etiquette for someone else's dw!

[katrina]

so the fiance and i are in a bit of a pickle.

 

friends of ours that we invited to our DW in mexico have just finished planning a destination wedding of their own. we're getting married in july, and two months before that they are getting married in northern ireland (where she's from) in may.

 

we would absolutely love to go and are going to try as hard as we possibly can, but we just don't kow if it's feasible!

 

we're paying for our wedding on our own. i'm only 23 and FI is 24 so we certainly don't make as much money as our friends (they're 30 and he's an engineer), our dollar is so crappy right now and not only that, may is going to be pretty hectic for us with our own wedding coming up.

 

they have very adamantly talked about how excited they are for our wedding and they can't wait... but we just don't know if we can go to theirs!!

 

is it terrible to decline someone else's destination wedding??

[foxytv]

Hopefully they will understand that your financial situation is different than theirs. Plus, Ireland is quite different (and more expensive) than the Caribbean. Hopefully they will understand if you can't swing it. I don't see why they wouldn't understand -- but you never know. I know if it were us, I think we would have to pass up a friends DW if it were shortly before ours -- unless one of us were part of the bridal party.

[1elephant]

we wouldn't be able to go, if we were invited a few months before...i'm thankful that our wedding is the next one we have to attend! have they booked for yours? they may not come to yours now, but they should understand.....

[Spazz]

I would say you shouldn't feel obligated to go and they should understand since your wedding is so soon after theirs. Personally, I would skip it unless it was one of my best friends.

[cheese_diva]

I'm sure they'll understand. We have a friend who's getting married (her second) and they were going to do hawaii but now Catalina (ca) so we may make that but if it was the month before instead of 8 months after, no way! Send them a gift and well wishes... believe me, you have so many people there and the day is so exciting you don't really think about who isn't there (unless they're super important or close family).

[boscobel]

I second what has been said above. Ireland is way more expensive then Jamaica and your wedding is less then 1 year away, how are you to save for your own wedding and then an additional trip to Ireland 2 months before? I think they should understnad the situation.

[starfish kate]

If it were me, I would totally understand if someone couldn't come to my wedding- especially if they were planning their own. I'm sure if you explain they will be fine with it.

[boscobel]

Also, I forgot to mention in my last post, our old roommate and his FI are planning a DW (only to DE, but still, it's a DW), for like 3 weeks after ours. We will be able to make it to theirs since spedning a weekend in DE isn't as expensive as going to Jamaica, but we have been very clear with him that we more then undersntad if they can't come to Jamaica. I mean, ours was being planned like 10 months before they made their plan, but still, I don't expect them to plan around me and I totally understood that their wedding should coem before ours in their lives. If that makes sense. We wnat them to come of course, but 3 weeks before their wedding? Who would have time or $ for that?

[katrina]

you are all so right... it just seems totally crazy to try and do this. don't get me wrong, i would love to go to a traditional irish wedding in ireland because to me, that's an amazing experience... but my own wedding is more important! still feel a tad guilty tho.