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More Mil Drama.. It Never Ends!


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#11 Mrsktobe

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Posted 31 March 2015 - 09:34 AM

Sweetie - you married her son. For some moms, doesn't matter who it is, nothing will ever be good enough. It might just mean finding a happy medium somewhere along the way. There is one thing that I do want to say. Just a little piece of advice from an old lady. Try not to put your husband in the middle. You're his wife and she is his mother and it's a tough situation to be in. I know because I've been on the mother in law end of things. Pick your battles if you can, and try and understand how all of this might be making your husband feel. She just might be really jealous of you because you won her son's heart and that's sometimes a tough thing for some mom's to accept. I really can sympathize. You might never have any kind of easy relationship with his mom. Or it might just take a bit of time now that you're married. I can understand how frustrating it feels when it doesn't seem like you can do anything right for her, but usually there is something behind it, whether she never thought he would actually leave her, or she's lonely. Tough to know. She just might be the type of MIL that is going to be a royal pain in your behind for your entire married life!! lol If that's the case, heaven forbid, you and hubby will need to talk a lot about it and find a way that you both can cope.

 

Good luck!! When I read some of the things you ladies post here it really makes me stop and think sometimes. I have married kids so yes I'm a MIL and believe me, there are times I KNOW I've been the MIL from the hot place! lol It's a tough spot to be in. These chicks came along and took my boys away. I got grandkids out of the deal but I don't see or hear from my boys the way I did before. It's hard. Hang in there. Sooner or later, we do come around!

+1 on the not putting him in the middle. I try to remember that every time she causes drama that being in the middle sucks and I don't want to put him in that position. I know I hate being in the middle. I made him talk to her this time about it though because it's got to the point where she is blatantly name calling, accusing me of things (which my husband knows are not true) and talking badly behind my back on things that she is making up. Oh and sending me rude text messages during work hours. She did this during the wedding process and engagement period too but I let it slide as we were going to spend two weeks in Mexico with her. I even went to counseling on my own to talk to someone as she was causing me so much stress.

 

During the wedding time in Mexico she caused so much shit, even the night before the wedding - I ended up crying in my room the night before getting married as she was causing drama. The day of she blatantly named called me behind my back and accused me of doing shit. ON THE DAY OF MY WEDDING. And I let it slide. Even when she was off in jungle getting stoned. So letting it slide this time was not an option. 

 

This woman was so good for 8/9 years we dated and as soon as we moved 3 hours away and got engaged she started acting like this. The crappy thing is she is a non-existent parent, only when it makes her look good, so it's super frustrating to have her be like this. Now she recruiting her sister to blast me (which they are doing on FB in a round about way) which is hurtful.

 

I'm lucky in that my husband is very very aware of how is family is and has my back 100%. I haven't retaliated or done anything so pretty much all that she is doing is making her look bad. It's just he tries to stand up to her and she cries like a little child and throws a tantrum - even yelled at her son on the phone last week because he was refusing to change the photo book (which we now changed).

 

UGHHH. I told my husband that from now on, I am not talking with her. Which he understands and is fine with. I just can't do it anymore. I have so many good thinks to be thankful for and an amazing husband and I just can't deal with the stress and anxiety this lady causes. 


Oh and on the coping side - we have discussed it and we are putting distance between us and her after the at home wedding reception. Thank god. I am lucky I have his support, I'll say it again and again, very lucky.

 

It just makes me sad that this woman is being this way, when I have done nothing to deserve it. My husband says she has always been this way and that's why alot of her family doesn't talk to her and everyone excuses her behavior because she is difficult but it's not right. I'm not the person to call her out on this but it's complete BULLSH*T in my books. She has essentially tainted a very important time for him and I and feels no remorse at all. 

 

Maybe she will wear her white dress again to the AHR. Just saying.

 

Thanks for listening ladies. I've been losing a lot of sleep over this. It' just makes me so sad.


Oh for those girls on here who say they are the moms of boys - I don't think anyone could EVER be like this woman. it's one thing to be difficult on some issues, I know I would be one day if I have boys but to go completely off the deep end - this is worse than that J-Lo movie.



#12 veryvalentine

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Posted 31 March 2015 - 10:19 AM

So sorry that you have had to experience this on your wedding day especially.  I hope things go smoother with the AHR.  The best is that you and your husband are on the same page.  It speaks volumes about her that she is not able to maintain a lot of her relationships with other family members.  



