Chair In Memory Of Mother

[acw271011]

This might sound cliché but in spite of what I said earlier, in some ways it does get better with time. Maybe because for me it has been since 1973, and because of the age I am now, I can think of my mom a lot more with a smile rather than a tear. I think I'm much more mellow about it now. They say things happen for a reason, but every now and then I still question what the reason was for my mom to be taken at age 41 leaving my dad with 3 kids to raise on his own.

 

Oh my goodness - now I'm making my self tear up! I'm very surprised at the number of you that have also lost their mom. For a long time I really thought it was a unique situation for us, but I realize now that its more common than I realized. Hugs to all of you and even more so to the ladies for whom the loss has been much more recent.

 

Ok - happy thoughts now!! This is a wedding board! You're all getting married (or almost all of you! lol) and moving on to what will hopefully be a wonderfully happy time in your lives! It just goes to show you how resilient we are that we can move forward in spite of such a painful loss and find happiness!!

 

All the best to all of you!!

[beckys98]

I'm just seeing this thread and wanted to also add ***BIG HUGS*** to everyone.

 

Last February I lost my mom (2 months after we got engaged) and then my fiance lost his grandma, who solely raised him, in April. I would also like to recognize them and like all the ideas shared! I would love to use a wedding picture of my mom, but they are all with my dad and I think my stepmom would be uncomfortable with that. But I think we'll do an empty chair on either side of the aisle with a lantern/candle.

 

My aunt and my mom were very close and looked so much alike - my aunt will be there but it is almost hard to see/talk to her because of how similar she looks and acts to my mom! It means the world that she will be there and she helps keep my mom's memory alive and close, but it is very bittersweet. I know my wedding day will be especially hard and I'm trying to prepare myself to embrace it.

[jeffandrobyn]

Unfortunately I'm in the same crappy club as you - lost my mom. Personally, I find ghost chairs depressing and won't do one. It would make me cry. 

 

I cut a piece of my mom's wedding dress and am having it sewn to the inside of mine. I also bought one of those teeny picture frames that attach to your bouquet and will put a picture of my mom in there (you can buy them for about $10 on etsy). I also had a diamond pendant of my mom's reset and the first time I wear it will be at our wedding. 

 

It's very nice of you to be concerned about your dad's wife but honestly, you should do what's best for you. I'm sure your stepmother understands this is difficult for you and is respectful of your mom. If it were me I'd put the chair right up front. That's where your mom would be sitting. 

[beckys98]

@@jeffandrobyn - My fiance and I talked about it and he felt strongly that he doesn't want to do the empty chair/memorial table or a formal mention of it in the wedding ceremony for the reason you stated - he thinks it is just too sad. We'll both mention our mom/grandma in a few remarks at the wedding.

 

My mom had a lot of nice jewelry that, unfortunately, was all stolen from her house shortly before she passed away. I thought of doing a bouquet charm, and I might still, but since I'll only carry that for about 15 minutes that isn't my first choice. I'm thinking of purchasing a ring with her birthstone to wear instead, which of course I can wear afterward as well. Her birthstone is peridot so it is a little unique

[jeffandrobyn]

@@beckys98 I love the birthstone idea! So nice. Do you like the idea of sewing a piece of her dress inside of yours? Then it's like a secret just between the two of you because nobody else sees it. That's the one I'm most excited about doing. 

 

I'm sorry to hear her jewelry was stolen. That's terrible  

[beckys98]

Oh definitely! I think that is a beautiful idea and I would definitely do it if I had her dress. She will literally be close to you all day

 

@@beckys98 I love the birthstone idea! So nice. Do you like the idea of sewing a piece of her dress inside of yours? Then it's like a secret just between the two of you because nobody else sees it. That's the one I'm most excited about doing. 

 

I'm sorry to hear her jewelry was stolen. That's terrible

[JJCB0418]

My father passed when I was 19 so my mom walked me down the aisle and I did a mother/daughter dance.  I had a single white rose on the first chair at the ceremony, where he would have sat and my mom sat next to it.  For my something new, my little sister gave me a bracelet with a locket engraved with "Always in My Heart" so I had his picture around my wrist the whole night.  I mentioned him in my vows, but not at the reception since I didn't want everyone crying all over again - including myself. 

 

My sister got married a couple of years ago and had a picture of him with white matting so people could sign around it (I'm pretty sure she used that as her guestbook).  It was on the table where people got their seating cards so everyone saw it right away.  In lieu of favors she made a donation on everyone's behalf to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society so everyone got awareness wristbands.  I thought that was also a great way to honor our dad.

 

I think it's a matter of preference, but if you did something like a slide show or video or something I'd recommend informing your relatives so nobody is caught off guard.  My cousin got married earlier this year and had a slide show and my dad and aunt were included.  He told me and my siblings so that we'd be emotionally prepared and I think we all appreciated that.