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jeffandrobyn

Up In The Air About Bridal Party Situation

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Unfortunately my MOH/best friend can no longer come to my wedding because of money. I was heartbroken. The other girls in my BP are my fiance's sister and sister in law, neither of which I'm truly friends with and I wanted one of my own friends up there. I explained the situation to another friend - who would've been in the BP had it not been for my fiance's sister and sister in law - and asked if she would step in. She was thrilled.

 

Now my MOH who is not coming is still doing all of the MOH things at home. I kind of feel like she is still MOH even though she won't be there on my wedding day. (I know she can't be MOH and not be there really) but I never talked to my friend who is stepping in about anything besides a dress. My fiancé is saying that I should say something to her about making a speech but I don't know. Isn't it weird to ask her to do that when she's in the BP by default essentially? What do I call her - MOH or BM? It just isn't going to sound right when the DJ calls up the MOH for a speech when the MOH in my head isn't there but then again it is also weird to have a speech come from my fiance's side but not mine.

 

How do I handle?

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She can still be your MOH. You just have two and one can't come :) I think she still should have all the MOH roles in Mexico and she should still be allowed to be involved back home (if she chooses, I know some enjoy a more hands off role). It's ok for 2!!!!! Glad she stepped in.

 

Ps - sorry your other MOH can't come but still wants to be involved at home!!

 

 

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Edited by calgarybride2015
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Sorry to hear that your MOH isn't able to make it. I'd solve this problem by having two MOH's.. it's actually not uncommon either :)

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I'm sorry to hear about your first MOH but I'm glad you found someone to step in her place. I don't think there's anything wrong with having two of them. I am! They're both coming to Mexico, but either way, each one has different jobs which are just as important and it would be the same in your case.

 

Maybe talk with the new MOH and ask her what she's comfortable with. Maybe she doesn't want to do a speech. Or she might want to be involved in everything as if she had been there since the beginning. Either way I think it would be better and less awkward if you are both aware of each other's expectations :)

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I'm sorry to hear about your MOH but happy to hear you have another good friend willing to step into the role. I agree with the other ladies - have them both as MOH. I'm having two as well. They can have different responsibilities and it may also help to have two as MOH - I'm finding that my Maids of Honour like that there is someone else to share in the MOH duties.  :)

 

I have a bridal party issue as well. I'm now dealing with one of my bridesmaids who is really excited to be a BM but hasn't committed to the wedding because she is trying to get pregnant later this year. She wants to make sure she is cleared by her doctor before she puts down her deposit. So she's going to book very last minute. I'm struggling with whether or not to keep her as a BM. I understand she can't commit at this point but I don't think she should accept being a BM if she doesn't even know if she's coming to the wedding. 

Edited by snswedding2016

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I'm sorry to hear about your MOH but happy to hear you have another good friend willing to step into the role. I agree with the other ladies - have them both as MOH. I'm having two as well. They can have different responsibilities and it may also help to have two as MOH - I'm finding that my Maids of Honour like that there is someone else to share in the MOH duties. :)

 

I have a bridal party issue as well. I'm now dealing with one of my bridesmaids who is really excited to be a BM but hasn't committed to the wedding because she is trying to get pregnant later this year. She wants to make sure she is cleared by her doctor before she puts down her deposit. So she's going to book very last minute. I'm struggling with whether or not to keep her as a BM. I understand she can't commit at this point but I don't think she should accept being a BM if she doesn't even know if she's coming to the wedding.

I totally agree with you. It's a tough situation. She's accepted to be involved but can't commit until the last minute -- how does dress ordering and stuff work? You know? Some of those things can't wait until the last minute unless your 'step in' BM is the same size.

 

Tough call. I'd probably have a sensitive conversation with her and just say for the reasons of x and y (ie dresses or what not) you need a firm answer by this date. I totally think that's fair and I believe she would agree.

 

Good luck.

 

 

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Thanks @@calgarybride2015 that's great advice! It certainly makes things tougher to plan around. At least in the dress department we're ok - I'm letting my BM's choose their own dress as long as it is in the colour palette. I do want to start ordering gifts etc for the bridal party and I don't really want to waste money if she ends up not coming. I think you're right that I need to set a date for when I need an answer…just trying to figure out when to make that cut off date.

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