 
 
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#13 acw271011

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Posted 31 March 2015 - 12:49 PM

+1 on the not putting him in the middle. I try to remember that every time she causes drama that being in the middle sucks and I don't want to put him in that position. I know I hate being in the middle. I made him talk to her this time about it though because it's got to the point where she is blatantly name calling, accusing me of things (which my husband knows are not true) and talking badly behind my back on things that she is making up. Oh and sending me rude text messages during work hours. She did this during the wedding process and engagement period too but I let it slide as we were going to spend two weeks in Mexico with her. I even went to counseling on my own to talk to someone as she was causing me so much stress.

During the wedding time in Mexico she caused so much shit, even the night before the wedding - I ended up crying in my room the night before getting married as she was causing drama. The day of she blatantly named called me behind my back and accused me of doing shit. ON THE DAY OF MY WEDDING. And I let it slide. Even when she was off in jungle getting stoned. So letting it slide this time was not an option.

This woman was so good for 8/9 years we dated and as soon as we moved 3 hours away and got engaged she started acting like this. The crappy thing is she is a non-existent parent, only when it makes her look good, so it's super frustrating to have her be like this. Now she recruiting her sister to blast me (which they are doing on FB in a round about way) which is hurtful.

I'm lucky in that my husband is very very aware of how is family is and has my back 100%. I haven't retaliated or done anything so pretty much all that she is doing is making her look bad. It's just he tries to stand up to her and she cries like a little child and throws a tantrum - even yelled at her son on the phone last week because he was refusing to change the photo book (which we now changed).

UGHHH. I told my husband that from now on, I am not talking with her. Which he understands and is fine with. I just can't do it anymore. I have so many good thinks to be thankful for and an amazing husband and I just can't deal with the stress and anxiety this lady causes.

Oh and on the coping side - we have discussed it and we are putting distance between us and her after the at home wedding reception. Thank god. I am lucky I have his support, I'll say it again and again, very lucky.

It just makes me sad that this woman is being this way, when I have done nothing to deserve it. My husband says she has always been this way and that's why alot of her family doesn't talk to her and everyone excuses her behavior because she is difficult but it's not right. I'm not the person to call her out on this but it's complete BULLSH*T in my books. She has essentially tainted a very important time for him and I and feels no remorse at all.

Maybe she will wear her white dress again to the AHR. Just saying.

Thanks for listening ladies. I've been losing a lot of sleep over this. It' just makes me so sad.

Oh for those girls on here who say they are the moms of boys - I don't think anyone could EVER be like this woman. it's one thing to be difficult on some issues, I know I would be one day if I have boys but to go completely off the deep end - this is worse than that J-Lo movie.

Oh my god I loved that movie!!!! Cuz I swore that there was no way I would put my boys through things that bad! Please know I wasn't trying to criticize. She definitely sounds like the MIL from you know where and I can absolutely with full honesty say I have NOT been that bad although there are times...... lol But that's another story. By all means if you and hubby are on the same page and you have his full support that is as it should be and his mom will just have to get on with life. tell her from me there is positively life after children and it can be one heck of a good one!!!

Good luck to both of you. Sounds like you're well on you way to handling in the way that works for you both and that's what counts. But don't let it get to you. She will find out that what goes around comes around and sooner or later it will come back to her. Hugs!

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#14 Mrsktobe

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Posted 31 March 2015 - 01:01 PM

Oh my god I loved that movie!!!! Cuz I swore that there was no way I would put my boys through things that bad! Please know I wasn't trying to criticize. She definitely sounds like the MIL from you know where and I can absolutely with full honesty say I have NOT been that bad although there are times...... lol But that's another story. By all means if you and hubby are on the same page and you have his full support that is as it should be and his mom will just have to get on with life. tell her from me there is positively life after children and it can be one heck of a good one!!!

Good luck to both of you. Sounds like you're well on you way to handling in the way that works for you both and that's what counts. But don't let it get to you. She will find out that what goes around comes around and sooner or later it will come back to her. Hugs!

Thanks :) My husband and I are headed to Jamaica for our delayed honeymoon next week (since the one that was after the destination wedding turned out SO well - family drama with you know who) right before our at home reception which is on April 18th. So it will be nice to get away and just relax - I didn't get why he wanted to leave right before the AHR but now I get it. 



