What if I don't want a shower? (etiquette question!)
Posted 26 November 2007 - 01:10 PM
I have a potential problem that I'd like to solve before it's too late. I love my future in-laws, and really feel like their family is my family. But I don't necessarily love some of their traditions. My partner's sisters were the kinds of kids who grew up envisioning their weddings and bridal showers and bachelorette parties. I, on the other hand, was not. But both of his sisters were recently married, and went through the whole shower-throwing circuit. Now, his mom and sisters would like to throw me one. There's only one problem: I don't want one!!! I just don't like the attention (I hate everyone looking at me!), and we just don't need any presents.
We already have a house full of stuff. And another storage locker in another state full of yet-another houseful of stuff: furniture, dishes, glasses, you name it! The last thing we need is any more stuff, so we're not asking for any gifts: shower, wedding, or otherwise.
I understand that the tradition of throwing a bridal shower is important to them. I think it's incredibly sweet that they want to do it. And yes, it would be very easy to ask that attendees donate to a cause rather than buying gifts. But here's my other issue: I know that they don't really have the money to throw this shower. They went into debt paying for their other two daughters' weddings, and the least we can do is finance this one on our own. (Which is precisely what we're doing!)
I tried using the "all we want for presents is everyone's presence in Mexico" line. Didn't work. Now I don't know how else to convince them that we don't want this without saying that we don't want them to pay for anything. Any advice?
Posted 26 November 2007 - 01:24 PM
Also, some people will send gifts whether or not you have a shower so if you don't need anything, I would pick a charity and put it out there so people don't bombard you with stuff you can't store. Good luck!
Posted 26 November 2007 - 01:53 PM
She was disappointed, but understood.
Posted 26 November 2007 - 02:17 PM
maybe you can just suggest a very small lunche with you FMIL and FSILs? Then there won't be a ton of people paying attention to you but you have a nice chance to spend some quality time together. make it your own version of their tradition.
January 19, 2008
El Dorado Royale
Posted 26 November 2007 - 03:33 PM
Posted 26 November 2007 - 04:15 PM
Posted 26 November 2007 - 06:35 PM
Posted 26 November 2007 - 06:39 PM
I hope they listen and you get exactly what you are looking for.
Posted 26 November 2007 - 07:00 PM
but i like the idea of going to a nice restaurant - use all of the $$ the FMIL would spend on the shower to put toward a nice family meal - you two, the inlaws, your fam, even close friends, etc...the most important people in your lives...
go to per se and then i can live vicariously thru you
Posted 26 November 2007 - 07:32 PM
| Originally Posted by lauren c. |
i didn't want one either and my sister told me tough sh*t.
When my sister was pregnant with Gretchen, she told us she didn't want a baby shower and we told her "Tough Sh*t!!!" We ended up doing a small dessert party (no gift opening, invited just a few close friends, etc) and I think she was ok with it.
After I got engaged, I told my mom and sisters that I didn't want a shower and they said, "ok." They said it a little too relaxed for me. Makes me think they're still planning on doing something. So I followed it up by telling them I didn't want any surprises. And they were like, "ok." Again, too relaxed. So I finally just broke down crying to my mom and told her I didn't want a shower and the thought of it was stressing me out. She calmed me down and said, "Ok, it's your day - whatever you want." I hope that worked. I'm about 4 months away and no one has asked me for my invitation list - so that's a good sign.
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