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Losing My Patience

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#1 pjay

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Posted 19 March 2015 - 07:30 AM

Hey girls,

So I don't think i'm alone here, but lately i've felt so frustrated with some aspects of the planning stages and i'm really hoping that it will get better from here.

 

My guests have had three months to deposit ($50 per person) and we're in the last two weeks of deposits now. I feel like my Fiance hasn't really been holding up his end of the efforts by reaching out to his side of the guest list and reiterating the deposit due date.

I have been reminding my family and friends and so far it's all my side that has booked.. No one on his side has put their deposit down yet, but i've gotten RSVP from 90% of the friends/family on his side who have RSVP'd "YES".

 

My entire side of the bridal party has already put their deposit down, but not one of his friends have and I think it's the most disrespectful thing ever (maybe i'm being unreasonable, but I really don't think so). I feel like the bridal party should be some of the first people to put their deposit down. At this point it's caused a few arguements between my FI and I and i've just been a bit miserable the past few days.

 

I'm so annoyed right now and I really don't know how to calm my nerves about all of this.. i'd be much happier if I knew that some of his friends were for sure coming. I will be so hurt for him if they don't. I've even told them that I need them to put their deposits down so that I can purchase their attire.. still nothing. I feel so disrespected right now.


Edited by perianjay, 19 March 2015 - 07:30 AM.

 

My planning thread :
http://www.bestdesti...e/#entry1885631

 



 


#2 TinkerSofi

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Posted 19 March 2015 - 08:33 AM

I had a similar situation, not because my fiance didn't follow up with them, but because his side didn't put deposits down and then some came up with BS excuses as to why they wouldn't book with our group or they weren't coming. I did feel really bad for my fiance but unfortunately there is not much you can do in that respect other than to let people do what they need to do and for you to worry about you, your fiance and the people coming. We're both kind of over it now, but it was pretty hurtful when it happened. 

 

You still have two weeks and a lot of people might put their deposit down in the last 2 days, that's what happened to us, so not all is lost. I would talk to your fiance about how much stress this is causing you and if he could please follow up with his side of the guest list and remind them of the deadline. Some people honestly forget about it. We're get so wrapped up in our planning that it can be hard to imagine that the wedding is the last thing on people's mind and long to-do list. I think the main thing is to try and get your fiance to see things from your side. A lot of planning depends on the final amount of guests and it causes a lot of stress to have a huge chunk of them in the limbo. 

 

I found that my fiance has this really simple idea of what the planning entails so he doesn't understand the urgency of finalizing guests lists and things like that, and how soo many things depend on that. When you talk to them about it then they can get a more accurate picture of things. Once you're both on the same boat things are a lot easier to deal with ;)

 

Another thing, sometimes people think that all they need to do is RSVP and they're good to go. I thought we had made things clear but we needed to clarify with a lot of people since many were confused. 

 

Hang in there! I think this is the most frustrating part but it will pass. 


Edited by TinkerSofi, 19 March 2015 - 08:39 AM.


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#3 pjay

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Posted 19 March 2015 - 09:51 AM

@TinkerSofi Thanks for the advice. You're totally right. 

I did explain it to my FI, but him and I are so different sometimes. He has a VERY laid back approach and me..not so much. I'm sure we're going to have some last minute bookers, but it just frustrates me because it does make me hesitant to purchase certain things (ie. groomsmen attire etc)..


 

My planning thread :
http://www.bestdesti...e/#entry1885631

 



 


#4 TinkerSofi

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Posted 19 March 2015 - 10:19 AM

@TinkerSofi Thanks for the advice. You're totally right. 

I did explain it to my FI, but him and I are so different sometimes. He has a VERY laid back approach and me..not so much. I'm sure we're going to have some last minute bookers, but it just frustrates me because it does make me hesitant to purchase certain things (ie. groomsmen attire etc)..

Yeah, that always sucks because you don't want to waste the money but you also want them to have their outfits and match. Also, at least for us we want to try and spread costs as much as we can so we've been buying a few things every month. 

 

I bought my bridesmaids' dresses because I knew they were coming and they're both students so it was my way of helping them out. Same with my brother and I know he's coming :). For the groomsmen, I left it up to Juan whether he wants to pay for them or not. I'm waiting to get my brother's outfit so it matches the groomsmen. They haven't booked yet so we're going to try and push it as much as we can, but come May, if these guys are still on the fence they're out of the bridal party. It sounds drastic but at the end of the day we need to get things done and can't be waiting around for people to decide on things. Juan was pretty laid back about it too until I told him we had to pay for the final number of people in June and I wasn't interested in paying extra for the maybes. So we talked about it and thought it was reasonable to put May as the final deadline for last minute people. The guys have had since last June to decide.

 

Maybe talk to your fiance and set up a deadline for waiting for their groomsmen to book. Let them know about it so everyone is on the same page. Perhaps set the money aside for their outfits and I guess if you end up not using it I'm sure you'll find plenty of things to spend it on ;). It is hard to plan around unknowns, especially when the unknowns are part of the bridal party! I try to chill, but too much of a planner! 



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#5 Moments That Matter

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    Posted 19 March 2015 - 11:13 AM

    Sometimes it helps just to vent and also to hear about others in a very similar situation.  TinkerSofi had a good insight saying, "we're both kind of over it now......"