#15 TinkerSofi

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Posted 31 March 2015 - 01:05 PM

It does really sound like this woman is one piece of work. Name calling is where I draw the line at least. It's one thing to be difficult, to be kinda jealous but you shouldn't be putting others down. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this and the stuff you had to put up with during your wedding, but I'm glad that your hubby has your back and that you guys are working through this together.

 

My only advice to get you through your AHR, aside from maybe putting her in her place, don't reward her behaviour. If she gets her way every time she throws a tantrum, then she'll probably keep doing it. Yeah, she'll yell, swear, call you names, etc. but she'll really just be wasting her energy unless you give in. She's no more than a bully, and if I learned anything from my time being bullied, poker face is the way to go ;)

 

It's tough, but hang in there! It's almost over :)



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#16 calgarybride2015

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Posted 31 March 2015 - 04:16 PM

Hugs. All I can say is you get props for keeping your cool. I would have lost it. I agree with TinkerSofi, she is getting what she wants so unless you cut her off it won't end. A great parenting tactic for when you have kids too -- they will scream and yell and cry until you give in and let them have ice cream.... But stick to your guns and it stops when you say no the first (or maybe second) time.

I'm dumbfounded that you had to deal with all this. Enjoy Jamaica you certainly deserve it!!!


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Edited by calgarybride2015, 31 March 2015 - 04:17 PM.

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#17 IzzyDeee

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Posted 31 March 2015 - 04:22 PM

People can be just absurd about their expectations it seems! I'm glad your husband is very understanding about it all (would be 10x harder if he wasn't!), as long as you take a stand and say how things are going to be without letting her have a say about the final product you should be able to avoid half the nuisance at least . At least these experiences will help you in the long run for dealing with children (since she is acting like one herself!)

Enjoy Jamaica; have a few drinks and bury your worries in the sand! @Mrsktobe


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#18 Mrsktobe

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Posted 01 April 2015 - 07:59 AM

Thanks ladies - I really appreciate the advice and the listening - especially since you have listened to me in the past with the family drama prior to the wedding!  

 

I cannot wait for Jamaica and I am really looking forward to just forgetting about this all for a week - and then preparing myself for April 18th. At least I will be relaxed when dealing with her - which is good for her. I'll let you guys know how it goes.



#19 veryvalentine

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Posted 01 April 2015 - 09:34 AM

Enjoy your time in Jamaica.  I agree with the other ladies as well.  Do not reward her behaviour.  I think she will at first have a hard time adjusting since she's used to getting her way eventually.  Hopefully after the AHR you won't have to deal with her much for a while.  



 
 
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#20 dreamweddings

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    Posted 01 April 2015 - 10:34 AM

    Remember my lovely Mother in law who created and started so much drama with the wedding?  She is back at it again. We are having our at home reception here in a few weeks and I created a wedding album to display at the at home reception so people could flip through it and see pictures. When I was done it, I sent it to my mom and her, as a COURTESY - just to make sure they were happy with the photos in it. My mom asked if I could switch out a few but was really nice about it - it was more of, hey my hair looks bad, can you switch the photos out.

     

    However, mother in law texted me Tuesday, Wednesday and then cried to her son about the book all last week because she was upset that I included pictures of my husband dancing with his godmother (which is her sister and yes they get along) in the book and that I didn't have enough photos of HER family (I did and counted them - it was half and half and very fair). Also she started in on that I didn't get any photos of richard's brother and his fiance alone with us (we didn't have alone pictures with us and the siblings as the sun was setting and we literally had 25 minutes to get photos) Like what the hell - she could of asked for the photos in Mexico at the wedding?????

     

    Anyways, after crying to my husband about it and making a huge deal, I had to change out one page (I refused to change any of the other pages. screw her) and order ANOTHER book (which my husband paid for) to appease her.

     

    Pretty much I'm just sick of this bullsh*t with her. Why does this lady have to make my life miserable?? ARGHH!!!

    Ah MrsK,

     

    Hang in the honey, she will come around. bottom line you and hubby are in love and happy!   great advice from acw271011.  stay calm!  whatever you do please dont put you hubby in the middle of it.  take it one day at the time.

     

    I am sure everything will turn out well at your ¨at home reception¨.

     

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