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Question About Best Man and his Wife Hosting our "Couples Shower"


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#1 foxytv

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    Posted 07 November 2007 - 12:42 PM

    Tom's Best Man's wife has asked if they can host a couples shower for us. Of course I said yes. And none of my BM's have even asked or offered (my MOH and 2 BM's (sisters) don't live locally -- but 2 BM's do).

    My question is about the guest list. Do we just let them invite whoever they want or do we give them a guest list based on our invitations list? He and Tom are old fraternity brothers, so alot of his friends/frat brothers aren't on the actual guest list.

    And how do I make sure that my friends are included -- or do I? Since they are hosting it, do I just let them invite who they want?

    It's not 'til February, so perhaps they will as for a guest list. I'm not particularly close with the wife, so I'm not comfortable bringing it up to her -- and I am not sure of the proper etiquette on this...

    #2 Alyssa

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      Posted 07 November 2007 - 12:56 PM

      Tami - i have always been of the school that eveyone that is invited to the wedding is invited to the main events - i think you and Tom need to find out if their intention is to host a 'wedding event' shower or a friends shower (being the friends you have in common?)

      i would have the guest / address list for the wedding ready and attach to a conversational email and not make it to formal?

      #3 boscobel

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        Posted 07 November 2007 - 12:59 PM

        I second exactly what Alyssa said. Perhaps they want to host a party for you for their group of friends, which is great. If that is the case, then your BM's would probably need to do something for you actual wedding shower.

        #4 foxytv

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          Posted 07 November 2007 - 01:05 PM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Mrs.B 2008
          Tami - i have always been of the school that eveyone that is invited to the wedding is invited to the main events - i think you and Tom need to find out if their intention is to host a 'wedding event' shower or a friends shower (being the friends you have in common?)

          i would have the guest / address list for the wedding ready and attach to a conversational email and not make it to formal?
          Quote:
          Originally Posted by carlymcmullen
          I second exactly what Alyssa said. Perhaps they want to host a party for you for their group of friends, which is great. If that is the case, then your BM's would probably need to do something for you actual wedding shower.
          So, it's okay if this is a shower/party for mainly Tom's friends? I presume that is what they are planning.

          Either way, should the bridal party be invited to everything, or is that up to the Host/Hostess as well?

          I've been a BM before, but evidently not a very good one, b/c I don't know how all this is supposed to work. lol.

          #5 Alyssa

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            Posted 07 November 2007 - 01:08 PM

            i would just ask BM and his wife what they had in mind - "were they thinking of making this the main shower and inviting the guest list from the wedding or did they want to do a wedding party and friends in common party?"

            i def think the wedding party and parents should be included no matter what. and my opinion for your specific situation is that everyone should be invited (because you have a big guest list and A LOT of guests traveling!)

            #6 boscobel

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              Posted 07 November 2007 - 01:08 PM

              Hmmm, see the hard part there is that if people are invited to multiple functions, they think they need to bring gifts to each one, even if specifically told not to. I think if his friends are offering to do a shower for their specific group of friends, you don't have to invite the BM's, unless you want them there also. But they could come as guests. I don't know what the "etiquette" is, except to say that tradition and etiquette go out the window with everything about a DW!

              I have heard lots of times how people have various showers - the weddign shower, the work shower, etc. I would jsut clarify what these people are offering and then go from there.

              #7 foxytv

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                Posted 07 November 2007 - 01:19 PM

                Thank you ladies. I think you are right.

                I think the hard part is I am a little bummed b/c none of my girlfriends has even mentioned having a shower for me/us -- nor has my family or Tom's family/friends. I guess this is to be expected with a DW, and since everyone lives spread out, but nonetheless, it does kind of hurt my feelings.

                Not that I want gifts, b/c we don't even need anything, but mainly because I don't feel like Tom and I ever really got to 'celebrate' our engagement with each other or others (since he left for Iraq a week after we got engaged).

                We are going to visit my family for Thanksgiving and Christmas, so I thought perhaps someone would do something for us then, but no one is.

                My BM's are planning my bachelorette party for March, which will be AWESOME ... so guess I am being a little selfish.

                #8 boscobel

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                  Posted 07 November 2007 - 01:24 PM

                  Well you never know, Tami, cuz showers are usually surprises. I don't think anything should happen differently b/c you are having a DW. Do you think they are planning it and you just dont know?

                  I realize it isn't about the gifts, but the thing is peopl ehave showers for weddings. No matter wher eyou are getting married, you are still getting married! I think a shower would be expected unless you specifically said otherwise.

                  #9 foxytv

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                    Posted 07 November 2007 - 01:32 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by carlymcmullen
                    Well you never know, Tami, cuz showers are usually surprises. I don't think anything should happen differently b/c you are having a DW. Do you think they are planning it and you just dont know?

                    I realize it isn't about the gifts, but the thing is peopl ehave showers for weddings. No matter wher eyou are getting married, you are still getting married! I think a shower would be expected unless you specifically said otherwise.
                    Maybe that's it and I'm overanalyzing.

                    I'm home sick today, and Tom's been out of town all week, so I think I have the "woe is me" blues.

                    #10 boscobel

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                      Posted 07 November 2007 - 01:35 PM

                      I totally understand about the over-analyzing! [wink]




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