    It's often the case that while we're in the middle of a stressful time, it's a challenge to find perspective and see the "big picture". However, things have a way of working out, so take a big Exhale......breathe ....and know it's all going to be ok :)

     

    You're embarking on a remarkable life journey.....hang on and enjoy the ride. Wishing you all the best!!! team MTM :)

     

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    #6 JamaicaNicole

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    Posted 19 March 2015 - 11:48 AM

    I am having a similar situation also, its hard because I know it is a big commitment. But if they just put down money each month it is better then having to have to pay the whole thing all at once. I have 2 bridesmaids that are definitely coming my fiance is not sure about his which I feel really bad about. Especially since a lot of his friends are not even making an attempt. His one friend is getting married next month and my fiance has spent around $2k on his wedding between the bachelor party in vegas (they split the cost and paid for the groom), tux for the wedding, wedding shower, and wedding present (money in a card). Yet he can not save over 2 years to come to our wedding.     



    #7 kellymiller

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    Posted 19 March 2015 - 11:50 AM

    I agree with what has been said above. We all of our guests book within the last 2 weeks before the booking deadline, and even quite a few after the deadline! Luckily all my family booked before the deadline, but my husband's family were basically all waiting on the best man to book to make sure they were all able to travel together. That part was frustrating but we decided early on that  we weren't going to hound people to book. If people wanted to come they would book (or put a deposit down) and they would be there. Our wedding just passed and to be honest we didn't think about the people who weren't there, just the group we had!

     

    Don't worry, it will all work out sooner or later! :)



    #8 Meandhim

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    Posted 19 March 2015 - 11:50 AM

    Hey girls,

    So I don't think i'm alone here, but lately i've felt so frustrated with some aspects of the planning stages and i'm really hoping that it will get better from here.

     

    My guests have had three months to deposit ($50 per person) and we're in the last two weeks of deposits now. I feel like my Fiance hasn't really been holding up his end of the efforts by reaching out to his side of the guest list and reiterating the deposit due date.

    I have been reminding my family and friends and so far it's all my side that has booked.. No one on his side has put their deposit down yet, but i've gotten RSVP from 90% of the friends/family on his side who have RSVP'd "YES".

     

    My entire side of the bridal party has already put their deposit down, but not one of his friends have and I think it's the most disrespectful thing ever (maybe i'm being unreasonable, but I really don't think so). I feel like the bridal party should be some of the first people to put their deposit down. At this point it's caused a few arguements between my FI and I and i've just been a bit miserable the past few days.

     

    I'm so annoyed right now and I really don't know how to calm my nerves about all of this.. i'd be much happier if I knew that some of his friends were for sure coming. I will be so hurt for him if they don't. I've even told them that I need them to put their deposits down so that I can purchase their attire.. still nothing. I feel so disrespected right now.

     

    I felt the same way! I was miserable!  In my case no one put down a deposit until the last two DAYS of the deadline...only a few people RSVP'd! I was on edge! I made my FI text all of his side of the list...didn't make a difference...we ended up with 44 people going in the end and we still have 6 who are waiting on work things that make book later before our finial payment is due in Sept. 

     

    If I could do it again...My suggestion would be to wait out the two weeks...it's not worth the frustration to worry about it! Send your reminders in the last week and then that's all you can do. Don't regard it as a person dis, because it's not.  If you ask the girls on here this is the case most of the time! Not everyone is on the ball and most will wait for last minute not matter the price.

     

    Your wedding isn't until Mid December so you need to remember you have a TON of time...two weeks wont make a huge difference to anything. Keep yourself busy with other things...do make lists of what you need to buy, where to get it, etc. but focus on other things that don't require numbers...maybe figure out your music, draft up your programs, mock up a centre piece....whatever else you are planning.

     

    Don't worry about buying stuff until the booking deadline has past in 2 weeks and then you will have your final numbers or close enough to it at least! 

     

    Hope this helps!


     
    My Planning Thread - MeandHim - Grand Palladium Bavaro - Nov 25 2015
     
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    #9 pjay

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    Posted 19 March 2015 - 12:00 PM

    @JamaicaNicole See.. that's what frustrates me too! I feel like my fiance puts in a lot more effort into his friendships and doesn't get the same in return. He was the best man in a destination wedding a few years ago, now this guy isn't coming to our wedding after he already RSVP yes.. My fiance is really bothered by it because he paid an arm and a leg to goto this guys Disney World wedding..


    @Meandhim You're right.. I think i'm overreacting a little bit and I let these types of things stress me out because i'm an over-planner lol. I hate letting things fall into place.. I want to put them into place myself! haha


     

    My planning thread :
    http://www.bestdesti...e/#entry1885631

     



     


    #10 MissJen3

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    Posted 19 March 2015 - 12:06 PM

    I think we can all relate to you on this one! 

    Like many of the girls here, most of our guests (all but 10, we needed 10 to secure the date), booked in the final days, with one family booking almost a week after the deposit date. To be honest, we told a white lie to our guests and told them the deposit was due 3 days before the actual deposit date, and most of them booked on or around the 7th, and they thought that the deposit was due on the 9th. 

    Now we are dealing with people being under the assumption that if they book the week before we leave in November, they can be apart of the wedding festivities....ummm no! Last night my FIs friend was talking about people booking last minute for a deal, and how they could just join in the wedding once they got there. What!? NO! It is a regular wedding people!!  

    It was a very frustrating and stressful time in the wedding process, that is for sure. However, like many have already said, try not to worry too much. Send your emails/texts and so on, and then just let it go. Like someone mentioned earlier, we decided that we were not going to hound people. They all knew what was going on, book or dont book, we are still getting married. 







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