I know that I'm not the first to post about disappointment and I certainly won't be the last but I wanted to share my experience this weekend with you guys because you guys have been so supportive.
We are getting married in 3 months and our Officiant who is one my best friends for over 20 years let me know this past week that she will not be able to attend the wedding. We recently confirmed with the hotel that we wouldn't need any of their services with the Officiants etc etc and now we are starting all over from scratch.
She explained that money is a constraint for them and that they have 2 children and it's very difficult for them to travel. I do understand. We knew that not everyone could attend and we knew that this would be an issue for those who have children. We get it.
When we asked her to be an Officiant she said she would do anything and she would make it work. We were thrilled.
Since then I've heard rumblings from some of my BMs that she was going to book last minute because it didn't matter where her room was or which hotel she stayed at because she's not part of the bridal party so she's not important. I only heard about this in the last few days.
We asked her to be an Officiant because she's an amazing speaker, she's witnessed my life through good times and bad and we felt like she really believed in us as a couple.
We were so heartbroken when she told us that she couldn't come and it was because of money. So when I told my family about this they offered to pay for her and her husband to come. I told her this and she said that she still would have a hard time getting a sitter and it's just hard for her to come and she'd still need money to buy stuff etc etc. I get it. But at the same time, don't you just make it work for close friends? Don't you just say like, ok, one of us will go, I will make it work. She didn't even sound like apologetic on the phone. It was just like, can't go, it's a fact. Can't take your offer of help. They have two sets of grandparents that can take care of their kids and this was all arranged to work earlier on in the year. So now she's using them as an excuse that she doesn't know if they can sit.
In addition to this leaving a poor taste in my mouth, I just felt like maybe she felt like she wanted to be a bridesmaid instead of Officiant. I really thought Officiant would be a greater honour because not only is she standing up at our wedding, she's marrying us. She would be wearing a pretty dress just like the other girls but just taking more of a leadership role. It feels silly that I would have to make sure someone feels special enough on my wedding day. LIke that sounds crazy as I type it.
Well apparently not.
I called her after our convo and told her that I spoke with the hotel and they would allow us to use her even if she decided to change her mind last minute and I had ordered her a bridesmaid dress one shade lighter to compliment the bridesmaid look and that way it will look awesome when we get our pictures taken. She then responded that if she comes last minute she probably wouldn't want to be an officiant and that i was wasting my money with the dress because she prob can't come. Which is fine, but like do we really need to be difficult? I bought the convertible dress and if she can't make it, then I will keep it.
I feel like she's really not making an effort and just being childish by talking behind my back and saying that she's not included. How more included do you want to be? Do you want to be the bride? is that enough?
I ended up taking today off originally for us to meet up to work on the ceremony but then she cancelled on me and decided that I should really take this time and still try to get some wedding things done while i'm here visiting from out of town. I had already booked the day off and purchased a ticket so I couldn't cancel my day off. I cancelled on her last night and explained that i took the day off originally to get ahead with wedding things and that i was going to try to get my veil tomorrow with my sister. She was very passive aggressive and was like, "ok, fine, fine, have fun." 4 hours later she sent me a very short emailing telling me to "next time give her more notice because she was counting on me to be with her today"
I mean the obvious is that I wanted to say well I was counting on you to be our officiant...but it was ok for you to bail 3 months out.
I just wrote back saying apologies. Didn't mean to inconvenience you.
For me the friendship is over. Is this like an extreme reaction? I just feel like I really tried to help her out and make her feel included and even help out financially and her reaction is so negative. I mean would she even have fun? probably not.
I just want to hear from you ladies to see what you think! It's been a very difficult and disappointing day. This is someone that I didn't think would ever be this way.
Edited by veryvalentine, 09 March 2015 - 12:55 PM.