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Mom & Dad Walking Bride Down Aisle - Advice Please

2016 Brides Etiquette

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#31 TinkerSofi

TinkerSofi
  • Sr. Member
  • 2,217 posts
  • Wedding Date:August 13, 2015
  • Wedding Location:Azul Fives Playa del Carmen
  • LocationCanada

Posted 14 May 2015 - 07:52 AM

@TinkerSofi Thanks for your advice, the flower ceremony is a nice idea, I'll look more into it :)  I've tried to speak to her, it never goes over well.  It starts with me speaking, then she gets angry and picks parts of what I said to argue back about, then I sit there quietly until she's done her rant, and it ends.  Nothing resolved, because I can't get a word in, she thinks I'm being condescending and treating her like a child.  I try to speak really nicely and not raise my voice and she says I think I'm better than her... its a cycle.

 

I'm making her sound like a monster.  She has a really big heart and I love her, but can be very stubborn and sometimes hurtful.  My girlfriends know her and have promised to help me out.

 

I'm sure it will all be okay, just need to be positive :)  I actually fought back a couple tears writing these posts... this is definitely my biggest wedding stress and I can't believe how open I'm being on this forum.  Thanks ladies :)

We all have those moments when our parents get on our nerves a bit but it doesn't mean they're bad people. I had a couple of those last week where I felt like my mom was trying to take over the planning and I kind of lashed out at her a bit. It was mean from my part because she probably didn't even notice that she was doing it. I could have been nicer about it. 

 

Best of luck! At the end of the day I think the "who walks you down the aisle" is a big deal, and you should do what makes you happier, no matter who or how many people protest. However, it is easier said that done, especially when people guilt trip you or act like they're hurt for not doing what they want. 



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#32 ashhtayy

ashhtayy
  • Member
  • 607 posts
  • Wedding Date:June 7, 2016
  • Wedding Location:Azul Fives
  • LocationToronto, Canada

Posted 14 May 2015 - 07:54 AM

@deecol we're all here for you! take it one step at a time. at some point we just need to come to terms with the fact that our parents are who they are, and most times, there is no changing them. i'd love to tell my dad not to embarrass the hell out of me during his speech...but thats him...hes a story teller and loves to be the centre of attention. there is nothing i can say or do that will ever change that; trust me, i've tried for years. at the end of the day, i love him and i know he loves me. he isn't telling these horrifying stories to upset me, he is telling them because to him they are funny and have contributed to the person i am today (wish me luck lol)

 

it is what it is...or so they say. we are extremely lucky to have our parents with us on this very important journey (in whatever capacity that may be). lets just be thankful for that :)



#33 snswedding2016

snswedding2016
  • Member
  • 667 posts
  • Wedding Date:January 9, 2016
  • Wedding Location:Azul Fives
  • LocationToronto, Canada

Posted 14 May 2015 - 08:15 AM

@deecol I can totally relate to your situation with parent stress at your wedding, although our situations are very different I know how hard it can be dealing with this stuff. Even before getting engaged I have always feared the day I would decide to get married and trying to deal with the situation between my parents. I didn't grow up with my dad, we didn't live together or even have contact until I was 21 so until that point I didn't think I would even invite him to my wedding if I got married - he never took an interest in my life. After reconnecting I realized well there's no escaping it now, I'll have to deal with this at some point. I should be clear that I didn't reconnect with him because I wanted a relationship with him. I reconnected with him because I realized I was carrying a lot of anger and resentment towards him and that it was manifesting in my relationships with other men and I needed to deal with it. Telling my mom that I decided I needed to do this was the hardest thing I've ever had to tell her. I had to reassure her that I wasn't choosing him, that she raised me and he could never take that away from her. 

 

Fast forward to being engaged. My dad has taken a very male chauvinistic approach. He actually took my fiancé out one night (after we booked our wedding) without me to try and convince him out of doing a destination wedding. Seriously!?! I was so furious. I still invited him and his entire family - I didn't want to cause a scene and as my mom would say "make a big fuss" about it. Over time I accepted the idea of his family being there with my mom's family. I wasn't worried about my mom (she would be civil) but I wasn't sure how my other family members would react. Slowly all of my dad's family declined the invite to the wedding…like every single person except for him. I really started to stress out. The idea of him being there with no one to talk to or keep him occupied was making me panic. Finally I decided to have a conversation with him, I realized that maybe he might be feeling just as comfortable as I was but didn't know how to bring it up. I set up a lunch with him and was very nervous that he was going to fight me on it because that is generally my luck when it comes to issues with him (no ownership, acts like the child etc) but to my surprise he didn't feel uncomfortable but thought it might be weird that he was the only out of his side at the wedding. He decided not to come (he wanted to make sure I was ok with that though…needless to say I was relieved) and instead said he would throw a small reception for his side of the family after we get back from Mexico. I'm sure he'll parade me around to his friends like the proud father he never was but whatever I can deal with it. 

 

All of this venting (wow this forum really does make you open up) is to say that I think having a conversation with your mom would be a good idea. You don't want that added stress while you're on your wedding week so even though it may be hard now to have the conversation you'll feel better once you get it all out and in the open. 

 

Sending you lots of good vibes! I know this part of the planning is never easy. 


Edited by snswedding2016, 14 May 2015 - 08:22 AM.

My planning thread - http://www.bestdesti...016-azul-fives/

 

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#34 deecol

deecol
  • Member
  • 787 posts
  • Wedding Date:April 30, 2016
  • Wedding Location:Grand Bahia Principe Coba, Riviera Maya, Mexico
  • LocationToronto, Canada

Posted 14 May 2015 - 10:18 AM

@TinkerSofi @ashhtayy Thank you so much for all your support :) 

 

@snswedding2016 I'm so happy to hear it's all worked out for you :)  I will try to speak to my mom again, even though it's like talking to a wall.

 

Will keep you ladies posted.

 

Thanks again!!! xo



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My Planning Thread:

http://www.bestdesti...6/#entry1904529






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