14 replies to this topic

[AlmostMrsForbes]

OK - please tell me if I am being completely insane ... as my darling FI seems to think I am.

FI's mother (who I've not ever been close to) lives in another state. We spent Thanksgiving with her (it's just her ... not remarried), and are now spending Christmas with my parents. My parents love FI, and include him in everything. Anyways, FMIL sent a Christmas card to our house - just for him. It did not mention me anywhere in it! When I pointed it out to FI, he asked if I was "looking for things to be upset at her about." I told him that i didn't need to "look for things" and that, of course, started a big fight.

It is a general point of contention with us. Generally, she is cold and critical - she always makes comments about how much I do or do not eat, when I last exercised. FI claims that she does this to everyone - which is true ... but doesn't make it right.

Anyways, what do you guys think? Is the card thing rude - or am I being overly sensitive? My parents would never have done that!

[StephanieMN]

UUUGH! You are not overeacting! That is so rude. It would be one thing if she sent you each a card but that is a huge slap int he face. WTF is up with FMIL's? Mine does some crap like that too. I am sorry to hear you have to deal with her crap.

[LisaG]

WOW! I think that is very rude! You're not just "dating" him....you are engaged!! I could understand if you guys were just dating, then a card to her son would be fine, but come on, that's just plain rude IMO.

[AlmostMrsForbes]

Thank you! I knew I was not completely crazy!

Anyways, I have a theory that she likes to pretend that I don't even exist! Most parents want their children to be happy - and have fulfilled lives. Not her. I seriously believe that she'd like FI to single forever and to move home with her. Weird.

The last time she was up, someone mentioned us starting a family. You should have seen the look on her face. She was like ... "whoa, one thing at a time." Come on! We've been together 4 years! Won't she get a big surprise ... we plan to start a family soon!

Oh ... and by the way ... she still insists that I call her ... "Mrs. ____" I swear - I don't know how FI got to be so wonderful!

[LisaG]

Mrs. ____......are you f'in kidding me?? Weird!!! I bet it has alot to do with the fact that she's not married and lonely.

[AlmostMrsForbes]

I think you're right ... and I keep trying to empathize with that ... I know that would be hard. Every time I start to feel better about our relationship, she pulls some crap like this ... whatever it's her issue, I suppose.

[LisaG]

I'm sure it is hard, but does she want him to be alone and miserable like her. She has to be if she does those sort of things. So mean.

[Maura]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlmostMrsForbes Thank you! I knew I was not completely crazy! Anyways, I have a theory that she likes to pretend that I don't even exist! Most parents want their children to be happy - and have fulfilled lives. Not her. I seriously believe that she'd like FI to single forever and to move home with her. Weird. The last time she was up, someone mentioned us starting a family. You should have seen the look on her face. She was like ... "whoa, one thing at a time." Come on! We've been together 4 years! Won't she get a big surprise ... we plan to start a family soon! Oh ... and by the way ... she still insists that I call her ... "Mrs. ____" I swear - I don't know how FI got to be so wonderful!

Obviously, it was a rude thing for her to do. Your FI's mom sounds like, sadly, my own mother. Those kind of people are only happy when the people they love are miserable too, so that they have someone to be miserable with. My mom never remarried (or even really dated to my knowledge) after divorcing my dad in 1992. To this day, she depends on my sister and I even though we are both grown and no longer living at home. I had a huge fight with my mom over a number of things when I told her I was getting married -- and she actually accused my FI of trying to force her out of my life because I don't call her 5 times a day. Hello! I am a grown-ass woman! I don't need to call my mommy 5 times a day to ask her how to cut my sandwich, wipe my butt, etc etc.

However, unlike your FI, I am hip to my mother's games and I don't play them anymore because I'm an adult and pay my own bills and do not live under her roof. When she's being ridiculous I just cut her off. She threatened to not come to my wedding the other day, to which I told her I would be sorry if she did that but please realize whether she's there or not, I will still continue my plans to get married in Mexico. She hung up on me. This was... Wednesday last. She has called me at least 15 times since like nothing ever happened. WTF, right? My best advice to you is that there is nothing you can do to change the way his mother acts, so just realize that. My mom has been like this since the divorce. She's very manipulative. It's a source of contention for us that my mom is such a bitch to my FI (look up my other posts and see what she did back around Nov. 12 or so if you want to hear the extreme story). You can kill her with kindness, or you can just remain distant, but know that no matter how much you butter her up, she will go through crazy cycles and do rude stuff.

Good luck!

[amandalovesryan]

I totally feel your pain! I cannot stand when cards come to the house addressed to one of us and not both of us. His GM even sends us each our own card! Hurts my feelings and makes me mad! I empathize with ya!

[Jessica]

I agree with the other girls. You are not crazy. Sorry she's acting so rudely towards you.

She's probably one of those mother's whose son has become the "Man" in her life. I've dated a few of those guys. I can only hope the situation improves for you!