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pddcmc

Anyone Else Having Family Drama!?!?

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Long story, short: My mom and sister are squabbling about Lord knows what... It has been an ongoing thing since DECEMBER.

 

Anyway, my mother flew out this past week to visit the FI and I at our new home, as well as go to my dress fitting with me. Mom left Monday afternoon. I went to work on Tuesday and called her afterwards with the intent of getting a little reassurance about my wedding gown (at the fitting the seamstress made one of the layers a little too snug (or at least that is what she told me, maybe to make me feel better. who knows) and said she would let it out a little) - anyway, I am having several mini panics a day -- what if the gown is still too tight in Mexico because it is so flippin hot???, etc. But, moving on to my point... INSTEAD, she says to me, "your sister called me and the first thing she said was why are you whining to (pddcmc) about me not calling you back right away?" 

 

OK, WHAT? This irritated me quickly because:

1. she did not ask about the interaction I have had with my sister (if she had asked, she would have discovered that I simply sent my sister a text message stating, "Did you and mom ever catch up?" sister's response: "About what?", my response: "I don't know, she has said several times that she was waiting for you to call her because you told her not to call you again... that you were going to return her call when you had a moment.") Additionally, my sister has become notorious for not responding to people in a timely manner...so mom needs to get off her high horse and stop thinking it is a personal jab against her.

2. I have stayed out of their ongoing drama (refusing to hear any of it... again, for several reasons: 1. all three of us live in different states, 2. I am not a referee, and 3. they are adults - they can figure things out ---- OR SO I THOUGHT).

3. I just don't even have the energy to fit this uphill battle anymore. I am getting married in less than one month. I don't want to be stressed out over family drama or worrying about whether or not my family is going to ruin our wedding day, esp when I am worrying about finishing wedding stuff (alone) while the FI has several more out of state business trips before the wedding.

4. I LOVE my sister to death, but she has a BIG personality and tends to overshadow me sometimes, even though I am the eldest.... 

 

 

SO, I chose to write an email to both of them... I just hope I did the right thing and didn't make it worse...I posted the email below (I removed any personal details for safety reasons  ;))

 

Dear Mom and Sissy,

 
It has come to my attention that there is some ongoing discord between the two of you. I don't know if it is a misunderstanding, or something bigger than that. But, I am pleading with the both of you to work it out.
 
I want nothing more than beautiful, happy memories of my wedding day with my husband, my family and friends, and my new family. It is important to me that you are both a part of this event, and that we are all getting along. 
 
With that being said, I do want to gently remind all of us that April 17th is about the union of (FI) and I's relationship, thus I kindly request that all positive attention be given to us. It is the one day that I am requesting this. I do not want to discuss other family members or friends, what may or may not being going on with other people, how much so-and-so wishes they could have attended the wedding, etc. I know this sounds like a harsh request, but honestly, this is what is expected at any wedding and I believe that I deserve this, so I am asking aloud. I seldom speak up for myself, but this is so important to me that I have decided to say these things. Thank you in advance for hearing me out and agreeing to this request.
 
I know life happens and it is difficult for us (any of us) to get back to someone right away, but it is vital that we keep our relationship strong. Maybe instead of trying to call one another, maybe an email or some other means would work best? I don't know. All I know is that this family (mom, sissy, brother, and I) has been through a lot together, and we can't let little things get to us or threaten our relationship...and it seems like we all struggle with communication - whether it is actually reaching out, returning a call, or even putting into words what we actually mean rather than what we say. Please note that this email is not to either of you in particular, but a reminder for all of us to be gentle to one another and to try to see things my each other's point of view.
 
Additionally, I want you both to understand how stressed out I am at the moment. On top of planning a wedding, (FI) and I moved 1000's of miles away from family and friends AND we both started new jobs 3 months before our wedding. However, I know all of it will be worth it. I cannot wait to stand before family and friends and become (FI)'s wife. He is a wonderful man and just, wow. Anyway, back to my main point, I am very stressed. (FI) just got back from a business trip to (out of state) and has to go on another out of state business trip this week and the next week...so I am pretty much finishing any last planning on my own. Not to mention that I have planned nearly this entire wedding myself (which is fine. I understand that everyone has their own things going on and that we moved) and dealt with all the ridiculous stress that goes with it -- finances and budget, guests lists, reservations, making everyone happy, etc. As for the last stressor - at my dress fitting, the seamstress made my dress too tight underneath the lace and I am terrified that it is going to be too snug in Mexico, especially with the humidity. What I am getting at is - I would really like to TRY to enjoy this last month, and I do not think it is fair that I am/may be constantly worrying about my family getting along at our wedding. So, please, for the love of all that is good, please, work things out between the two of you.
 
With that being said, PLEASE DO NOT take offense to this email. My intent is not to hurt anyone's feelings or point any blame. These are simple requests that I feel must be expressed, for I fear that if I do not address my concerns, things will not be settled...or maybe things will get settled and I just worried myself sick. Either way, I have asked fairly little of the two of you during my entire wedding planning phase, so please oblige. 
 
Please let know how you guys feel, as I had stated above that we need open communication.
 
I love you both very much and we'll be seeing each other in less than one month! 
 
Much love,
 
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I think you've done what you can, now you need to let things be. Families are what families are and lots of times they aren't any fun. You've made your case and are sticking to your guns. Now the ball is in their court. Try not to stress about things you might not be able to control. When it comes right down to it, people usually will behave and get along for a wedding so I think you're ok on that score.

 

Try and take some de-stress time if you can before you go. Even if it's just a whole day's breather from wedding stuff. I would pester the bridal salon though until they fix your dress properly. That's something that is within your control so I would go with that.

 

In the end, it's you and FI that are the two most important people in all of this. You're marrying the man you love in a tropical paradise. It will all turn out just fine! Honest!

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@@pddcmc.....You have done the right thing and hopefully your family will realize this day is all about you!!!  I think we all have some type of family discord when important events are happening.  Everyone tends to be a bit stressed out!

 

My mother and I are at odds....why?  Because my parents don't have passports and they didn't want to fly.  I have been asking my mom to get her picture done and go to get the forms from the post office so they can get their passports but it is just a struggle.  So I have decided that if they make it fine, if not fine.......this is my second marriage, so my dad was able to walk me down the aisle the first time.  I am going to be 47 years old when I get married, so I can handle giving myself away.  ;)  :)

 

Everything is going to work out for you.....just keep thinking that your wedding is only a few weeks away and it is going to be perfect just like the love you have with your fiance'!!!!

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@@pddcmc.....You have done the right thing and hopefully your family will realize this day is all about you!!! I think we all have some type of family discord when important events are happening. Everyone tends to be a bit stressed out!

 

My mother and I are at odds....why? Because my parents don't have passports and they didn't want to fly. I have been asking my mom to get her picture done and go to get the forms from the post office so they can get their passports but it is just a struggle. So I have decided that if they make it fine, if not fine.......this is my second marriage, so my dad was able to walk me down the aisle the first time. I am going to be 47 years old when I get married, so I can handle giving myself away. ;) :)

 

Everything is going to work out for you.....just keep thinking that your wedding is only a few weeks away and it is going to be perfect just like the love you have with your fiance'!!!!

Well said! I'm with you and have been there done that. There's a certain calm I think that comes with age and a second time around. Good luck!
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