i wasn't a big help!!
          i have to agree with michelle - i would be offended for my finanial situation being more important than sharing in this time with you. unless of course you didn't want to invite them - that is totally acceptable! if money was no object, would you invite them to wedding and shower? if so, i would definitely invite them to the shower.

          good luck!

          #5 ErinB

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            Posted 02 January 2008 - 12:44 PM

            In my understanding, no one should be invited to a wedding related event that is not invited to the wedding itself.

            However, I do think that if you word the shower invite to re-iterate that you aren't getting married here, it would probaly be ok. Or, you or the shower hostess could call each guest to personally invite them so you have a chance to explain why she didn't receive a wedding invite should it come up.

            #6 StephanieMN

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              Posted 02 January 2008 - 12:45 PM

              This is a tricky one. I would be upset if my cousin was having a wedding and didn't invite me even if I was lacking the money to go. I would have like to have been given the option to work it out if I wanted to go. That being said ( I know this wasn't your question) I wouldn't invite them to the shower. It is like saying you can't come to my wedding but you sure can give me a gift. Because we all know that is exactly what showers are about. I am just being straight forward with you here...

              #7 DanielleNDerek

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                Posted 02 January 2008 - 12:47 PM

                This is a tough one. Do you know they would of been offended if they were invited to your wedding or is this just how you feel they would of reacted? I can't imagine why they would be offended if they were invited. I could see how they would be dissappointed they couldn't attend your wedding but that's different.
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                #8 boscobel

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                  Posted 02 January 2008 - 12:49 PM

                  I agree with most of what has been said above. I don't think you can invite people to the shower if you didn't invite them to the wedding. Each situation is different, so if you think they woulnd't be offended, then by all means, go ahead and invite them. But if it was me, I'd feel like Stephanie said above - I can't go to the shower, but you want a gift? I think it's up to the guests to decide whether they can afford to go to your wedding, but also, you might have wanted to keep the ceremony simple and intimate. Or if that wasn't your reason, you can always tell them that was the reason to excuse why the shower invite, but no wedding invite... Good luck! This is always a hard one...

                  #9 amandalovesryan

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                    Posted 03 January 2008 - 08:56 PM

                    Thanks for the help! I did want to keep the wedding simple, I did not want to invite everyone and their many kids. Also, the thing with my family is this, they are always calling my siblings and i spoiled, saying we get whatever we want. so, in a way, no, i don't want them at my wedding and for that matter, not super upset if they are not at the shower. I am close to one of my cousins and she is the only one that i would want at either the wedding or the shower but i guess i cannot invite just one, can I? I just don't want to offend people more than necessary.
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                    #10 StephanieMN

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                      Posted 03 January 2008 - 11:50 PM

                      I guess I would say you could invite just the one. If you are friends with her you sure could invite her. You poor thing--your family really is making this tricky on you!




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