Babies on the Brain...Discussion topic...
Posted 07 November 2007 - 05:09 PM
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Posted 07 November 2007 - 05:43 PM
It's also a little scary because yes, you spend so much time taking bc pills and trying not to get pregnant, that when it's time to start trying you really have no idea how long it will take or if there will be complications or road blocks.
Posted 07 November 2007 - 05:51 PM
I went to nursing school, got divorced, and started dating Jeff. During that 5 year period most of my friends got married, started having kids, etc. I didn't want to be like them. I didn't want to be tied down to children and not be able to come and go as I pleased. I didn't want to think of my career being disrupted by a family in any way. Jeff & I went into this marriage unsure if we would ever have children. We both kinda felt the same way about it: kids are great for some people, just maybe not for us. We have 4 nephews from hell, and for awhile those were the only kids we had a ton of exposure to. This further cemented the "no kids" plan for us. Also, I had a dysfunctional family growing up and the thought of having kids and treating them like my mother treated me was quite the deterrent to childbearing. Add all that on to the fact that I'm a Labor & Delivery nurse and although I witness some wonderful families having children, I also witness the continual flow of teenagers and druggies and low-lifes having their 8th kid on government assistance and just became very jaded toward children in general.
And then we got married.
We both really did a lot of soul searching this summer. He was starting to talk about kids- wanting them. I was talking about kids- wanting a radical hysterectomy! I contemplated a career change, contemplated many different things in my life- all the while telling myself that I just wasn't cut out to be a mom, not interested in children. We decided to shelf the childbearing discussion and just see where life took us.
We always have spent a lot of time with my niece who is now 2 1/2, but this summer we spent more time with her. Just seeing the love my brother & SIL have for her, and how much fun she is to be around kinda began to renew the baby topic. Slowly, things began to change. I began to LIKE the babies at work instead of hate them. I began to see babies on tv and instead of disgust feel kinda a gnawing ache- like I was missing out on something. I don't know when the exact turning point was, but a couple months ago Jeff & I renewed the baby discussion and were both I think surprised to find that the other person was warming up to the idea.
Now, we have total baby fever. We're still not TTC yet, but I think it will be soon. We would like to pay off a little more debt first. However, even if it happened right now we would be beyond ecstatic.
What changed? I'm not sure except that I think being married to Jeff and, I know it sounds cheesy, but I just feel like our relationship is so wonderful that a child would only add to that. I love him so much and know how much he wants to be a father that it actually excites me to think that I'm the person that will give him that opportunity. We feel like such a team together and that adding a child is just the "right" next step in our life's journey. Hmm...had I read this a couple months ago I'd ask what drugs you gave me! But, now, I'm excited.
Whew that was long! So, you girls that aren't sure about the baby thing- give it time. And if you decide children aren't in your future, that's absolutely ok. Not everyone is cut out to raise children- I was at one time convinced that I was one of those people and I've done a total 180. Don't stress about it. Take some time to enjoy your husband and your new relationship and see what happens. Maybe you'll get bit by the baby bug, maybe not. One thing is for sure- don't drink the BDW water! lol
Posted 07 November 2007 - 05:59 PM
Posted 07 November 2007 - 06:11 PM
| Originally Posted by carlymcmullen |
Sarah, you are always so eloquent! I love reading your posts sometimes.
Aww thanks Carly. I'm not sure about eloquent, but wordy would definitely apply! lol
Posted 07 November 2007 - 06:22 PM
FI is so ready for babies. I think he would probably want to start one the wedding night. I, on the other hand, want to have a few married years under the belt. I want to enjoy our freedom as a newly married couple. However, I'm 27 and he's 31. Although we are getting up there in age, I don't feel mature enough. It sounds crazy, but when I think of all the responsibilities children bring, it freaks me out a bit.
I'm hoping everyone is right (ie mom, friends, grandma). When the baby comes your natural instincts kick in. Your own kid won't annoy you as much as the stranger's do. You may still gag at smells but it will be ok because it's your own child. You will learn to be patient because that's the only way to survive and remain sane.
I REALLY hope they are right.
Posted 07 November 2007 - 07:19 PM
| Originally Posted by AnnR |
There are all kinds on here - some that never want children, some that didn't think they did but now do, some that do but just not yet, and some that have always known they wanted children. All very honorable choices, it's a very personal decision. I have a ton of respect for people that choose not to have kids.
I have always known I wanted children - badly - I have always wanted a family, and couldn't wait until the time was right. I was always the neighborhood babysitter, and everyone knows that when there is a baby or child in hte room, I am more likely to spend them with them than the adults. It's a sickness, really. lol
While I always knew I wanted them, I didn't get married just so I could have babies. I wanted to wait until the time was right. I've always said that there's a difference between wanting a baby, and wanting to be a mother - at least there is to me. I've always "wanted a baby" but I am now ready to be a mother.
But my situation is a little different - I was married before, and had that worked out I'd probably have at least 2 kids by now. I was ready a little while ago. But I am 33, will be 34 in January, and am just ready now. And I don't think most people should really worry about it at that age - but my diabetes makes it a lot more complicated - I am already a high-risk pregnancy. All of his siblings didn't have kids until their late 30s or 40s. And yes, that did come into play when deciding to have kids now rather than wait a year. But really, Paul and I are ready to make a family. He's also always known he wanted to be a father - so we're a good match!
I have no idea if what I said makes any sense - it was more of a brain dump!
it's crazy how much can change in an hour!
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Posted 07 November 2007 - 08:26 PM
| Originally Posted by AnnR |
it's crazy how much can change in an hour!
Posted 07 November 2007 - 08:40 PM
BTW - I love this forum. You ladies are truly the best, and its comforting to hear everyone's thoughts on the subject and different takes on it.
Posted 07 November 2007 - 09:13 PM
I was always the one who never wanted kids, I just wasn't comfortable with them and had no urge to be a mom. Then, my nephews started being born and that changed everything for me! My little sister had my godson when she was 16 and he is my whole world. Being there from day one and living with Josh and helping to raise him made me want to have my own. Since then I've had 4 more nephews born and I seriously see at least one of them almost every other day.
Mike has also helped changed my mind about being a mom. He is soooo ready to be a dad. He's been ready for years. I joke sometimes that the only reason we're getting married is so we can have kids (because I refused to do so without being married).
So, I think we'll start trying almost right away. Mike is going to be 34 this weekend. I'm only 28, and I thought I'd wait til I was 30 to start trying, but I really don't think I want to.
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