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Pastor marrying us? Do I pay for his ticket and stay?


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#1 Bavaro-Princess

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    Posted 06 December 2007 - 06:38 PM

    Pastor marrying us? Do I pay?

    Good afternoon ladies – I am currently having a huge dilemma… I am catholic but my fianc© is Lutheran. The thing is that he grew up with his Pastor, he was baptized, did his first communion, and confirmation all with the same pastor. And as of me I moved around too much to stick to one Priest.
    The thing is that we decided to marry away in Punta Cana, DR and He asked his pastor if he would marry us and of course after he spoke to his wife he said definitely he would join us and marry us out there…

    The thing is that now everybody is telling us that we have to pay for his flight ticket, and also the stay of not only him but his wife too…

    We were thinking ok we can pay for one or the other… the flight or the stay… but now im confused…

    Here I was thinking I was going to save a lot of money and boom… now I think I am going to have to spend over 2k to accommodate his pastor.

    I don’t know what to do… please help me

    #2 DreaW

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      Posted 06 December 2007 - 06:41 PM

      hmmmm I think you do have to pay for his plane ticket and hotel room, but not for his wife (unless she takes some part in the wedding ceremony)....They are basically your vendors so yeah, going to have to....They don't need to stay long unless your FI says he wants them there for a while.

      We were going to do this but after the price, it was cheaper to find a minister in Cabo

      #3 cheese_diva

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        Posted 06 December 2007 - 06:42 PM

        Did he ever question his accomodations?

        I would think you invited him as your guest.. not sure if he accepted thinking you were paying as a gift to him or if he would pay to travel.. sounds like you'll have to check with him..
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        #4 LCBride2007

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          Posted 06 December 2007 - 07:00 PM

          are you paying him for his services, or was he more invited as a guest? it sounds like he was invited to perform the services, so my initial response is that yes, you should pay for his lodging and flight - but not the flight of the wife.

          #5 JaimeLynne

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            Posted 06 December 2007 - 07:06 PM

            It sounds to me like he sort of volunteered. Would he have been invited regardless? I think it would be a nice gesture to offer to pay for either his flight or his accommodation but not necessarily mandatory. I think it just depends on how close you guys are.

            For example, my hairstylist is very close to me and my family. When she heard of our wedding she said she would come down and do my hair & makeup for free. I talked about how much the lodging and everything would cost and she spoke like she'd be paying for herself just like any other guest...

            ~ Jaime & Martin ~
            "Rain or Swine! 2-0-0-9"

            We had 24 people attend our wedding in Las Caletas, Mexico on May 24th, 2009!

            We all stayed at The Marriott in P.V., and Honeymooned at The Royal Plantation in Ochos Rios, Jamaica!


            #6 Bavaro-Princess

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              Posted 06 December 2007 - 07:44 PM

              Yes - He was invited like a guest... and my fiance said well it would be nice if he can go and marry us also... he is not charging us for his service... is it ok if i pay for his stay andnot his wife? i feel like thats wrong for some reason but i dont know

              #7 JaimeLynne

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                Posted 06 December 2007 - 07:46 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by Bavaro-Princess
                Yes - He was invited like a guest... and my fiance said well it would be nice if he can go and marry us also... he is not charging us for his service... is it ok if i pay for his stay andnot his wife? i feel like thats wrong for some reason but i dont know
                I think that's fine and anything you do would be appreciated.

                ~ Jaime & Martin ~
                "Rain or Swine! 2-0-0-9"

                We had 24 people attend our wedding in Las Caletas, Mexico on May 24th, 2009!

                We all stayed at The Marriott in P.V., and Honeymooned at The Royal Plantation in Ochos Rios, Jamaica!


                #8 Christine

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                Posted 06 December 2007 - 07:51 PM

                honestly I think you are asking him to come and marry you so yes you need to somehow pay for him, think about it this way, pastors do not make a ton of money. I know my pastor came to our wedding and our rehearsal (over an hour drive for him) and we didn't pay for lodging or anything because he just drove home, but we made a donation to his church for his services.
                Christine + Will (married 7/20/07) + Ainsleigh (born 6/25/08) + Nolan (born 11/9/10) + Delaney (born 12/31/13) = One Very Happy Family!

                #9 Bavaro-Princess

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                  Posted 07 December 2007 - 11:29 AM

                  Thank you Guys - I understand now... i spoke to my FI about it and told him we can definitelly pay for either or... another thing he told me was that the Pastos was rearanging his vacation time to spend it with us in Punta cana... i thought that was nice...

                  thanks for your help.. you guys are the bestest

                  #10 foxytv

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                    Posted 07 December 2007 - 12:15 PM

                    I think you should expect to pay for his travel and room ... but perhaps he will tell you that it's not necessary ... and cover those costs on his own. I think it's better to be prepared to cover the costs and then be pleasantly surprised if they don't need you to. Have you talked to your FH about his thoughts on it? Since they are close, he might be able to easily approach the pastor about it anyway.




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